When Life Gives You Lemons – Page 19 – Making my best life with MS

My Vegetable Love – Part One

Vegetables have finally come into fashion. For years they have been the poor relation of the food world, but now it seems that they are having their moment. Celebrity chefs such as Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall are advocating moving the vegetable element of a meal from ‘a bit on the side’ to centre front. I even read recently that Yotam Ottolenghi considered vegetables as a far more interesting ingredient to cook with than meat. They are, after all, much more varied, colourful and versatile. So this is a celebration of all things vegetable. And I hope, like mine, your vegetable love will grow and grow!

**Vegetables! What’s not to love?** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

When I moved from a dairy based to a plant based diet, I confess that it was a struggle at first. My culinary skills revolved around milk, cheese and eggs. How could I achieve anything like the pleasure of a mozzarella smothered pizza or a fluffy quiche? Well, actually, I could. Much to my astonishment, it simply involved exploring a whole new range of ingredients and a bit of chemistry. The plant world, it transpired, included a raft of delicious surprises.

Why bother?

Including more vegetables in your diet is widely recognised as having a significant, positive effect on your health. By consuming the recommended five a day, the NHS proposes that you will reduce the likelihood of the three major killers: heart disease, stroke and cancer. Numerous research studies have also shown that a greater consumption of vegetables reduces the likelihood and severity of a number of autoimmune disorders including MS and diabetes. This is because the gut biome regulates the immune system. The more you feed it with healthy, fresh and fibrous food, the stronger it grows – fighting off invading pathogens and avoiding the body turning in on itself – as it does with all autoimmune disorders. The benefits, in medical terms, are enormous, yet involves no intervention and very little cost. Perhaps vegetables should be put on prescription.

**Just what the doctor ordered** Image: Nadine Primeau on Unsplash

The reluctant eater

As someone who has always enjoyed fruits and vegetables, it always surprises me how many children (and adults) do not. Frequently, a less than keen family member will threaten to derail our attempts at including more vegetables in our diet. I know. My husband was the pickiest eater when we first met and drove me insane with what he did not like. Now, he happily embraces a plant based diet and eats virtually anything. It didn’t happen over-night and it didn’t happen by accident. But we got there eventually, and so can you.

Keep trying. Our taste buds are malleable things. We can learn to love what we originally found distasteful. My first experience of avocado in a very fancy restaurant was that it tasted like soap. Now, I can’t get enough of it. What is important is that we just keep trying it, as it is. Give a tiny portion at a time and sample regularly. Soon it will be on the love list.
Sneaky vegetables. Generally, I’m not one for sugar coating or disguising, but if your loved one is simply adamant that vegetables are vile, try to sneak them in to other, more favourable dishes. One friend always added carrots to mash and I regularly cook sweet potato with turnip. Soups are an ideal way to incorporate all kinds of vegetables and if you blend it, who’s to say what went inside?
Cook together and make it special. Work and life-styles often make it difficult to cook and eat together, but if we make it a priority, we can. If you are only making one meal – as opposed to one for the children and one for the parents- you can take more time. If we ask those sharing the meal to participate in its preparation, they will see the care needed and hopefully appreciate the finished product more. We will also be teaching valuable cooking skills.
Grow your own. Anyone who has experienced the frustrations and joys of gardening, knows that what you grow, you eat. Rainbow chard is certainly not in my top ten or even top twenty vegetables, but it is flourishing and I am certainly not going to allow it to go to waste. Wilted in a frying pan and served with sesame seeds and soy sauce, it’s completely delicious and the more we eat it, the more scrumptious it becomes.

For a more comprehensive discussion of the above, please check out: https://www.healthline.com/health-news/how-you-can-reprogram-your-taste-buds-to-love-healthy-foods

**Everyone in the kitchen! Involving everyone in the preparation of meals, makes them more precious.** Image: Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Not just good for you

Sometimes listening to the news is just too depressing. Climate change, weather based catastrophes, mass extinctions seem to always appear somewhere beneath the headline stories. It is easy to feel helpless in the face of such challenges. A little extract I read yesterday, though, helped to bring it all back to a human scale, and I’d like to share it here:

I would love to say that I live a completely ‘green’ life; but if I did, I would be a liar… But if we wait until we can do everything, it will be far too late… Giving up meat is one of the easy things that almost anyone in the first world can do to become more impact-neutral in environmental terms.
Alex Brianson

As someone who used to volunteer for Greenpeace, I was well aware of the need to adopt an animal friendly diet. We were mostly vegetarian but still ate lots of dairy and some fish. I aspired to being vegan, but it just seemed too difficult (not least with a family). Now I want to kick myself for not doing it sooner. I still eat some fish (which I try to source carefully) but otherwise am plant based. And I have never eaten so well. Making the transition required a little extra attention and planning, but it was not long before it became second nature.

Now, in the West, plant based eating is taking off and never has there been so much choice and variety making it easier than ever to switch. What you choose to eat is, of course, entirely up to you, but if you are concerned about the environment and animal welfare, it is good to know that a solution is readily available.

Thoreau was right! The cow is proof that you can grow strong and healthy on a plant based diet. Image: Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash

Quick and easy

A further benefit is that a plant based diet works well within our busy lives. Many vegetables do not need cooking at all, or only a tiny bit and so are perfect for those of us who are time poor. Next week, I will post as wide a variety of dishes as possible (with recipes) to show you how you can enjoy a range of super healthy vegetables in minutes and hopefully, inspire you to create some of your own.

Dancing in the Rain

I woke this morning to graphite skies and rain. Again. Really? We have just passed the solstice, but summer still hasn’t arrived. It flirted with us for a while, made us all happy and confident of long, warm days ahead and then disappeared. My garden is drooping under the weight of all that water. A week ago, my roses were full and resplendent. Now they look like washing that you have forgotten to take in when the weather turns. The weeds, needless to say, are thriving. Today, I have nothing special planned except a Citizens’ Advice meeting in the afternoon. I could feel my spirits, like the rain-beaten roses, droop.

