A Year of Gratitude

Looking back over 2022, one might be forgiven for thinking it a dreadful year: Russia’s invasion of Ukraine; spiralling living and energy costs; Government chaos and daily labour disputes. And these are only the headlines. If all the world is a stage, it seemed that only tragedies were on the playbill.

Yet, if we look back at our own lives, we might find a very different picture. As with the year before, I have kept a gratitude calendar for 2022. Every day is filled with something that I am thankful for. It is not necessarily anything exceptional. It may even be something as small as a sociable meet up at the puppy park or a coffee with a friend. But these events, large or small, all bring delight and in cultivating gratitude, I am also cultivating my capacity for happiness, since:

It is not happiness that brings us gratitude. It is gratitude that brings us happiness.

Anon

Recent studies in neuroscience have shown that this rather folksy saying is absolutely true. Regular practice of gratitude is beneficial for both mental and physical well being. For the science, I suggest you read this excellent article: https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/

So what do I have to be so happy about? It turns out, a great deal.

Friendships

By far the most frequent notes in my calendar are of meetings with friends: a morning coffee or posh birthday tea. Our conversations will roam through subjects of serious content and absolute rubbish and are often punctuated by laughter. Whatever the topic, I am always acutely aware of how grateful I am to have their companionship and that they have taken time to share mine.

However, for these meetings to evoke gratitude, we need to be sure that they are not a pity party where we simply swap woes. Of course, friends are there to share our sorrows and our joys and we need to feel free to express both. But if we find that these meetings are all about trials and negativity, it would be wise to ration them. Even the most cheerful amongst us will be dampened by a litany of complaints. And for those resistant to gratitude, reminding them of all they have to be thankful for seldom helps!

Adventure

When we move out of the everyday, we become vulnerable and that vulnerability is the very thing that makes adventure and travel so exciting. Our senses are on high alert and we are consciously looking for memorable information: a stunning view, a delicious scent, a perfect morsel. And the good news is that we needn’t go far to experience this.

We took Mariia and her friend Yana to Birling Gap last week to see the cliffs. The wind was whipping through the air making it hard to even open the car door; storm clouds brooded on the horizon. It was cold. It diminished their enjoyment not one jot. The sheer energy of those elemental forces of air and sea were exhilarating and the girls returned bubbling with joy.

I too love those wild days, not least because I can shelter in the cosy cafe with a hot drink when I get too cold or wet.

We’ve been to Scotland twice last year and it never disappoints. The magnitude of its beauty is humbling and one cannot but feel grateful to experience it.

Celebrations

This year has offered me more than my fair share of celebrations, but the one I am most grateful for is the engagement of my son to the lovely Genevieve. On the day of their engagement party, the weather was exceptionally kind: filled with golden sunshine and warm breezes.

As a parent, our greatest wish is that our children will be happy and find a companion that will enhance their life. I have been twice blessed in this regard – my younger son married to the adorable Kelsee.

Since folks came from far and wide to celebrate with us, we were reminded of the web of family and friendship which supports these relationships. There was so much to be thankful for that day: the kindness of friends who baked cakes; provided chairs, bunting and a gazebos; those who helped prepare and serve refreshments; and of course everyone who came to make the happy couple feel loved and valued. And the wonderful thing about feelings of gratitude is that through memory, they can be evoked again and again.

Valuing the everyday

Gratitude is not just for high days and holy days – it is a way of living where one tries to appreciate all the wonders that this world offers.

Having Mariia living with us has highlighted how much of the ‘everyday’ is precious. Having someone whose parents cannot be certain of an Internet connection, electricity or fuel rather focusses the mind on how valuable these things are. The top two tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs says that we must have the following to survive: food, water, air, shelter, sleep and safety. Those living in Ukraine can only be sure of two – air and food (though prices are rising alarmingly). Water supplies are regularly cut off, shelter is precarious at best, sleep interrupted by shelling and sirens and safety – well, no-one is safe.

Knowing this, I cannot help but be grateful that here all of these are available to us even if not as readily for everyone as I might like.

Making gratitude a way of life

Even if you are feeling a little down after all the excitement of Christmas (especially if you are feeling down) training your mind to find things to be grateful for will bring you significant benefits in the long term. Consistent practice enables us to ‘rewire’ the brain to look for the positive rather than its default mode of the negative. Our outlook will improve and with it our engagement with others; the health benefits are legion and profound. The article that I have listed above gives a number of ways to make gratitude an intentional life practice. It needn’t take long. Just jotting down one thing that you are thankful for each day, no matter how small, will set you on the path. One day, I thought it was the magnificent bloom on my amaryllis.

And I hope that when you come to review 2023, your calendar will be as full of joy as mine.