Despite recent media coverage of mental health issues, it remains the last taboo. Sex, cancer, ageing and even dying are no longer spoken of in hushed whispers, but anxiety, depression and mental incapacity? That’s another matter.
‘Not waving but drowning’
For those diagnosed with a chronic illness, there is bound to be a psychological impact and yet it is one that is rarely addressed by health care professionals. My GP sweetly offered counselling for my husband (which at least showed an understanding that my partner’s life was going to change too) but unfortunately, not for me.
I’d been struggling with anxiety and depression for some time and had found partial relief through Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (Visit https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/ for a more in-depth explanation). But after my relapse, I definitely felt that more help was needed.
Through my reading, it became clear that one of the best ways of coping with illness is to remove the malaise (ill-ease) element. This would require a psychological remedy and it seemed that therapy, with a counsellor or a psychiatrist, was the best option.
For me, it was going to be a clearing out of all the old psychological baggage to make some space for coping with my new reality. Indeed, it would be vital to get me into the best mental health state to optimise my recovery. And if I were going to pursue meditation as a serious option (which I was), this elimination of the mind’s debris was also a prerequisite.
The Talking Cure
I was somewhat familiar with therapy, as I had been referred for bereavement counselling after the sudden death of my younger brother when he was just twenty-years-old. Its capacity to change the unbearable into the acceptable made me a believer in its efficacy.
So what does counselling entail? In contrast to a common misconception, it does not involve having a cosy chat with a sympathetic listener who comes up with solutions for all your problems. A good counsellor will guide you to work out your own issues. This will be achieved through one-to-one conversations and often ‘homework’ in the form of exercises or journal writing. It is most certainly not for the faint-hearted. At times, it is excruciatingly painful. I joked with my husband that my sessions were a form of ritual disembowelment. And there is a reason why no self-respecting counsellor would have a desk devoid of tissues.
But as with everything, the more you devote yourself to the process; the more you are willing to confront your demons, no matter how terrifying they feel, the more likely it is that you will achieve a positive outcome.
And if you are curious as to what counselling is actually like, I’d recommend reading Counselling for Toads: A Psychological Adventure by Robert de Board. He uses the characters from Wind in the Willows to give a brilliant, easily accessible description of the process.
Unfortunately, counselling is expensive, but those living in the UK should be able to ask for it for free through the NHS. (For further information, visit: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Counselling/.) Most people will be referred by their GP, but you can access services independently. I chose to go privately, and it was money well spent.
Choosing a counsellor
Like shoes, it’s important to get a good fit. Most counsellors will not expect you to book further sessions until you have shown that you are compatible. It is crucial that you are, as the Italians say, ‘sympatico’. If you do not get along, feel absolute trust and faith in your counsellor, say ‘thank you and good-bye’. There will be someone out there who is perfect for you.
For most of us, cost will also be an issue. Psychiatrists are more extensively trained and so more expensive. Counsellors and psychologists come in all sorts of price ranges with more not necessarily meaning better. What is important is that they are the right one for you and that you can afford to attend for as long as you need to. For the majority, a few months will suffice and your counsellor should be working towards making themselves redundant if they are doing their job properly.
For those who are not quite sure about the counselling route, but who think they might benefit from a little support, there are numerous other options: YouTube talks/Internet information, books, journal writing and even family and friends. Though, with the last it is important to remember that they are not trained to deal with mental health issues nor might they be comfortable with what you want to say. Friends and family can be great, but try not to overburden them, as they will have plenty in their own lives to deal with! Equally, try to resist the temptation to have them solve your problems – only you can do that.
Before you begin
If you think that counselling might be a help, talk to your GP. Sometimes, with MS, anxiety and depression have a physiological cause when nerve damage in the brain results in these symptoms. Certain drugs (especially steroids) used in the treatment of the disease can also have psychological side-effects. For more information on this, visit: https://www.mssociety.org.uk/about-ms/signs-and-symptoms/mental-health/causes-of-mental-health-problems And it may be that you need prescription drugs in the short term to help you to manage. Only you can decide the appropriate path.
But what is most important is recognising that ‘Mind, body, spirit’ is not simply something used to advertise spa treatments. Our minds and our bodies are one organism, not two, and neglecting one will only impact negatively on the other. We need to nourish and protect our whole body. And with stress contributing so heavily to MS and any other number of serious conditions, it’s about time we started talking.