**O rose, thou art sick!** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Also, I had a post to write. Writing, indeed, pretty much anything, is difficult to do when you are feeling low and frustrated. So I took my self-pity in hand and started to think of ways to cheer myself up. What if I took my own advice and tried to see the good in this chilly, damp day? My great nephew, who lives in Newcastle, had just made a hilarious spoof video of a weather forecast (rain) and turned his lemons into a lemon grove. Perhaps I could do the same.

A little pampering

My first step was to do something lovely for myself. I would make a delicious coffee, barista style, with frothy milk and a sprinkling of chocolate on top. Today may not be the day to go out to a cafe, but I could bring at least part of that experience inside.

**Coffee comfort** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

A good quality coffee; a mug that makes you smile; a little extra care in the making results in the beginning of a good mood. The caffeine would help too.

If you can’t stand the rain, get into the kitchen

Few things are more comforting than food. Pottering about in the kitchen, watching the magical chemistry that is cooking, always cheers me up. Getting to eat the results is a bonus. So, I’ve dug out the recipe book I made for the kids and decided to make some muffins.

**The title says it all** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

True to the lazy cow ethos, they won’t take long, but they will taste good. I can also take some to the friend I am visiting. It’s due to rain that day also.

‘And rain will make the flowers grow’

The irony is that I’d been anxious for rain. We’d had a long dry spell and the garden really needed watering. Suffice to say, it has now been thoroughly soaked.

Rainy days are excellent craft days, however. If the sun is shining, I’ll be outside from morning till night. Sometimes, I secretly hope for rotten weather to give me the excuse to get inside to get creative. Yesterday was craft club and I was too tired to do much, but I’d hauled out my paper craft books and thought I would do something simple, while I chatted. Recently, I’ve become rather fixated on paper flowers and having found some rather sweet roses, I thought I’d try those. The results were surprisingly realistic.

**Paper roses** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

It turns out that making paper flowers is somewhat addictive, so I made some crazy, imaginary flowers too. I suspect there may be a few more by this evening.

Enjoying the company of a good book

When the natural light is poor or fatigue is draining your energy, there are few better ways of passing the time than listening to an audio book. You can curl up on the sofa, hot drink to hand and simply allow someone to tell you a story. My library (and I’m sure yours too) has come rushing into the 21st century and offers an amazing online service. Included in this is an extensive audio book range and the cost is absolutely nothing. Currently, I am listening to Ali Smith’s Summer, the final book in her seasonal quartet. It’s challenging, brilliant and engaging all at once. My meeting over this afternoon, it will be my companion until dinner.

And now my blog is finished; my coffee too. My muffins are waiting to be made and I have a plan for the day. This rainy day isn’t turning out so badly after all.

The Longest Day

This coming Monday, 21 June, marks the summer solstice – the longest day in the northern hemisphere. In the UK, we can expect around 16.5 hours of daylight. As you travel further north, the days stretch further, culminating with a full 24 hours at the North Pole. And long, light days are surely worth celebrating. This is something our ancestors understood and which I would love to see again.

Historically, the solstice was an important festival. In the UK, the pagans named it Litha (the standing still of the sun) and the Celts Alban Hefin (light of summer). For earlier, agrarian societies, the sun held a much more obvious significance. Here was the life force that ensured the success of the crops and the difference between plenty and starvation.

As with the other equinoxes, the solstice was seen as a liminal time, when the division between the material and supernatural worlds were at their thinnest. It was a time when fairies and mischievous sprites could cross over.

Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream draws upon this tradition.

I must go seek some dewdrops here, And hang a pearl in every cowslip’s ear.’
Fairy Act 2, scene i A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Shakespeare.

Oberon, Titania and Puck with Fairies Dancing circa 1786 William Blake 1757-1827 Presented by Alfred A. de Pass in memory of his wife Ethel 1910 http://www.tate.org.uk/art/work/N02686

Garlands of herbs and flowers were worn to ward off evil and bonfires were used to keep malignant spirits at bay. The fires had other purposes too. They were seen to strengthen the sun’s energy; brought luck to lovers and on a more practical level, ensured that revellers kept warm. As in almost all other festivals, there would have been singing and dancing and not a little imbibing of alcohol.

Stonehenge

The most famous solstice ritual occurs at Stonehenge in Amesbury, Wiltshire. The stones are aligned such that as the sun rises on the solstice, light floods into the central ring. In pre-Covid times, up to 10,000 people would assemble to witness the event and, on this day, the spiritual rather than the purely touristic appeal of the monument is recognised.

The arrival of Christianity saw an end to much of the solstice celebrations, but rather than lose a holiday, they renamed it St John’s Day after John the Baptist. Yet, despite this, Midsummer is still a definitely pagan affair in the Scandinavian regions.

Midsummer Scandinavian style

Technically, Midsummer and the solstice are two separate things, but I have brought them together here in this post. Midsummer occurs literally at mid- summer usually around the 24 June and after the longest day. This year, it falls on 26 of June, though the celebrations occur on the eve rather than the day.

Midsummer is celebrated differently throughout northern Europe, with Finland, Denmark and Norway marking it with giant bonfires on which effigies of witches are burned. The Swedes take a more gentle approach with the distinctive Maypole, dancing and singing.

Here’s a rather lovely summer solstice song from Jonna Jinton

Seven different flowers

One of the sweetest traditions in Sweden and its neighbours is to collect seven different wild flowers (sju olika blommor) and place them under your pillow. That night, you will dream of your one true love. Since I am happily married, I decided to collect them in a vase instead. Just selecting and picking these little blooms in the early morning after rain, seemed like a wonderful way to celebrate the season.

