Pain Management

Lying awake last night, I was pondering what to write for this post. By Wednesday evening, I’ve usually started planning and finding images, but this week has been a very full one (in a good way). What, if anything, could I bring to you? What has been on my mind?

Unfortunately, the answer came rather quickly: pain.

One of the reasons that I was lying awake was because my legs felt like they were being covered in boiling oil.

Fortunately, an hour or so before, I had taken some very strong CBD oil, which, in combination with my other medication, would eventually calm things down. Without either of them, I would be beside myself.

Catch -22

Ironically, the best thing for me to do to reduce these MS symptoms is to exercise. This is seldom painless, but it is the only way that I can ensure mobility. Sadly, it often leads to further discomfort later on, but lack of exercise would only lead to greater spasticity. I can’t win!

And though my legs experience the worst of it; at night especially, other parts of my body hurt or ‘go to sleep’, have violent pins and needles or spasms. Occasionally, I suffer the wonderfully misnamed MS hug, which rather resembles being caught in the ring with a heavyweight boxer. Sometimes, folks mistake it for a heart attack.

Pain is invisible

Like so many of the symptoms of MS, this one is invisible. But no-one wants their discomfort to show on their face, so they smile and brush it off. Self-pity is taboo. No-one likes a moaner. Indeed, writing this post, I am acutely aware that some might read it as just that: a ‘feel sorry for me’ piece, but it is not. Read on and you’ll see why.

While chronic pain is itself physically disabling, it keeps close company with depression. Knowing that one will never get better and in fact only get worse, is hardly a formula for optimism. But I have found that when we acknowledge and indeed embrace our reality, suffering can be transmuted into something else.

Pain as transformative

When I was younger, I was constantly puzzled by the position taken by a number of religious leaders that pain could be a good thing. How could it be a good thing? No doubt, I thought, such messages were given by those who didn’t endure pain or loss at all.

Yet, with all that has happened, I’ve come to realise that they are right. Mental and physical pain takes us out of the general swirl of life and lands us on a little island where we need to take stock and decide whether our circumstances will destroy or make us.

The most brilliant, compassionate and eloquent writer on such matters is the musician, Nick Cave. In his weekly post in The Red Hand Files (https://www.theredhandfiles.com/) he tackles readers’ heart-wrenching situations and finds a way to transform them. He has taken his own suffering as a prompt to help others with theirs and in doing so found a deep and meaningful calling.

Though in nowhere near the same league as Nick Cave, I too have found that suffering can bring an entirely new perspective on life. Though I could certainly do without the pain and the restrictions that disability brings, I am more calm, more cheerful and more accepting than ever.

The purpose of this blog was to show that no matter what life throws at you, there is good to be found. We need not be crushed by circumstance. I also wanted to draw attention to the unspoken world of the disabled and give it voice.

For disability and pain stick together like jam on toast. And so I’ll finish with a request that when you meet or interact with someone with disabilities that you remember that there is so much more that they are dealing with than meets the eye. Just getting out has shown great courage.

So many disparage the disabled, perhaps through ignorance or fear of prejudice, but I hope that you can greet them with compassion, understanding and friendship. We are not so different, you and I. *

  • My last comments were prompted by a distressing (to me) article in Country Living where a beautiful young woman found herself paralysed after a catastrophic illness. She writes, ‘As a disabled person, I don’t feel I belong in many places, but in the countryside, I feel free- until I experience a stranger’s question or stare.’ (Country Living, March 2024) In an age where we show acceptance of so much, perhaps it’s time we included the disabled in that too.

DakhaBrakha

One of the great pleasures of hosting someone from another land is that you get to learn all about their country to a depth that would not be possible without actually going and living there.

If you’d asked me about Ukraine two years ago, I would have said that it was once a part of Russia, that it was ‘the bread basket of the USSR’ and that Stalin was utterly evil to them. I may even have been able to find it on the map.

Mariia has encouraged us to learn more of the history and culture and especially about the music. She is rather an aficionado on the subject and has shared her knowledge.

DakhaBrakha ‘at home’. Image: Andriy Petryna

A unique sound

One of her favourite bands is DakhaBrakha. The group’s name means give and take in Old Ukrainian and their live performances are certainly a transfer of energy from band to audience and back. How would I describe them? I would venture to say that they are folk music for the 21st century; they describe themselves as ‘ethnic chaos’.

Chaos is perhaps too strong a word for a group whose musical talents are extraordinary. The vocals and instrumentals are worthy of any classical quartet – but there is a little controlled chaos in the unexpected, joyful turns their compositions take.

They met at the Kyiv Centre of Contemporary Art and their shows definitely have the flavour of the theatre. But I get ahead of myself.

The reason I am writing this is because for the first time in an age, I went to a live gig. Mariia – using her inimitable charm – managed to source a spare ticket even after they had sold out. My son, Greg, who had seen the band in Portland, Maine had very thoughtfully and kindly sent her two tickets for Christmas. But Mariia wanted us all to go. I would have to swallow my anxiety, organise the dog and stay awake to join them. I’m glad to say I succeeded in all three.

