In Pursuit of Happiness

A few days ago, I was lying in the hammock in the back garden. The sun was filtering through the leaves and my dog, Hermione, was ensconced on the grass beneath me. My chores were done and it was time for rest. This is what happiness truly feels like, I thought. And then, I mused further on the subject. How do we achieve happiness? What defines it? How can we make our world a happier place? And this is what I’ve been thinking about ever since. The answers are not quite what I expected and they are only my answers. Perhaps what follows will prompt you to find your own.

The happiness industry

Everywhere you look, there are articles on how to become happy; league tables on the happiest nations and editorials on the topic. Often, the article showing how shepherds in Corsica are the cheeriest, healthiest folk on Earth faces glossy images of other ways of achieving this state: luxury cars, exotic vacations and designer clothing.

Of course, the producers of this media content don’t want you to actually be happy. If you were, you would not be tempted by their advertisers’ wares and no advertising means no media.

While extolling the virtues of being happy on some remote isle or unreachable life-style, the texts are subtly making you feel even more unhappy. The joy of the octogenerians in southern Japan is not for us. We must look elsewhere and those conveniently placed adverts are exactly where they want you to transfer your gaze and your longing.

The happiness list

So what does make for happiness? This list will be as individual as we are. Here’s a selection of mine in no particular order.

• A hug
• The first coffee of the day
• Creating things
• Time spent with those I love
• Growing things
• Skies
• Birdsong
• Reading a great book
• Preparing something delicious
• Quiet times
• An act of kindness given or received

You might like to make your own list and I would venture that most of them are easily attainable. If we can identify what makes us content, we can increase those elements in our lives and live more fully.

The economics of supply and demand

One of the key principles of economics is that the relationship between supply and demand determines value: the more limited the supply, the greater the value; the greater the supply, the lesser the value. Happiness is, by definition, a high value, small supply emotion. It is its rarity that makes it so special. Take my time in the hammock as an example. It was especially precious because I was worn out from weeding the garden and the temperature, the orientation of the sun and time of day was perfectly aligned. I can’t expect every visit to the hammock to yield happiness as a result – though it will always be pleasant.

And not expecting it, is also key to its attainment. Thoreau put it rather beautifully when he wrote,

Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder …

Henry Thoreau

Happy talk

Valuable though moments of happiness are, I do think that we can also work towards lessening periods of discontent. The negativity bias in the way our brains are wired means that this is going to take a certain amount of awareness and commitment to achieve. What we naturally do is moan about the state of the world, the Government, our health, etc etc. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. Were we not aware of difficulties, we would not be motivated to make changes to improve them.

However, if we find ourselves always focusing on the negative and neither proposing solutions nor acting to resolve the problems, we will find our lives diminished and our mood worsened. More problematic still, we are likely to infect those around us with our poor spirits. Like Harry Potter’s Dementors, we will, unwittingly, suck the life and happiness out of those we converse with. Talking about outrages and injustices may be more thrilling and dramatic, but it is ultimately enervating.

That said, please do not imagine that I am recommending that we conduct ourselves with a false, Stepford-wife style of positivity – that can be worse! We can, however, catch ourselves if we find that we are spiralling into a vortex of negativity and arrest the progress by focusing on the moment or on those things for which we should be grateful.

Happiness is the by-product not the goal

I woke early this morning with the light streaming through the windows. For a moment, I thought it must be time to get up until I checked the clock and realised it was 4.30am. The happiness solution was still eluding me, so I set my mind to the task and I continued to tussle with it for a while, fell back to sleep and woke with this realisation. Happiness is not something we should seek, but rather something that we gain as a by-product of our labours.

When we think of our happiest times, they are often after a long period of struggle or simple hard work. The successful exam, the promotion, the new baby do not magically appear without effort nor a certain amount of pain and sacrifice. Nor are they guaranteed. We may do everything we can and still fail. The happiness we feel when things go well is often in proportion to the difficulties we have overcome to get there.

Even here, our happiness will be fleeting. Our exam passed, we may only be moving on to the next set; the promotion brings its own challenges and responsibilities; a new baby the daunting, exhausting work of motherhood.

What helps to sustain us is the memory of our happiness. This is our consolation.

Happiness, contentment and joy

Though we cannot really control nor should seek happiness, we can foster its close cousins: contentment and joy. Contentment arises when we accept our limitations and the challenges we face. It is also a consequence of gratitude. Cultivating contentment requires us to set aside time for quiet and reflection. Desmond Tutu once remarked rather wittily, ‘I am far too busy to pray for less than two hours a day.’ The busier our lives, the more vital it is that we find time for peaceful contemplation.

If we keep alert to life’s wonder, it is impossible not to feel joy. Nature constantly provides new marvels: all that is required of us is attuning our senses to witnessing them.

Lastly, no matter how difficult our own circumstances, we can work towards making the world a little happier. Living with the intention of alleviating suffering through friendship, listening and compassion, we are giving ourselves the pleasure that any act of love always rewards. And who knows, it may even cause happiness to ‘sit softly’ with us for a while.