A tiny bouquet of wild flowers Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Other, stranger, Swedish rituals include dancing around the Maypole – perhaps singing the frog song while mimicking a frog! Rather more usual activities include drinking, talking about the weather, wearing floral garlands or headdresses whilst eating herring and strawberries. When the festivities are winding down, it is traditional to go for a skinny dip. Though I am not sure about all of these celebrations, I would love to reinstitute celebration of the solstice or Midsummer to the calendar.

A modern, British Midsummer

Like all good festivals, we should draw from the old and add or modify the new. Since the Swedes are especially adept at this festival, my list will have a strong, Scandinavian flavour, but you may wish to make it more in line with your own country’s culture. What follows is my suggestions for a modern, British festival.

Pick flowers, make daisy chains and enjoy the floral abundance of June
Song – find some really good dance tracks, set up a music station in the garden and sing along. Dance if you are able! Maypoles are strictly optional.
Make delicious foods. This is all about celebrating summer: so my feast will include lots of seasonal treats: strawberries, salads, smoked salmon, homemade bread and perhaps even cake.
Watching the sunset. I’m far to old to get up for the dawn, but watching the sun dip below the horizon is certainly manageable.
We have a chimenea – so we can have our own mini bonfire without bothering the neighbours. It will also keep us warm as night draws in.
A swim in the sea? This will be weather dependent and I will definitely wear a costume – but a late night dip certainly appeals

Bittersweet moments

Since Midsummer marks the zenith of the season, what follows is a slow and inevitable decline. From this point, there will be an incremental shortening of the days. The brevity of the moment has the bittersweet pleasure of all that is transient. Which gives us even more reason to ‘seize the day’. Be a little crazy, stay up late, party! Enjoy these long, warm days: they are not set to last.

In Pursuit of Happiness

A few days ago, I was lying in the hammock in the back garden. The sun was filtering through the leaves and my dog, Hermione, was ensconced on the grass beneath me. My chores were done and it was time for rest. This is what happiness truly feels like, I thought. And then, I mused further on the subject. How do we achieve happiness? What defines it? How can we make our world a happier place? And this is what I’ve been thinking about ever since. The answers are not quite what I expected and they are only my answers. Perhaps what follows will prompt you to find your own.

**Happy graffiti** Image: Zhou-cheng-you on Unsplash

The happiness industry

Everywhere you look, there are articles on how to become happy; league tables on the happiest nations and editorials on the topic. Often, the article showing how shepherds in Corsica are the cheeriest, healthiest folk on Earth faces glossy images of other ways of achieving this state: luxury cars, exotic vacations and designer clothing.

Of course, the producers of this media content don’t want you to actually be happy. If you were, you would not be tempted by their advertisers’ wares and no advertising means no media.

While extolling the virtues of being happy on some remote isle or unreachable life-style, the texts are subtly making you feel even more unhappy. The joy of the octogenerians in southern Japan is not for us. We must look elsewhere and those conveniently placed adverts are exactly where they want you to transfer your gaze and your longing.

**A desirable drive** Image: Jakob Rosen on Unsplash

The happiness list

So what does make for happiness? This list will be as individual as we are. Here’s a selection of mine in no particular order.

A hug
The first coffee of the day
Creating things
Time spent with those I love
Growing things
Skies
Birdsong
Reading a great book
Preparing something delicious
Quiet times
An act of kindness given or received

You might like to make your own list and I would venture that most of them are easily attainable. If we can identify what makes us content, we can increase those elements in our lives and live more fully.

The economics of supply and demand

One of the key principles of economics is that the relationship between supply and demand determines value: the more limited the supply, the greater the value; the greater the supply, the lesser the value. Happiness is, by definition, a high value, small supply emotion. It is its rarity that makes it so special. Take my time in the hammock as an example. It was especially precious because I was worn out from weeding the garden and the temperature, the orientation of the sun and time of day was perfectly aligned. I can’t expect every visit to the hammock to yield happiness as a result – though it will always be pleasant.

And not expecting it, is also key to its attainment. Thoreau put it rather beautifully when he wrote,

Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder …
Henry Thoreau

**A rare beauty** Image: Gayatri Malhotra

Happy talk

Valuable though moments of happiness are, I do think that we can also work towards lessening periods of discontent. The negativity bias in the way our brains are wired means that this is going to take a certain amount of awareness and commitment to achieve. What we naturally do is moan about the state of the world, the Government, our health, etc etc. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. Were we not aware of difficulties, we would not be motivated to make changes to improve them.

However, if we find ourselves always focusing on the negative and neither proposing solutions nor acting to resolve the problems, we will find our lives diminished and our mood worsened. More problematic still, we are likely to infect those around us with our poor spirits. Like Harry Potter’s Dementors, we will, unwittingly, suck the life and happiness out of those we converse with. Talking about outrages and injustices may be more thrilling and dramatic, but it is ultimately enervating.

That said, please do not imagine that I am recommending that we conduct ourselves with a false, Stepford-wife style of positivity – that can be worse! We can, however, catch ourselves if we find that we are spiralling into a vortex of negativity and arrest the progress by focusing on the moment or on those things for which we should be grateful.

**Few things compete with happy talk!** Image: Caroline Hernande on Unsplash

Happiness is the by-product not the goal

I woke early this morning with the light streaming through the windows. For a moment, I thought it must be time to get up until I checked the clock and realised it was 4.30am. The happiness solution was still eluding me, so I set my mind to the task and I continued to tussle with it for a while, fell back to sleep and woke with this realisation. Happiness is not something we should seek, but rather something that we gain as a by-product of our labours.