Close to home

The venue was nearby at the Attenborough Centre on the University of Sussex campus. We couldn’t ask for anything more convenient.

Dressed to impress in our Ukrainian shirts

And the venue was more than kind. Since these were standing only tickets, we had to notify them that I’d need a seat. Upon arrival, they escorted us to the auditorium and pointed out our reserved seats close to the stage but cordoned off from the audience. As I was a little worried about infection, this was an additional boon.

The warm up act came on promptly and was so strange (this is Brighton remember) that Mariia whispered to me that it was a deliberate ploy to make DakhaBrakha look normal. I laughed. The singer was seriously alternative and I’m not quite sure how she made her music. This is how she is described on Sound Cloud. ‘Bunty is the avant-pop project of artist and vocal improviser, Kassia Zermon. Best known for pioneering underground experimental vocal loop shows and fronting UK leading Dub act Resonators.’ Confused? Don’t worry – she was actually brilliant. One just had to relax and go with it.

The main act

Now sufficiently ‘groovy’, we were ready for the main act. The band came on punctually and launched into their new work. This was rather more melancholy that their usual fare, but they were, after all, trying to highlight the plight of Ukraine in this dreadful war.

Stage set Image: Mariia Matrunich

As an act of persuasion, this was a gentle one. The music was moving in a way that political commentary never could be. Combined with the incredible animations that reeled out behind them on stage, it was at times heart-rending.

A multimedia experience

The influence of theatre is strong with this group. Their costumes, which hark back to Cossack and traditional dress, nod to their country’s history and folk culture.

The animated backdrops give a visual dimension to their songs. The one below has the house symbolically sheltering the people underneath as ribbons of blue morph into drones falling from the sky.

Ribbons to rockets Image: Mariia Matrunich

It was, as my daughter-in-law said, extremely moving.

A unique sound

Just when I was longing for something a little more joyous, they broke into my favourite track ‘Spring’. Click hear to listen: https://soundcloud.com/mirian-gabaidze/dakhabrakha-vesna-autumn?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

It takes you through a spring day, beginning with birdsong and increasing in tempo and energy as the day takes hold and then back to the quiet as dusk falls and the birds return to the shelter of the trees. It’s rather long – so have patience.

And for those wanting a slightly quicker fix, I’ve included a clip from Jools Holland’s show, Later. For an incredibly quirky band, their popularity has grown exponentially and they now have an international following.

Having found the courage to venture outside my comfort zone, I plan to reach further still. The arts have so much to offer and I plan to be there to receive.

And I shall conclude with this outro.

In performance

Fifteen minutes

Soon after I was diagnosed with MS, my nurse offered me a course on managing fatigue. What a gift! Here was an opportunity to find solutions to the most troubling and disabling part of the condition.

Each week, I went along and gained insights: some helpful, some less so. But the one thing that struck was the notion that I should measure activities by time and not by task. This was a novel idea. It was also one that took a great deal of effort to adopt.

After all, most of us think of completing a project as one entire, fluid action. We set time aside to do it, yes, but that is flexible. We do not stop half way through. Or a quarter. Or an eighth.

Managing fatigue meant slicing time into portions that you could cope with. For me, that was about fifteen minutes. Despite recovering well, I still find it the ideal amount of time to work without the consequences of fatigue and brain fog.

Mini breaks

Sadly, not this kind of break. Image: Danny Mc on Unsplash

Battering myself against this truth got me nowhere. I’d soldier on, vowing that I could easily do more only to find myself, half an hour later, prone upon the sofa or feeling nauseous.

Slow learner that I was, I hadn’t realised that half an hour broken into two with a short pause in between was quite manageable – or even an hour or more. The breaks were key, whether is was to sit for a while before resuming a walk or stretching and getting a drink when writing.

Though I hope that none of you reading this suffer in the same way, I do think that little parcels of effort paradoxically get us further than when we are faced with huge tasks.

This week, I’ve been pondering all the wonderful things one can do in fifteen minutes that enrich our lives. If you have a quarter of an hour, you may like to try some.

Journal

I’ve finally got back to my journaling and doing it regularly and seriously. I am aided by the woman who started it all’s new book, Living the Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron.

I’ve written about The Artist’s Way before, and this is a sequel. Whereas before, she wrote about the creative journey, here she focuses on guidance.

And with so much uncertainty in my life at the moment, it is exactly the help I need.

You can think of guidance as heaven sent or from the depths of a benevolent subconscious, but if we trust the method, we can use it to find solutions to even the most complex issues and subsequently, a greater sense of calm.

Read a poem

This Christmas, I was given a gorgeous selection of poems which I added to one I bought in Maine. Poetry seems to be luring me back. I once wrote a great deal of it and reading and being inspired by these verses seems to be a prelude to my own renewed practice.

The perfect short read

One can, of course, guzzle poems as sweeties from a jar, but I like to take my time. When teaching, I instructed students to view them as condensed short stories and give them ten to fifteen minutes to read properly. A good poem is like a very dense, and very satisfying morsel.

