As we wade through the fog and damp of another interminable January, it is easy to find our mood as low as the rain-filled clouds. Indeed, there is even a day to mark this point on the calendar: Blue Monday. The concept was devised by a PR agency using a pseudo ‘formula’ to estimate which day would fit the criteria of being the most depressing. It looks like this:
No doubt the marketing team was dreaming up ways to encourage greater consumerism to combat the blues, but I would suggest a much more effective and cheaper approach – be kind.
Be kind to yourself
The first step is to be kind to yourself. No, I don’t mean go out and buy shoes or indulge in an extra glass of wine, but in genuinely taking stock not of your failings but your achievements. A New Year is a time for reflection and by thinking about (or better still listing) all that you have achieved last year, you might find yourself feeling uplifted rather than demoralised.
Being kind to yourself also means looking after yourself – gently and in a way that can continue throughout the year. Perhaps it means taking a little more care with what you eat and drink; finding time for meditation or exercise like yoga; giving yourself permission to read the book you received for Christmas rather than rushing about sorting laundry.
Time for yourself, does not mean selfish time. We (and particularly women) seldom feel we have any right to pursue our own interests when there is so much to be done. I spent way too many years in this mindset: devoting myself to my family and volunteering when what I really needed was a rest. And lest you think this is a bout of virtue signalling; it is not. What I achieved with all this craziness was a body that gave up and a mind that was frazzled and frustrated. Martyrs may get sainted, but I doubt they make good company. Since I have started being ‘selfish’, I still achieve all my goals but do so with a much cheerier outlook!
Kindness is loving yourself enough to love those around you.
RAKtivist
Be kind to others
Once you have ensured that you are filled with love, it is time to share. It is always worth remembering that life is a struggle for everyone, no matter how glamorous/successful/ idyllic their exterior lives might appear. We are all walking wounded. If you don’t believe me, try to think of someone who has no worries about a relative or friend, finances, health or love. Such creatures only exist in the realm of fiction. The rest of us are just putting on a brave face.
Showing kindness to others heals the world more effectively than anything. The recipient feels seen and appreciated and the giver benefits too. According to the Mental Health Foundation,
Research shows that helping others can be beneficial to our own mental health. It can reduce stress, improve our emotional wellbeing and even benefit our physical health.
Mental Health Foundation, https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/blog/random-acts-kindness
They even give some lovely suggestions for random acts of kindness that even the busiest person can manage. And if you are looking for further inspiration, check out: https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ which is a whole website devoted to this subject!
And I urge you to extend your acts of kindness to the whole world and not just humans. The Earth is desperately in need of a little TLC. Each time you reduce your purchases of consumer goods; reuse and up-cycle what you already own and recycle things which need to be thrown away, you are showing you care for the planet that cares for you.
Practising Loving-Kindness
As in all things, practise makes perfect. The Dalai Lama did not become the revered loving soul we know by accident; he worked at it and continues to work at it through a life of contemplation and prayer. Below is a prayer he says each day, which I think is rather beautiful.
Bodhisattva Prayer For Humanity
May I be a guard for those who need protection,
A guide for those on the path,
A boat, a raft, a bridge for those who wish to cross the flood.
May I be a lamp in the darkness,
A resting place for the weary,
A healing medicine for all who are sick
A vase of plenty, a tree of miracles.
And for the boundless multitudes of living beings
May I bring sustenance and awakening,
Enduring like the earth and sky
Until all beings are freed from sorrow
And all are awakened.
– Shantideva
https://www.lovefreemovement.com/
Of course, you may have something from another spiritual tradition that works for you. I love the ‘Peace be with you’ from the Church of England’s Communion Service. It is hard to think or say such a thing without being guided to a more loving behaviour.
Or more simply, start with something small and easy like, ‘May I be healthy and happy’ and expanding it first to those you love and then to those you do not know. Repeating these mantras will help you find kindness in the most testing times.
Challenge yourself
Challenge yourself to engage in a single act of kindness today. Perhaps it will mean you bring a drink to a weary partner; listen with compassion to someone who is struggling; or send a friendly note to someone you haven’t seen in a while. Random acts of kindness do not need to be big or showy. The best ones are those which are uncomplicated and do not leave the receiver feeling indebted. A dear friend brought me some of her delicious homemade marmalade today and that sunny orange jar will bring a smile whenever I open it. And when I was unwell at the weekend, my husband took over the role of making meals and allowed me to rest and recover.
Pass it on
Being on the receiving end of an act of kindness almost always spurs us to reciprocate. Kindness creates a virtuous circle of giving in which everyone wins. So as these dull days linger on, try to bring a little sunshine to the world. It will make you and everything else seem better.