When we think of our happiest times, they are often after a long period of struggle or simple hard work. The successful exam, the promotion, the new baby do not magically appear without effort nor a certain amount of pain and sacrifice. Nor are they guaranteed. We may do everything we can and still fail. The happiness we feel when things go well is often in proportion to the difficulties we have overcome to get there.

Even here, our happiness will be fleeting. Our exam passed, we may only be moving on to the next set; the promotion brings its own challenges and responsibilities; a new baby the daunting, exhausting work of motherhood.

What helps to sustain us is the memory of our happiness. This is our consolation.

Happiness, contentment and joy

Though we cannot really control nor should seek happiness, we can foster its close cousins: contentment and joy. Contentment arises when we accept our limitations and the challenges we face. It is also a consequence of gratitude. Cultivating contentment requires us to set aside time for quiet and reflection. Desmond Tutu once remarked rather wittily, ‘I am far too busy to pray for less than two hours a day.’ The busier our lives, the more vital it is that we find time for peaceful contemplation.

If we keep alert to life’s wonder, it is impossible not to feel joy. Nature constantly provides new marvels: all that is required of us is attuning our senses to witnessing them.

Lastly, no matter how difficult our own circumstances, we can work towards making the world a little happier. Living with the intention of alleviating suffering through friendship, listening and compassion, we are giving ourselves the pleasure that any act of love always rewards. And who knows, it may even cause happiness to ‘sit softly’ with us for a while.

Reimagining the Birthday Card

This year, I was blessed with an abundance of beautiful cards: some painted or drawn; others hand made or coloured and more still that were delightful commercial ones. All were thoughtful and reflected the things I love. I kept them up for as long as was respectable (two weeks), admired them once more as I took them down and reread the messages, but still was sad to throw away such pleasing miniature art works.

From card to coaster

Which was when I got my brain in gear to think of how I could reuse them in some practical way. If I could work out some use for them, I could continue to enjoy them throughout the year. Wiping down my rather old and tatty drinks coasters gave me the first bolt of inspiration. What if I could cut out the required shapes, glue them onto the old card and make new coasters. Would that work? It was worth a try. After all, the joy of working with paper is that if it fails, it simply goes into the recycling bin and nothing but your time is lost.

**An assortment of cards** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

I made my first selection on the basis of beauty, colour coordination and image size. A coaster with Happy Birthday scrolled across it was unlikely to look very professional! One, a print of an artist friend’s work, didn’t quite work for the coaster size, so I selected another, joyful and quirky one.

If there were any skill involved in all of this, it only lay in selecting the right part of the card to cut and use on the mat. With a little twiddling, it was quite easy and if you were really intelligent (unlike me who has only just thought of it) you could cut out a tracing paper template so that you would know exactly what the image would look like rather then just eye-balling it.

**From card to coaster** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

The mats were placed face down on the back of the cards and I used a scalpel to cut out the squares as close to the mats as possible. I used a regular glue to attach them and a bone folder to ensure that they were absolutely flat. All that was needed next was several coats of good craft varnish and voila! New mats and happy reminders of my friends. They are surprisingly sturdy and now my husband is suggesting I redo the place mats. I’m thinking book covers might be fun…

The reimagined birthday card

Since a lovely friend’s birthday was coming up, I also needed to make a card for her. Could I recycle a card I had received in an imaginative way? One of my birthday gifts had been a fantastic paper cutting book and that gave me an idea. Using a very pretty floral card, I could make a backdrop for my paper butterflies. By layering the elements, it would give a 3D effect and I am rather partial to 3D.

Having carefully cut out the base of the card for the floral scene, I used chalk to colour the background, glued on the base and decorated with butterflies. For a June birthday, it seemed the perfect format for my greeting. ‘May your day be filled with sunshine and butterflies, friendship and flowers.’

**Flowers and butterflies** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

It is far from perfect, of course, but I hope my friend will forgive its failings and enjoy the sentiment behind it.

Birthday wishes to bookmarks

My husband is a terror with bookmarks. I sometimes wonder if he eats them. No sooner have I given him one for the book we are reading than it is gone, only to be replaced with a blade of grass or an old receipt. My cards gave me the opportunity to fix that problem. I would make a plethora of pretty bookmarks, leave them in a pile on the coffee table and never again would we have to search for the page we left off.

Aesthetics are all, so rather than just cutting strips of card and leaving it at that, I used my corner cutter to give them a more finished look and added complementary coloured ribbons (recycled of course!) to add a little flair. It took only minutes, but gave the results I was hoping for. This tiny project is a great way to use any greeting card and makes a pretty touch to a book you are giving as a gift. If you are able to coordinate the bookmark with the book – even better. Just make a pile of them!

**Book embellishments** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

The equipment needed for this project is again very simple. I use a scalpel and cutting mat, but if you have a steady hand, scissors will do fine. Again, I used my corner cutter to neaten the edges and took my bookmarks from the margin of the card and recycled the birthday wishes part. If you don’t have a single hole punch, stick your ribbon to the back or leave plain.

Passing on greetings

Good things should always be passed on in my view, so I decided that those cards which were suitable in size and design should be made into postcards for little messages. Sometimes, you just don’t have that much to say, so a postcard is the perfect solution.

**Bespoke postcards!** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

This idea is slightly modified from one I found in another paper art book. The author there used paperback covers (also good) and I used my cards. Once again, my corner cutter made itself useful. On the plain side, draw a few lines for the address and if you wish write, ‘postcard’ on the perpendicular. Royal Mail will post anything (I once had a friend who posted his girlfriend a banana skin and it got there.) Other countries might be more particular.

Once you begin seeing how to repurpose cards and paper, there really is no end to it. My new paper cutting adventure has just begun and already I am hooked. Other projects are in the pipeline, but for now, I think I’m going outside to enjoy the sunshine and be inspired by nature.