If you find one you love, write it out in a notebook or even strive to learn it. The beauty of it is revealed through time and reflection. Here’s one of my favourites from Watching Swallows. 

Thaw

Over the land freckled with snow half-thawed
The speculating rooks at their nests cawed
And saw from elm-tops, delicate as flower of grass,
What we below could not see - Winter pass.

Edward Thomas

Make a nourishing meal

With new science showing the link between good physical and mental health, eating properly becomes an imperative rather than a life-choice. Convenience and high fat foods are less convenient when they result in diabetes or Alzheimer’s. And despite the popular assumption that cooking a wholesome meal is time consuming or expensive, I rarely spend more than fifteen minutes on a light meal and no more than thirty on a main one.

Homemade soups, flavourful salads and pasta dishes can all be easily whipped up in quarter of an hour and include a good portion of your fresh fruit and vegetables. Fuelled on deliciousness, your fifteen minutes will be productive too.

Turkish pasta topped with olive oil, spring onion, yogurt and za’atar spice. Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

A side dish with sliced apples, carrots and other raw fruit and vegetables is always a great accompaniment.

Take a walk in nature

Yesterday the winter sun shone brightly and I took the dog to a gorgeous park not far from where I live. Hampden Park is elegantly landscaped and densely populated with ambling visitors and a wide array of wildlife.

On the lake, I spotted a military-looking heron in his grey uniform, three large swans, dozens of mallard ducks, moor hens, coots and, I believe an Egyptian goose. This colourful and unusual creature is probably one of the many exotic escapees now living wild in the UK.

Hermione didn’t know what to chase first.

The combination of fresh, cold air; a gentle walk serenaded by birdsong and hints of spring bursting in every corner was an excellent tonic for the spirits. Immersion in nature for as little as fifteen minutes is enough to improve one’s mood. Add a little exercise and meditation on a bench and much of one’s daily self-care is satisfied.

Make art

I thought I would end with my latest daily exercise. I spotted this book whilst browsing in Much Ado Books. Whether it was the charming style of the illustrator or the chiming with the topic for this post, I decided to purchase it.

After all, a good doodle always gets me into a great mood and learning a little about colour and shading is a bonus.

Time well spent

My list of 15 minute exercises is rather longer than we have space for here. I attempt to do them all regularly and find that despite the handicap of my fatigue, my days are generally productive.

A short time to meditate, learn a language, or take a nap can be incredibly refreshing. Mixing the cerebrally taxing and physically restful allows an abundance of projects to be completed each day. And if you only have five minutes? You can read my blog!

Better Together

This week marks the nadir of the year, with Blue Monday falling on the 15th. Festivities over and days still short, we are all feeling a bit low. For most of us, this will pass in a few weeks as the spring flowers burst into bloom and we wake to sunlight instead of darkness.

For many others though, loneliness is a way of life. It is estimated that chronic loneliness affects around 3.83 million people or 7.1% of the adult population. (Campaign to End Loneliness). This impacts their mental and physical health and the well-being of the nation. Those living with health conditions and in deprived areas are the most seriously affected and although the problem may seem overwhelming, I do believe that we can all play a small part in alleviating this form of suffering.

Reaching out to the isolated

I am blessed with so many friends and family who selflessly connect with others. Whether it is helping at food banks, assisting the elderly with tasks or buying shopping for a sick friend, they are all bringing a great deal of joy and fellowship to those who need it.

Volunteering for a good cause Image: Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

And if your schedule has no room for volunteering, there are plenty of organisations happy to take your donations. These are as necessary as the volunteers themselves.

With need so overwhelming, it is best to start small. A text or call to someone you know who is isolated, a visit if you have time, can transform a lonely day. I know I could not have made it through my various health crises without the constant and loving messages that helped be through the worst.

The national issues which exacerbate loneliness: poverty, ethnicity and long-term health conditions are not always something we can personally affect. We can, however, vote for MPs who take their needs seriously and campaign for fairer and better conditions.

Eating together

The best way to start is close to home. Something as simple as a shared meal can do wonders for alleviating loneliness and brings a plethora of benefits to children.

When we eat together, we take time to talk, to hear each others’ stories and concerns. We feel valued and connected and the meal itself, however simple, becomes elevated. I’d rather eat beans on toast with my family than a gourmet feast on my own.

Boxing Day tea. We don’t normally eat this much!
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

And living alone is no barrier to enjoying this form of togetherness. I have been truly inspired by a number of single friends who regularly get together for a shared meal or who bring each other extras from their own cooking or baking. Few things are more wonderful than unexpected homemade cookies!

And if cooking for a crowd seems daunting, more and more of us have realised that we don’t have to do it all. My craft friends were round on Monday for candle making and lunch. We each brought a course or part of one and we had a wonderful repast. No-one had the stress of planning everything and we each enjoyed the variety of different contributions.

Making together

Next to eating together, my favourite activity is making together. Each Monday, I meet with friends to do various crafts: some sew, some paint, draw or create. We drink coffee and share stories and hopefully, end the session with something to show for our ‘hard work’.

My friend Jane and I had attended an art workshop and when it ended, we still wanted to do something. So craft club was born.

