Over the last few weeks, I have spoken to numerous friends who are all saying the same thing. How do we find joy when the world is so full of chaos and life so uncertain? How do we find joy in these cold, dark days? For many, the answer would be to curl up on the sofa with a glass of wine and binge watch television or lose yourself on social media. But, luckily for me, my friends are much more creative. Drawing on their suggestions and a few of my own, I hope we can find some strategies not to endure these grey days but to thrive in them.
Partioning the day
My good friend Jenny came up with this phrase and I love it. By making our day into a sort of ornate Lego creation compiled of numerous brightly coloured blocks, we are setting ourselves up for success.
When we are feeling down, it becomes increasingly difficult to motivate ourselves to do anything. So, the best thing to do is to pre-empt this by filling in our diary.
Your own schedule
Wise ones throughout time have emphasised the need for order and structure in our lives. This is not a binding but a liberation. Without borders we flail helplessly. This may not be a particularly popular view at the moment, when ‘I don’t want any restrictions’ seems to be the predominant attitude, but like an undisciplined child, such an approach usually ends up with tantrums and tears.
My daily schedule goes something like this:
6.45 – 7.30 Time to wake up! Yoga stretches, mini meditation, (cold) shower. Time to get ready
7.30 – 9.30 Breakfast, clean and tidy, puppy play. Qi Gong in garden.
9.30-12 Work time! Writing, emails, letters and calls
12 -1 Lunch for all! Mini play in garden for Hermione
1-2 Post lunch nap and walk with Hermione
2-5 Work time! Meetings, calls and volunteering assignments. Ideally with a short break for afternoon tea and a garden trip with the dog.
5-6.30 Making dinner and washing up etc.
6.30-8 Swedish practice, news update and finishing anything left undone.
8-10 Relax – television, reading and hanging out
10 Time for bed! Yoga stretches, breathing exercises and organising for the next day.
This is all highly flexible and subject to change, but the essential structure is the same throughout the week. My day is always bookended with gentle exercise and quiet times. Due to having a very hungry husband and a peculiar diet, I need to do more cooking from scratch than most. This is amply recompensed by the pleasure of a shared meal – and even more so when my husband does the cooking!
Fresh air and exercise
The twin source of health and happiness. This is something that definitely wants to go into your daily schedule. And this is not a penance. Almost everyone I spoke to put some form of exercise as the thing that brings them joy. The activities ranged from running to riding, swimming to sailing, walking to yoga. Many of the folks I spoke to are in my MS circle and are considerably less physically able than they were. What was so inspiring, however, was that they were finding ways to accommodate their limitations and to continue to enjoy the things they love. What matters, it seems, is that you give it a go for how ever long as you are able.
Exercising outside seems to have additional benefits. This summer, I began doing my yoga in the garden and it felt, well, different – and better. Was it the cool breeze, the magnificent skies, the background song of birds? Perhaps it is all these and more. Piedmont Healthcare came up with seven good reasons to exercise outside (https://www.piedmont.org/living-better/7-health-benefits-of-outdoor-exercise) and these included the natural anti-depressant qualities of sunshine and the extra challenges variable conditions offer. For those of us with MS, it also adds a valuable vitamin D boost.
With the high risk of infection in confined spaces like gyms and swimming pools, now might be the time to venture outside. And if exercise is not possible, the benefits of simply enjoying the outdoors are amply documented. When physically restricted, the expansiveness of the outdoors becomes even more essential.
Enjoy the garden
Even though this is no longer the weather for sitting in deckchairs, it is still a wonderful time to appreciate the garden. Every day, Hermione and I take a stroll around the perimeter; checking to see if the plague of caterpillars have finally stopped eating my broccoli and kale (they haven’t), if any of my giant sunflowers have survived (they have) and to observe the subtle daily changes. There are always surprising flashes of colour from hardier plants and turning leaves. The birds are ever entertaining and the skies a daily masterpiece.
Now is an opportunity to step back and enjoy all that the garden has brought you and plan for next year’s incarnation. It is the time to plant bulbs in anticipation of the spring to come; the time to plan next year’s crops and order seed and plants. For once, the weeds have lost their exuberance and we, and the garden, can rest.
Cosy up
Enjoying being inside while the wind rages without can be especially pleasing. We can make the cocoon of our homes a cosy nest protected from the elements and filled with light and joy. It is not difficult nor expensive to indulge in beautiful candles, to make a special hot drink, to bake a few cookies, to find some lovely music or a radio play. These are all pleasures that well outweigh their cost. We just need to remember to do it.
In these relaxed atmospheres, we are more likely to take up a creative task than simply turn on the television. My two friends who started this discussion have, in the intervening week, finished a gorgeous quilt and made a delicate embroidery. These are gifts that will, in turn, lend a sense of well-being to their recipients.
Knitting and other handicrafts are excellent for our mental health – reducing stress and anxiety and bringing the participant into a calm, flow state similar to that achieved in meditation. Having something to show for your time is simply a bonus.
Into the light
These are indeed dark times. Many of us are removed from those we love and concerned for their well-being. Simple activities become complex when we figure in avoiding infection. Fears for the future may threaten to overwhelm us. Yet, if we can take each day as the gift that it is, fill it with meaningful tasks and accept the challenge of making our homes a sanctuary, I believe that we bring our own light.