The Gifts We Bring

During my Quaker Meeting on Sunday, we had a reading from Advices and Queries – a sort of handbook for living. It read:

Live adventurously. When choices arise, do you take the way that offers the fullest opportunity for the use of your gifts in the service of God and the community? Let your life speak. When decisions have to be made, are you ready to join with others in seeking clearness, asking for God’s guidance and offering counsel to one another? (Advices and Queries 1.02 27)

I love the expression ‘Live adventurously’, but it was the next part that I have pondered over the last few days. One member’s comments made me re-evaluate the line, ‘When choices arise, do you take the way that offers the fullest opportunity for the use of your gifts in the service of God and the community?’

Good question.

What do we mean by gifts?

When we speak of gifts, most of us immediately think of the material. The stack of presents under the Christmas tree; the pile on birthdays.

**An abundance of gifts** Image: Ze Ferrari-Careto on Unsplash

And these gifts, thoughtfully chosen, carefully wrapped, have a great deal to offer in terms of making the recipient feel loved and valued.

Equally, financial donations to charities and good causes are essential to the running of the same. The material is not always lesser to the spiritual. We certainly need both.

The gift of time

I confess that I have always read this Advice as meaning to use our time wisely and when and where possible in the service of the community. Determined to use the skills (gifts) that I possess most effectively, I took a while to research where they could be best employed and ended up with a highly satisfactory match in Citizens Advice. I wrote about volunteering in a previous post ‘Every Little Helps’ https://whenlifegivesyoulemons.blog/wp-admin/post.php?post=3714&action=edit , so I won’t bore you with repeating myself here.

However, it was the member’s musings that prompted me to see that perhaps the greatest gifts we bring require neither money nor talents. They require only ourselves.

The member recounted the story of a psychologist talking to some elderly residents in a care home. He asked them to think of their memories, not in terms of what happened, but how they behaved and felt. And equally importantly, how others behaved towards them. The member didn’t elaborate further, but it got my mind whirring. What are our memories but an impression of events and feelings. What is it that makes one memory special and another depressing? The answer is how we and others behave. Our greatest memories might be of an unexpected kindness; our worst, inflicting cruelty (or having it inflicted upon us).

**I’d love to know what brought that outburst of joy. The briefest encounters are full of possibilities**. Image: Johann Walter Bantz on Unsplash

On our best behaviour

Though it is clearly impossible to behave impeccably at all times, it is worth considering how we might conduct ourselves so that each interaction is one that brings joy rather than its opposite. I thought about what my ideal person would bring (aside from cake, obviously) and came up with the following: love, friendship, listening skills, compassion, non-judgment, good will, generosity, openness, truth, positive energy and encouragement. Any one of the above would make the encounter something to be remembered and cherished; each one would make us feel a little more whole.

One could easily spend an entire post looking at each of these and they are worth pondering for a moment. Perhaps you have different criteria. Take a moment to think of what you value in good relationships. Then comes the hard part – how we express them ourselves.

The greatest obstacle for me is invariably my ego – as easily bruised as a ripe fruit. They are not listening to me/appreciating me/paying attention to me so why should I do that for them? Why indeed? The answer I keep having to remind myself is that even if they are unable to treat me as I would wish, there is nothing stopping me for doing it for them. Rest assured that I do not always succeed (and certainly not nearly as often as I would like). I am a work in progress.

Spiritual fruits

This weekend is Whitsun or Pentecost and clearly my thinking is in synch with the season, since it is celebrated as the time when the fruits of the spirit descended on the follower’s of Jesus. Clearly my list is not so far off the rather more ancient one of: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.

**Precious fruits** Image: Caleb Gregory on Unsplash

Free gifts

These are, of course, the greatest gifts that we can bring. We don’t need to be talented or rich or special in any way. We have all been bestowed with these. There is a lovely expression in Swedish that says, ‘My hands are empty, but my heart is full’ and there is little a heart full of love cannot achieve.

We need no religious beliefs nor affiliation to see that these gifts exemplify the best in what it is to be human. In these restive and uncertain times, I feel that they are needed more than ever.

So shower the world with your gifts and watch it bloom.

Where do we go from here?

At my age, you don’t expect to have to learn life skills all over again, but since the restrictions have been eased in this country, it’s exactly what I have had to do. It’s as if all my knowledge has atrophied like muscles from lack of use. Fourteen months of self-isolation, with only my husband and the dog for company, is a long time. Re-emerging into the world was bound to be a little tricky. However, the interesting thing is that everyone I speak to (and yes, I get to do that again) seems to be feeling the same way, even though their last year has been less confined.

**It’s a big world out there** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Getting together/Keeping your distance

The first, and trickiest thing has been deciding how close our social interactions should be. Do we keep 2 metres apart? Do we keep our masks on? Do we allow a touch or a hug? For the last year or so, all social interaction has been dominated by the niggling fear that your good friend may well be the vector of your demise. Viral infection is worse than living under the Stasi – an ill-placed sneeze or touch could land you in the hospital, or worse, the morgue.

Though all my friends have now had both vaccinations and cases in my hometown are, of yesterday, down to zero, the edge of anxiety remains. Were we all to stay here and not have any visitors, we’d be fine. But the restrictions were barely lifted before folks were off to see relatives and vice versa. Even though the majority of the population have had at least one vaccination, that still leaves a large number with none.

**How I miss hugging my friends!** Image: Christiana Rivers on Unsplash

And I live in a resort. Most British people will be holidaying at home this year, which means my normally rather restrained seaside town will be bursting with tourists as soon as the summer proper begins. Of course, I can hardly blame them wanting a trip to the beach and a change of view, but it throws another level of anxiety into the mix.