Of course, there are an infinite variety of courses on offer, but the costs can sometimes be prohibitive. That said, I have enjoyed numerous courses over the years and found quietly working together to be a great way to connect with others over a shared enthusiasm.

When Jeff, Mariia and I were making chocolate, my husband said that what made it special was that we were doing it as a group. Though much has been written about the benefits of shared activities, it boils down to the fact that it is simply more fun.

Taking a risk

Every year, my lovely neighbours, the Morrisons, put on a brilliant party between Christmas and New Year. They send out the invitations, make elaborate preparations, write quizzes and decorate. Then they wait.

Because offering your company, your home and hospitality involves risk. As anyone who hosts knows, there is a terrible moment when you think everyone will cancel, or that the meal will be a disaster, or that they won’t think much of your home etc etc. Some are so paralysed by this fear that they never host at all.

Arriving early, we had a chance to chat with our host! It was soon heaving.
Image: Mariia Matrunich

And, of course, sometimes things do go wrong. But if you have invited friends, it’s unlikely they will criticise. Hopefully, they will laugh with you over the disaster. It may even make them feel less intimidated by hosting an event themselves.

Making compromises

So what makes us so reluctant to share our experiences? The answer is that to do so involves a lot of compromise. Few of us enjoy capitulating to the wishes of others and the modern world conspires to make such compromise unnecessary.

Don’t want to watch a programme with your parent/partner? No problem, you can watch your choice on your own TV or iPad. Don’t like what’s on the menu for dinner? A frozen one can be made in the microwave and taken to your room.

Yet, though indulging our whims may temporarily appease our egos, it will ultimately make us unhappy, because we will be increasing the amount of time we spend alone.

Negotiating and agreeing on what we do together strengthens rather than weakens bonds. We do need to ensure that the quiet ones are heard though and their wishes heeded too.

It may mean that sometimes you do/eat/watch something that is not very appealing. However, it is almost certain that it will also open up new ideas and experiences you would have missed on your own.

As a member of a book group for over thirty years, there have been a handful of less than brilliant books, but there have been a plethora of wonderful works that I would never have spotted on my own. And even if I didn’t particularly enjoy the book, the host often warms me to it with their enthusiasm and insight. Thus our meeting becomes transformative.

No man is an island

John Donne’s beautiful sermon establishes that we are interconnected and interdependent. For him, our union rests in the belief that ‘ all mankind is of one author’ (i.e God). Yet, we do not have to be a believer to see the truth in this. Man, like most animals, is a social creature who needs the interaction and support of his fellows to survive.

From the food we eat to the clothes we wear, it is a huge collaborative effort.

Making connections at the Ukrainian craft fair Image: Mariia Matrunich

If we can remember this, we can perhaps shed our more selfish impulses and find instead the joy that doing things together brings.

The Three Chocolatiers

January is a dull month. The excitement of Christmas and New Year is over and spring still seems far off. So if you are looking for a way to cheer yourself up – might I suggest chocolate making?

My husband expressed an interest in making his own chocolate and I bought him some rather lovely ingredients for his birthday. And once you have made your own chocolate, no other will taste the same.

When Mariia discovered that we do this, she wanted to take part. Thus, the three chocolatiers were born.

Our latest recruit Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

Simply delicious

Of course, we do not make chocolate like the professionals. Pouring it out onto marble slabs and tempering it is way beyond us, but perfectly delicious chocolate can be made very simply indeed. It just won’t be as shiny as the commercial kind.

The ingredients are surprisingly few and readily accessible. I buy ours on-line where I can get the highest quality cocoa and cocoa butter. It may look expensive, but it makes more chocolate than you and your friends can eat. How much you make each session is up to you. My husband, who takes the expression, ‘Less is more’ and turns it into ‘If less is more, just think how awesome more is’ tends to make a kilo at a time. (Don’t worry. You don’t have to eat it all at once.)

Take five ingredients Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Getting ready

If, like us, you want to make very bespoke chocolate, you may have to do some preparation in advance. You will need all your fillings to hand before you start making the chocolate.

Mariia loves toasted nuts and seeds and so filled little jam jars with a variety to choose from. Dried fruits need to be chopped small and I’d recommend dates, apricots, cranberries and my favourite, dried white mulberries. Candied peel is also delicious, so if you have some left over from making your Christmas cake, now is the time to use it up.

What to choose? Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

For this batch, I decided to make a caffeine addict version using coffee beans and cocoa nibs (raw chocolate). A brief bash with the mortar and pestle ensured that my coffee beans would be well distributed in the moulds.

Chocolate for caffeine addicts
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Kitchen moulds

Silicone moulds can be expensive, but there is no need to invest in them yet. Jeff and Mariia (remember the more is more bit?) love to use muffin cases and tins for theirs. Being a little more restrained, I use mini muffin cases and this time a madeleine tray which made the most adorable chocolates. Silicone bar moulds are quite reasonable, but you might need to purchase a few if you want to make more than one bar!

Mini muffin tins plus cases make perfect sized treats Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

And here’s how to do it

For the ingredients, take equal quantities of cocoa butter and cocoa chunks/ powder and place in a heat proof bowl over a pan of simmering water.

