Just Say YES!

After the gradual return to normal life this March, my husband and I made a decision. From henceforth, we would say ‘yes’ to anything that came our way that was not completely reckless. Though we had a very peaceful and mainly enjoyable lock-down, it had meant missing any number of reunions and events. We did not regret the time we spent in the garden, practising Wim Hof and swimming in the sea, but it was time to re-join the world and see what it had to offer.

Escape

The first thing we did was escape to the Highlands we love. The trip required no flights or public transport and would involve spending most of our time outside. It was a perfect way to introduce ourselves to what felt a little bit of a scary world.

I have already written about our Scottish trip, but what made this one different was that we were always willing to go off the beaten track and explore. If there were an interesting tourist sign or intriguing alternative route home, we would take it.

We were rewarded by any number of stunning vistas and fascinating monuments all to ourselves. On spotting the sign to the bell tower (below) we headed off down a very narrow and wiggly path to apparently nowhere. When we reached the destination, we found it was many, many steps above us.

I said, ‘Yes!’ to the steps and ascended – aching legs be damned! The tiny building was adorable and the view breath-taking. Since, of course, we were the only ones daft enough to visit, we were free to explore inside and, with the curiosity of children, we did.

Our trip was filled with such diversions and all the more enjoyable for it. On our return, flush with fresh air and good health, we made a rather more momentous decision. We decided that we were in the fortunate position where we could offer sanctuary to a Ukrainian refugee.

A path filled with obstacles

What started with enthusiasm, soon became fraught with frustration and anxiety. As we had the space, we had offered our home to a mother and son who were friends with a young woman in Eastbourne. So far, so perfect. Sadly, what we had not figured in to our plans was the chronic incompetence of the Home Office.

We did our homework, attended events, cleared wardrobes and cupboards and tried to make our home as welcoming as possible. Then we waited for the visas, and waited, and waited. After about eight weeks had passed and only the son had been granted his, we became desperate. They had already moved out of Kiev at this time and back as things normalised. Then Kiev was bombed. Having a face in mind when you hear terrible news is a very different experience to learning of the anonymous casualties of violence. This felt personal.

Despite going through all the help channels and being assured their case was being expedited, nothing happened. We contacted our MP’s office; nothing. By three months, we were simply angry. We wrote to our MP again, this time with positive results.

Unfortunately, the endless delays and the natural reluctance of the family to leave their home meant that they ultimately decided to stay in Ukraine. We held their place until their visas expired – just in case – then we started all over again.

This time everything went super smoothly and Mariia will join us on Sunday. Armed with a little more knowledge and having the pleasure of Skyping frequently with her, we are really looking forward to her arrival. Taking in guests, no matter how lovely, is never without its challenges. But I’m still very glad we said yes to helping someone in such circumstances. I certainly hope someone would do the same for my children should the need arise.

The best yes

Without a doubt, the most wonderful yes I made this year was to attend the prize giving at Chatsworth House. As with many brilliant experiences, it held its fair share of terror (publicly reading my story) and uncertainty (I had not the faintest clue what the day held). By agreeing to attend, there was much to be arranged at short notice and not inconsiderable costs incurred. But all good things come with a price tag: even if that is only courage.

The joy of spontaneity

Spontaneous is not a word that I would generally use to describe myself. Up until now, I was an inveterate planner. Every eventuality had to be accounted for before I set forth. My health situation only amplified this. What if? What if? What if? rotated in my mind until the thought of doing anything became terrifying. Anxiety took hold like a boa constrictor reducing my world to ever diminishing circles.

Then we took small trips on short notice and I survived. Our trips got longer and I became bolder. It helps that we live in one of the most accommodating places on earth. Need a drink? Which cafe should I choose? Need petrol? One is seldom more than thirty miles from a service station. Need a rest? Pick a bench. Really, what was I worrying about?

So when our friends asked us to their 60th birthday bash in the Cotswolds, we said, ‘Why not?’ The party was a great success and it was a joy to meet their now grown-up children. The village where we stayed the night was magical and turned an overnight trip into a holiday. When the same friends called on Bank Holiday Monday to say that they had been offered a flat on Hove seafront and would we like to join them on the beach, you know how we answered.

Because saying ‘Yes’ has enriched our lives in more ways than I can possibly describe in a blog. It is not without risk. Sometimes things will go seriously awry. This same weekend, we saw an absolutely perfect bungalow that would future proof our home-life. We spent almost five days in exhaustive cleaning, DIY and tidying only to find the seller had withdrawn her house from the market on the day we had the agent come to see ours. Am I sorry we pursued it? No!

I realise now that I had lapsed into my trying to pre-empt problems. I don’t need to move into a bungalow yet, and may never need to. So I am just enjoying my newly pristine home. Oh, and Mariia will be fooled into thinking that she has arrived at a very tidy household.