Letting our guard down

When seeing friends, we have met quite normally without masks or especially distanced. I’ve even had the first people in my house. It’s been an exciting week. But it is also exhausting. On Saturday, I think I slept for about 15 hours – recovering from all the birthday visitors the week before. And to be honest, it’s not just the flurry of guests that has left me drained. I’m not quite sure how to be with people. I’m not sure others feel much better either. We are all terribly polite, or very prickly or even both. No one wants to offend, but no one wants to stifle their opinions either. Sometimes, I just want to retreat to the shed and hide. Lock-down all seemed so much easier.

As a friend said, then, we all knew what to do. Now we are like the unfortunate astronaut on a space walk whose tether has been cut. However, shed fantasies aside, we are equally desperate to see each other and catch up. My empty diary is now full and that too is adding to my sense of disquiet. Gone are the days of moseying down to breakfast, pootling about the garden and having dinner when hunger pangs made themselves known. Now I have to schedule my days, dress nicely, and plan.

I also have to drive. The peaceful, empty roads of lock-down are no more. Instead, they filled with a torrent of traffic, ambling pedestrians, parked cars and the inevitable road works. The briefest journey is an obstacle course that stretches my levels of concentration to the limit.

Finding our balance

**Balancing is always precarious** Image: JC Dela Cuesta on Unsplash

Since we have who no idea how long it will be before we return to anything like normal, we shall have to find a way to balance our old lives with our new. I confess that my enthusiasm to catch up with everybody and do everything that I have been missing over the last months was perhaps ill-advised, but we all have to learn somehow.

What has helped me with the transition has been maintaining the schedule of yoga, meditation and breathing that I began seriously a year ago. It means getting up earlier than I would like and getting downstairs later, but without it, I’m not sure that I would have been able to cope at all.

While everything is still in flux, maintaining our rituals, whatever they are, becomes even more important. We cannot balance on thin air.

What the future holds

The future, by definition, is unknowable, but we can aim to make it a good one. For me that means doing all I can to keep safe (thus avoiding cluttering up the hospital) and being mindful of the well-being of others also.

**Consulting a crystal ball** Image: Joshua Woroniecki on Unsplash

With all restrictions due to be abolished in the next few weeks, we will have to ‘self police’ when it comes to living as fully as we can and as securely as we can. It was indeed easier when we were told exactly what we could and could not do. Now we have to negotiate that tricky social territory of those who are in the nonchalant, ‘It’s all over’ camp and the ‘Will my vaccine actually protect me?’ one.

My health complications have not miraculously disappeared, so I shall have to tread very carefully as the weeks unfold. Like everyone, I want to move forward with confidence and pleasure in all those social interactions that we took for granted in the past. But, I shall have to have the courage to say when I do not feel comfortable. And I plan, as far as possible, to meet up outdoors. I shall have to learn not to apologise when I have to put my needs first nor to be coerced by more confident (and healthy) friends. I shall have to listen, too, to those who are more anxious about the future and respect whatever decisions they make – no matter how timid or unfounded their fears may seem.

If we do this right, where we go from here should be a wonderful place. Imagine a world where people listen to one another; respect each other and act with the interest of everyone’s well-being at heart. It may be a dream, but I for one think it is one worth pursuing.

The Darling Buds of May

**Apple blossom** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Wandering about the garden and admiring the blossoms and new buds, I could not help but think of these immortal lines. Many of us will have studied this sonnet in school, but I think that it is worth revisiting. Whilst Shakespeare was clearly writing a very flattering portrait of his patron, he also touches on some truths that might aid us in these uncertain times.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:
   So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
   So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

William Shakespeare

**A surviving tulip** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Rough winds

As in many parts of the country, the beginning of the month was marked by extremely high winds. We live at the top of the hill, so their force is felt even more strongly here. One night, we wrestled in the garden furniture and retreated to the safety of our home. The next morning, our beautiful swathes of red tulips were no more – only the slender stems that had supported them. The lawn was covered in blossom confetti and the trees, so richly dressed the day before, were naked save their vibrant, unfurling leaves.

The same happens every year. Our fruit trees entice the pollinators with their delicate blooms. The wind decimates them. And often life seems to behave in the same way. No sooner have we found our perfect place, than something comes along to destroy it: an ailing relative, our own health, life struggles.

Yet, more often than not, during the brief spell of their existence, the blossoms are pollinated and though the flower may be gone, the fruit is set to grow and thrive. The previous decade of my life has felt more like a hurricane than just rough winds. At times, it seemed that there was nothing more that could be stripped away. Only somehow, like the blossom, I had been ‘pollinated’ with a sense of acceptance and gratitude; that despite the storms of life, there is so much to live for. It is only when we are challenged, sometimes to the very limits of our being, that we can grow. My mind is much calmer now than ever before and equally, I have never enjoyed the natural world in all its guises so much. Though cold and rain are not my favourites, they only whet my appetite for spring and they are as vital to nature’s cycles as sunshine.

**Clematis** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Every fair from fair sometime declines

May is the month of clematis for me: that gorgeous, bountiful herald of summer. After months of anticipation, the buds finally open and a cascade of flowers appear. But they do not last long – a few weeks at most. Like all beauty, it is transient and all the more precious for that.

In Japan, the cherry blossom festival (Hanami), was derived from earlier tree worship. Emperor Saga (reign: 809-823) is attributed with establishing the more modern celebration in which flowers were admired, poems written and picnics enjoyed outdoors. And the idea of transience is at its heart. The flowers, like life, are short-lived. Here is a charming set of haiku to give you a flavour of Hanami.

Drinking up the clouds
it spews out cherry blossoms –
Yoshino Mountain.