Melting the ingredients over a gentle heat
Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

Don’t let the temperature get too high (you only want to melt the cocoa) and avoid getting water in the bowl.

Stir it constantly until the mixture melts and blends.

The next bit is a matter of taste, but this is how we like it. Add a cap full of quality vanilla essence, a tiny sprinkle of salt and sugar to taste. You can use any sweetener, but we found that brown sugar works best when it comes to setting. Add a tablespoon of sugar at a time until you have the flavour you like. We have ours quite bitter, but you may like it sweeter.

Ready to pour

Once the chocolate is sweet, shiny and smooth, you are ready to pour it into the moulds. Turn the heat off, but leave the bowl above the water so that it doesn’t harden.

For ease of pouring, I took a measuring cup full of the liquid chocolate to pour into the moulds.

Mariia demonstrates the technique
Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

Depending on what texture you would like, either pour the chocolate over the waiting fillings or add it at the end to give an extra bumpy texture. (Or both!)

The Long Wait

Now all you have to do is set it aside somewhere cool and wait for it to harden. If you can, leave it overnight.

When perfectly solid, peel out of the moulds and enjoy.

These were set aside for craft club
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

These chocolates are perfect for sharing and gifts. Though a word of caution: if you get too good at it, you may never escape your kitchen.

The Magical Mystery Tour

When the year turned to 2020, I was full of hope. We had celebrated in the Highlands in proper Scottish fashion (think pipers and sword dancing) and anticipated an amazing year ahead. Our diary was already filled with literary events, family visits and a trip to the US. Of course, none of that came about and now I know better.

Because whatever you think will happen in life, often doesn’t. And whatever you think won’t does.

So a few years older, and I hope wiser, this year I’m going with the flow.

The magic bus Image: Elizabeth Lies on Unsplash

Going along for the ride

Rather than trying to micromanage my future, I’m taking a mystery tour on the magic bus that is life.

It will keep moving forward in whatever direction it chooses and there is something rather wonderful about that. Accepting how little control we actually have is rather liberating. As someone who has spent their entire life planning ahead, it has taken a great leap of faith to adopt this attitude, but with so much of my life in abeyance this year, it seemed the only sane approach to take.

Stress, is more often than not, a result of frustrated desire. We want to do so much but can actually do so little. We want to control outcomes that are seldom under our control. Stress is often what kills us.

The road ahead Image: Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

That said, it does not mean that I’m abandoning everything. I have many responsibilities. I am only letting go of the delusion that my future can be sculpted by my hands.

Fit to travel

Rather than focusing on what lies ahead, I am working on what is happening now and I want that now to be as fulfilling and wonderful as I can make it. Having rediscovered that what makes me happy – really happy – is language, nature and creativity – that is where I’m placing my attention.

Quite a few of my good habits have gone awry recently, so I’m trying to bring them back one at a time.

As an incentive to practice, I’ve paid for a year in advance on my Duo-Lingo account. The site also badgers me daily to do a little Ukrainian.

My morning pages (which sometimes veer into evening) are back on track and if I don’t have time for art, as such, I doodle in my journal or decorate the margins with washi tape. I even managed a speedy collage that makes me smile each time I open it. Creativity doesn’t need to be a huge commitment to be enjoyable.

Personal time for reading is back on the menu with library deadlines helping to keep me focussed. Meditation, formal and informal, back in play.

I just need to find time for yoga!

Life’s spanner

As if on cue, life decided to demonstrate the veracity of my post. Just as I got half-way through, I was felled by a particularly nasty UTI. Sadly, MS makes me particularly vulnerable to infection and infection can lead to relapse.

Fortunately, I had thought ahead enough to ensure I had emergency antibiotics. Some planning is essential! Though all the lovely things I had scheduled for the following days were put on hold.

Feeling terrible, with all my MS symptoms vying for ascendency, there was nothing to do but wait for the worst to pass. The antibiotics performed their miracle of healing and I was at least able to sleep. Today, I am better still, if dreadfully tired and tomorrow, I hope to be able to visit Chichester as planned.

No doubt it will be a quieter and more relaxed visit – but then, that may be no bad thing.

The Turning of the Year

Today marks the turning of the year and the coming of the light. What a joyful prospect!

With Christmas just days away, I hope that we can keep that hope in our hearts. The world may appear quite crazy, but we can still show that we love one another and bring our own little light into each other’s lives.

So while you are making your final preparations, I trust that you will keep the spirit of Christmas even whilst someone grabs the last Brussel sprouts and steals your parking place!

Wish me luck! I shall be venturing to Sainsbury’s this afternoon.

This will be the final post for this year and all it leaves me to do is say:

Merry Christmas!

A tree full of memories Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

I shall join you again after the New Year. Enjoy this magical time.

Much love, Karen xxx

Catering to Vegans

With the holidays arriving soon, many of us are turning our thoughts to menus and food shopping. In the past, such things were relatively straight forward, but now, with so many having different dietary requirements, it can all seem a bit of a nightmare.

The good old days when we all ate everything! Image: Image: Rumman Amin on Unsplash

As one of those ‘difficult’ guests, I apologise in advance on behalf of all of us. Some will have dietary needs based on ethics, some on health and some simply a matter of taste, but few will relish being the awkward one.

The spirit of the season

As a result, it is not unusual for the ‘difficult guest’ to bring their own food. This certainly makes it easier for the host, but is hardly in the spirit of the occasion. Whilst I would never expect anyone to cater to my rather peculiar diet, it gives me great pleasure when they do. And it does not require great culinary skill or weird and unusual ingredients (though you can try that if you wish.)

So, to make life a little easier on those catering to vegans and many other special diets, I’ve devised some ideas and hacks to help get you through the holidays without having to make extra dishes or compromise on taste.

Recipes, recipes

The expert on their diet is the person themselves and perhaps they can guide you to their favourite treats or cookery writer. Mine has to be my friend Karen Lee who I met through the OMS socials. She writes simple, no nonsense recipes with all sorts of variations for food intolerances. Her Eat Well, Live Well book is my go to for tasty tips.

A very well-loved cook book
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

With the number of folks choosing a plant based diet exploding, there is no shortage of recipes on all mainstream media. BBC Good Food ideas are invariably idiot-proof and delicious.

Supermarkets now have whole aisles dedicated to plant based options and a trip to a specialist health food shop isn’t necessary at all. The easiest thing is to pick up a delicious nut roast or meat alternative and serve it with your roast dinner.

Soups and starters

Most soups can be made vegan friendly simply by substituting a meat stock cube with a vegetable one. Clearly chicken and ox tail are off the menu, but mushroom and chestnut; spicy roast butternut squash and vegetable are definitely on.

This silky, ginger and butter squash soup with a swirl of vegan cream and seed sprinkles should appeal to everyone.
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Starters tend to be salad based and if you wanted to make something with prawns or bacon or chicken pieces, most vegans would be very happy to just have the salad by itself. If you are worried about the dressing, oil and vinegar is always delicious.

The main event

Most Christmas meals contain a wonderful array of vegetable dishes. Personally, I’d be happy eating just them. Where some meat or dairy products might slip into their preparation, here are some quick switches you can make:

  • Goose fat – olive oil or vegetable lard
  • Milk – oat milk (cooks really well) and makes a silky, smooth, thick white sauce when made with corn flour. Add a little vegetable stock powder or herbs for extra flavour
  • Cream – soya cream works in hot and cold dishes
  • Cheese flavour – I use yeast flakes in my cheese sauces. It really is good!
  • Fake bacon – okay, it isn’t really as delicious, but it is a good substitute, as are vegan sausages.
  • Gravy – A roast is not a roast without gravy, so to avoid having to eat a very dry nut roast, I had to find a way to make a sumptuous vegan one. The trick is to add Marmite and red wine or port to your roux, add stock, mix well and heat until creamy. You can buy vegetable gravy granules to which you add boiling water if you only need a tiny amount.
  • Adding zip to your vegetables! When we roast our vegetables, we often add cashew or other nuts to give it a little lift. If I have some, I will also add whole chestnuts. Toasted seeds and nuts are also delicious on vegetable dishes and salads.

Delicious desserts

Sweet dishes are often the hardest to adapt to a plant based diet, however, they needn’t be. If the thought of making something with plant gelatine or egg substitutes gives you the jitters, a fruit salad, hot or cold would be gladly received (and also by some of your groaning, over-full guests).

If you are feeling a tiny bit more adventurous, here is a recipe that is sure to please everyone. (Just don’t tell them about the main ingredient.) Because, silken tofu is your friend!

Three steps to heaven
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

To make the most luscious chocolate mousse, here’s the recipe:

Chocolate Mousse – Serves 4

Melt 100g of very dark chocolate (most chocolate over 50% cocoa is vegan) in a bowl over a pot of simmering water. When melted, remove from the heat.

Take one packet of silken tofu and squeeze out as much of the liquid as you can. (I cut off a tiny corner of the packet to avoid losing half of it down the sink!)

Put the tofu in a food processor and whiz until smooth. Add a teaspoon of vanilla essence (or any flavour you wish) and then the melted chocolate.

Spoon into espresso cups or wine glasses, chill and decorate with coffee beans, soft fruits or mint sprigs.

Other tasty things

Since becoming plant based, I have come to appreciate dried fruits and nuts much more. Large dates stuffed with walnuts make a delicious after-dinner treat or a plate with small slices of prettily coloured fruits. (Thank you Aunty Morag!)

If your guest are enjoying a cheese board, you might try some vegan ones or just lay out figs, dates, dried cranberries and a variety of nuts to nibble. I suspect the vegans won’t be the only ones digging in.

Christmas cakes and mince pies are easily adapted to vegan tastes and often available to buy at the better supermarkets (M&S, Waitrose and Sainsbury’s). Mince pies are even more easily sourced and if you make your own, just substitute vegetable suet for beef in the mincemeat – and remember not to put egg or butter in your pastry!