Wind blows
they scatter and it dies
fallen petals

Petals falling
unable to resist
the moonlight

Sakura, sakura
they fall in the dreams
of sleeping beauty

Josa Buson

**Ornamental cherry** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade

Though we cannot, like Shakespeare’s muse, be immortalised in his verse, our brief lives do not end with us. Perhaps we have children who will pass on our genetic code; perhaps we have positively touched the lives of others and they revive us each time we are remembered. For though our transient state is sometimes frightening, it is no different from the cycles of the seasons.

So what can we take away from this? First, surely, is seize the day. Enjoy life’s bounty while you can. Second, for all our incredible intelligence and technologies, we are still carbon based life-forms. In the same way that energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed, matter too is not destroyed but only reconfigured. So that even when our physical being ends, and our composite parts are broken down to their atoms, we will not disappear but rather recombine to make new, living things. Who knows? Perhaps the atoms that make up me will join others to make spring blossoms of the future. I certainly hope so.

**Floral reincarnation?** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

The Amazing Power of Plants

Sometimes I wonder if I was an Italian in a past life, as I seem to be excessively interested in food. So, even though plants are amazing in all their forms, today I shall be looking at how putting them at the centre of our meals can improve our nutrition and our health.

For many years now, scientists and governments have come to see the value of a plant rich diet. In England we have 5-a-day; in Denmark it is six. Since six in Danish is seks (pronounced sex) the government health posters would read something like: Have you had six today? It was certainly one way of getting folks’ attention. Yet, even six portions is probably not enough. Seven would be better and France recommends ten. For an in-depth view as to what and how much you should eat, check out the BBC news article here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-26818386

**Eat your greens!** Image: Dose Juice on Unsplash

For those with health issues, especially autoimmune ones like MS, diabetes and cancer, increasing your intake of fruit and vegetables becomes even more pressing. The Overcoming MS diet is essentially plant based and it has brought me tremendous gains when my condition would be expected to deteriorate (it is a progressive disease after all). My good friend Elizabeth has diabetes and after radically altering her diet to a mainly plant based one, she has had startling improvements in a mere six months. In addition to losing a good deal of weight, her measures for diabetes have plummeted from 386-90 and her A1C levels have gone from 13 to 8 (someone without diabetes would be between 4 -5.6). This is fantastic news and she looks and feels terrific.

But you do not have to be unwell to start. All the health information I’ve read suggested that a mainly plant based diet can help you avoid many common ailments, and prevention is always better than cure.

Not everyone will be as quick to adapt as my friend and I confess it has taken me some time to gradually build the number and variety of fruits and vegetables I eat. Even when I was a regular vegetarian, I would often struggle to reach five. It may sound crazy, but with cereal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and a hot meal containing vegetables with two vegetables on the side, even adding an apple and a glass of juice, I barely made it. So how can you increase the amount of the good stuff you eat?

**Elizabeth’s creamy sweetcorn soup** Image: Elizabeth Harris

Sneaky vegetables

The simplest way to get lots of vegetables is in soups, salads and smoothies. Soups are a fantastic way of adding all sorts of things surreptitiously; this is especially helpful when you are dealing with picky eaters. Once you have blitzed your soup, who is to know that it contains dreaded onions? Smoothies work in the same way: carrots are sweet and can be added to fruit smoothies without affecting taste, as can celery and cucumber. Starting with sweeter, milder flavours is a good way to begin. If making mashed potatoes, add carrots and swede to make it more delicious and nutritious. I have started adding frozen peas to my rice and it tastes all the better for it. Once you make the decision up your vegetable intake, it is simply a matter or deciding where to put them. Just adding an extra vegetable to your plate with your evening meal is a great way to start.

Herb salad

One of the problems with cooking vegetables is that it breaks down and destroys many of the valuable nutrients contained within, especially vitamin C, so if you do want to cook them choose the speediest method using the least water – like steaming.

Better still, eat them raw. Salads are an excellent way to enjoy raw foods and they certainly don’t have to be boring. When Katherine of Aragon brought lettuce to the Tudor court, she probably had no idea that she ringing the death knell of the super salad. The items most of us associate with salad is rather flavourless lettuce, tomato and cucumber, but a salad can be much more than that. In Medieval times they had the right idea in making their salads a cornucopia of herbs and leaves. This herb salat would contain a multitude of flavours and textures. Even better, they can be prepared for most of the year and not just summer, since many herbs flourish in all but the coldest weather. Herbs are also easy to grow and simple to maintain.

**Variety is the spice of life** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

My herb salad above contained: radish leaves, thinly sliced leeks, mixed lettuce leaves, marjoram, sage, parsley, mint, black kale leaves and flowers, celery, rosemary and purple sprouting broccoli – all from the garden. Putting aside the special properties of herbs in aiding our gut health, the sheer variety of plants used here is important. The greater variety of vegetables and fruits you consume, the more likely you are to capture all their health benefits. Eating five apples a day is not the same as eating five different fruits. One way to gage if you have sufficient variety is to see how many colours are included on your plate. Ideally, you want to have a rainbow of hues.

Dress to impress

A good salad doesn’t need a lot of adornment. A simple dressing will do. I like a French dressing with a twist: equal quantities of good olive oil and balsamic vinegar, a spoon each of grain mustard, honey and fresh ginger paste. Shake and serve.

For creamier salads and slaws, use a vegan mayonnaise or you can make your own. Soya yogurt and creme fraiche also make wonderful dressings. I tend to mix half mayo and half yogurt to reduce the fat content. Then add what you fancy. Some of my favourites are pickled beetroot (drained) and chopped apple; celery, apple and walnut; and sliced cabbage, carrot, onion and raisin. If you are feeling extra virtuous, grated carrot tossed in lemon juice is fabulous.