Whatever you choose for your Christmas feast this year, I hope it gives everyone joy and if you fancy adding a little vegan twist -well, so much the better.

Finding Joy Amidst Sorrow

To slightly misquote Dickens, the holiday season is the best of times and the worst of times. Whilst parties and gift giving are always a joy, the time itself often churns up a sea of less happy emotion. Our reunions are often missing some of the people we love best, either because of distance or their loss.

My boys are thousands of miles away and though I am delighted at the amazing technology behind video calls, our Christmas meetings are a mere simulacra of the real thing. At this time of year, I miss my brother too. He may have died 33 years ago, but his absence still pains me.

Joy at the heart of sorrow Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

And I know I am not alone in these sentiments. Few of us will be lucky enough not to have any sorrow at this time whether brought about by grief, anxiety, loneliness or depression.

Words of wisdom

Whilst scrolling through Netflix documentaries for our Ukrainian, Mariia, I spotted one called Mission Joy starring Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama. (For more information check out https://missionjoy.org/) That looked like just what we needed, so I paused to let her see it and yes, she chose it.

This year will be our second Christmas together. While we love her company, and I’m sure we’ll have a cheerful celebration, we are acutely aware that she is unable to go home to her own family. Since the Dalai Lama is also a refugee, I felt his words might give comfort.

Despite coming from very different religious backgrounds, the two men were very much in agreement about what brings joy into our lives. Each had suffered, yet each was full of the most sparkling of spirits.

What they said was not entirely new to me. Upon my diagnosis, I felt the whole world fall away. My old life was gone and my future looked very bleak indeed. What saved me was finding the Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis programme. In it were suggestions to tend to both my mind and my body and this led me to the revelatory book Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Here was someone who acknowledged that life is usually full of challenge and difficulty and rather than shying away from the fact, actively embraced it. For within catastrophe can be found hope. I did my homework and discovered what he said was true.

Revision

That was eight years ago and I think I was ready for a refresh and Mission Joy did just that. So I’d like to give a very brief precis of their words coupled with my own experience. Life is never easy. We are all walking wounded. Acknowledging that is, I believe, the first step towards healing.

Reframing

The Dalai Lama gave great credit to this activity. Our minds, after all, determine our reality, so if we are able to shift our focus, to ‘reframe’ the moment or event, we may be able to see it as a point of opportunity rather than a dead end.

What you see in the picture is up to you Image: Angele Kamp on Unsplash

Being diagnosed with a chronic condition would seem like a catastrophe, but it has opened up my world in the most amazing ways. I may not be able to work, but I now have time to write and create; I may not be able to walk far, but each step feels like a miracle. My appreciation for everything has multiplied a hundred fold and gratitude is definitely the route to happiness.

Contemplation

Finding a time for quiet, prayer or meditation is vital to still our crazy ‘monkey minds’. This is especially true in the lead up to Christmas where lists seem to give birth to lists with Malthusian consequences.

Crazy busy! Image: Anna Dziubinska on Unsplash

Following Zinn’s suggestions, I learned to seriously meditate: forty minutes a day for eight weeks. It was hard work, but bit by bit my anxiety about the future was quelled and my capacity for hope increased. Though I confess to being a bit lax on the formal meditation side at the moment, I do ensure that I have quiet times each day to simply be and let go of my worries.

But don’t take my word for it. The science clearly supports the calming effects of contemplation. It brings many other benefits too including increasing resilience and with that physical well-being.

The catch? There’s always a catch. To enjoy these benefits you have to commit whole-heartedly to daily practice – even if that is only five minutes at first. Like physical strength, it requires a regular workout.

When suffering does you good

I doubt this part is going to be very popular. None of us like to suffer and I hope none of us like to see others suffer either. However, suffering is often the route to compassion.

Tutu used the example of Nelson Mandela who began as a man of violence and ended a man of peace. His suffering in the notorious Robben Island penal colony might have inflamed his anger, but instead sparked compassion. The transition to black African rule might have been fraught with bloodshed, but under Mandela’s guidance, was one of peace.

One word says it all Image: Dave Lowe on Unsplash

Compassion literally means ‘to suffer with’. If we do not know suffering, it is very difficult to imagine it. It also is taken to mean having motivation to alleviate that condition. In other words, unlike pity, it is an active emotion.

My less than pleasant experiences with MS and cancer and bereavement have had the unexpected benefit of enabling me to understand much more clearly how others feel in those circumstances. With that, I hope my words and actions reflect that and the recipient does not feel pitied but rather supported in their journey.

Finding joy

For joy is to be found not within ourselves but as a by-product of giving. Tutu said, ‘ Joy is the reward we receive for giving joy to others.’ That is a philosophy that I can certainly stand by.

Modern society focuses on the individual and the satisfaction of his or her desires as the path to happiness. Unsurprisingly, the world has never been more depressed.

This is not to say that we give up all the things we love. There are good selfish and negative selfish emotions. The Dalai Lama suggested that good selfishness ensures that you take care of yourself. Negative selfishness is when you obtain your objective at the expense of others.

A balance needs to be struck between these two.