A kitchen garden

Ideally, you want your vegetables as fresh as possible since they deteriorate quickly after picking. The good news is that you don’t even need a garden to enjoy fresh picked greens. You can grow them on your window ledge or worktop. A friend sent me a bean/seed sprouter kit for Christmas and after a little initial bemusement, I began to get the hang of it. The container sits by my sink so that I remember to water them twice a day and the results are delicious and almost instantaneous.

Fenugeek (left) and radish leaves (right) make interesting flavour additions Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Most supermarkets sell living herbs in pots, and by keeping them watered and making sure a few healthy leaves are left, you can get multiple servings from one plant.

Take it slow

Introducing a large amount of vegetables and fruit into your diet at once is likely to make you feel worse before you feel better. If you regularly eat pizza and ready meals, it is important to introduce things slowly. After all, your stomach is not used to processing so much fibre. Adding more fresh ingredients a little at a time is the most sustainable approach. As you get used to it, keep adding more until the majority of you diet is plant-based. It won’t be long before you see the benefits.

But most of all, enjoy. Make mealtimes something special; take a moment to arrange your food in pleasing ways. We crave beauty and attractive food just tastes better.

**Dessert as still life** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Every Little Helps

Last Saturday I received my second inoculation, which means that in a couple of weeks’ time, my life can return to something like normal. However, that is not the subject of this week’s post; instead, it is on how the kindness of others has made my brighter future possible.

The centre where I attended was a spacious community hall that had been carefully laid out to ensure the maximum number of people could be vaccinated in safety. So far, so normal. What was interesting though was that the vast majority of people working there were volunteers from The St John Ambulance service. They were friendly; they were efficient and they were perfectly trained to both administer the vaccine and direct the endless traffic of patients. What wonderful folks they were: giving up a sunny Saturday to deal with a not always appreciative public. The more I thought about it, the more I realised how precious their contribution was. By giving their time freely, they would save the government a substantial sum; by attending in the place of medical professionals, they left them free to care for their patients in the hospital and the community.

Though no-one wishes to live through a pandemic, it has highlighted what a genuinely great society we live in. Of course, the nightly news will showcase riots and bad behaviour, but what it is not being reported (except occasionally) is the staggering numbers of individuals who have made efforts big and small to help us get through this together. Pre-pandemic, around 23% of UK adults volunteered at least one hour per month. Since lock-down, according to The Guardian, we have added another 10 million who are mainly doing informal volunteering such as grocery shopping, collecting prescriptions or helping support services.

Good for me

I have volunteered, in one way or another, most of my adult life. And I would be the first to declare that whatever I am able to contribute to the general weal, is more than made up for in what it gives me. This is not in making my CV look better, but in giving me opportunities to learn and grow. When I first had a baby, I was rather overwhelmed by the intense loneliness that an at home mother feels. Volunteering with the National Childbirth Trust and later a mums and toddlers’ group allowed me to meet with like-minded souls and to stretch in ways I’d never imagined. My volunteering roles not only allowed me to try new things such as running a large event, writing for a newsletter and chairing a meeting, but it gave me the chance to say thank you to two organisations that literally saved my sanity.

**A child entertained and a cup of tea**. What more can a new mum ask? Image: Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Since then, I have been involved in many more organisations including Greenpeace, and for the last six years, Citizens Advice. The latter has been especially rewarding and I hope to continue there for as long as I am able.

Good for all of us

Personal benefits of volunteering aside, the sheer volume of free service offered in this country makes a significant impact on our taxes by reducing them. The estimated value of volunteering, with 19% of the population offering 3 hours a week, translates to £350 million per week. Eastbourne Citizens Advice alone accounted for a public benefit of more than £4 million in 2017-2018 http://www.eastbournecab.co.uk/eastbourne-citizens-advice/impact

Volunteering also allows for groups to cater to needs that the government has neither time nor resources to provide. It enables us to fill in the gaps in services from suicide prevention to protecting endangered species. Though the main beaches on the seafront here are cleaned beautifully and regularly, the less frequented ones are not, so beach cleans come into their own. This one took place on a rather more exotic location – but the outcome is the same.

**Protecting the beaches and the oceans** Image: Brian Yurasits on Unsplash

Given with love

When discussing this topic with a friend the other day, she mentioned that places like France expect the government to do all these things. Perhaps they do and there is a lot to be said for not relying on charity. However, I do believe that when people offer their time freely and with the desire to help others, they do so (in the main) with more joy and enthusiasm. When this is not the case (and we’ve all seen it), the person is either volunteering as a result of moral coercion or for entirely the wrong reasons such as wishing to appear good or to gain status.

When we give our time and energy with love, however, that is when the magic occurs. The kindly neighbour dropping off groceries for someone shielding not only provides their material needs but gives them a brief opportunity to reconnect with society. The person on the end of the telephone working for the Samaritans may literally save a life.

Every little helps

And the brilliant thing about volunteering is that there is something out there for absolutely everyone. Though my MS has meant regular employment is not possible for me, the flexible work I do for Citizens Advice is. I am passionate about social justice and was able to find a very perfect niche where my skills married with the requirements of the research and campaigns team. It took me a while to find it, but it was worth the wait. Charities are often very large organisations and need every kind of skill, so persevere until you find the one where you can contribute the most.

**Whatever you do, do with love** Image: Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Perhaps you do not wish to be tied to regular volunteering, well, there is plenty out there in the informal sphere – collecting prescriptions, signing up for the occasional beach clean or simply helping out a friend or neighbour. A formal arrangement is in no way vital.

And if work and family are literally taking all your time, there is no need to feel guilty that you are not volunteering as well. We cannot do everything. But we can, I believe, do something. With time limited, we can help the environment by buying organic fruit and vegetables or plant some bee friendly flowers in the garden. We can listen with empathy to a friend in need. We can send a card to someone who needs cheering. The world is ours to mould as we would wish it and every little helps.