For my part, joy is bundled with love. If we take the Christmas message to love one another and show good will to all men, we will have a very joyful Christmas indeed – regardless of how life has treated us.

Getting Ready for Christmas

This year, I have vowed to get ahead of Christmas and not scrabble frantically as the days on the advent calendar make their inexorable way to twenty-five. With a little preparation, I hope to make the season one of joy instead of stress. When I have found a gift, I have wrapped it with care rather than cursing through the eleventh hour, Sellotape attached to everything but the present. My Christmas cake is made and the mincemeat ready in jars. If all else fails, it is good to know we shall have something to eat.

Because, November is the most miserable of months. Endless dreer, drecht days do nothing for the spirit and the mounting anxiety as Christmas hoves into view doesn’t help either.

So I think I have found a tonic. Creative projects, sociable activities and candle-light are the perfect antidote for gloom. Though I appreciate that this post is going out on the 1 Dec, I hope that some of these activities will inspire you to do something festive as the holidays approach. Nothing takes more than half a day, and plenty just half and hour.

And though I can’t compete with the Martha Stewarts of the world, I can enjoy having at least a few little things that I can point to and say, ‘I made that!’

Feed the cake

At craft club, a friend talked about making her Christmas cake. My first thought was, ‘What? Already?’ Then I realised that Christmas was now only weeks away and if I were to have any chance of making a nice, moist, well-sozzled cake, I would have to start now.

Most years, I only remember a week ahead and so have little time to feed it with brandy. This year, I plan to have my cake fail the breathalyzer test. Hopefully, it will keep well into the New Year too – if it isn’t eaten first.

Unwrapped for its weekly feed
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Wreath making with friends

When my lovely friend, Jane, offered to do a wreath making workshop with us, we jumped at the chance. She very kindly sourced all the materials we needed and we brought extra greenery and something for lunch.

Unlike most of my craft mornings, we were very quiet, concentrating hard on following instructions. In only a couple of hours, our bare wire frames were festooned with flora and ready to hang on the door.

Working together, we were able to swap tips and ideas, laugh at mistakes and congratulate each other on our achievements. Projects complete, we could settle to a delicious shared lunch and admire our handiwork.

It was a joyous morning that was full of Christmas spirit. (Bit like my cake!)

Mincemeat

Inspired by my success with the wreath, I decided to make even more Christmas treats. The mincemeat below was a very economical one. It used up all the spare ingredients from the cake, some vegetable suet that was mere months away from its sell-by date and some delicious dried foods on the shelves. The pretty labels had been languishing in a drawer waiting for their opportunity to shine.

Of course, now I shall have to make mince pies – but I shall worry about that another day.

Table decorations

Inspired by my friend’s German copy of Landlust magazine and having begged a bag of moss from my friend Jane, I was ready to make a floral table decoration. The base is a rather dinged springform tin, around which I wound some ivy from the garden. Moss secured the candles and then it was just a question of adding greenery and pine cones.

Serious flower arrangers look away! It is far from perfect, but I feel the greens and candles give the festive feel I’m looking for. And when the candles are lit, all you will see is the light.

Reusable crackers

This year, I really want to try to be as eco-conscious as possible. Gifts bought need to be practical and beautiful; wrapping recyclable where possible and decorations natural rather than plastic. As part of this aim, I decided to try to make a reusable cracker.

It was more straight-forward than I thought. I had left-over fabric and only needed some cracker fillings. These I found on Ebay for a few pounds, loo roll cardboard tubes we had saved, and the treat was a teabag!

If you would like to make some, here’s how (and I’m sure that there are even more professional guidelines on YouTube)

  • Cut a piece of fabric approximately 30 cm by 15cm. A fat quarter should yield you enough for 6 crackers
  • If you want to add an embellishment (I had a scrap of Hello Kitty fabric left) stitch that onto the right side of the fabric.
  • Fold the fabric in half, length-wise, right sides facing and sew by hand or machine.
  • Using pinking shears, cut along all the edges. This will reduce the size of the seam and give a cool ‘cracker-like’ look to the ends.
  • Turn right-side out and slide in the loo roll tube or rolled piece of card.
  • Fill with a gift, joke, snap and crown.
  • Make sure the card is centred and then tie the ends with ribbon or even long scraps of fabric.
  • Your crackers can be used as bespoke wrapping for an expensive gift, or ‘cards’, or for the dinner table. When the holidays are done, simply store them away for next year.

Wildlife baubles

With temperatures free-falling into single digits, it is also time to think of the denizens of the garden. Though there are still plenty berries on the shrubs and ivy, I think the birds and squirrels deserve a treat along with the rest of us. I learned how to make these wildlife baubles at a seed swap last year and with suet left over from the mincemeat, thought it time to make some more.

It really couldn’t be simpler and a lovely activity to do with children.

All you need is: vegetable suet, pine cones, birdseed, string or twine. Warm the suet in your hands and when it is nice and sticky, press into the pine cones. Roll the cones in birdseed, attach the string and there you are! For a deluxe version, press peanuts and raisins into the pine cones before adding the suet. (Avoid the raisins if you have a dog though, as they are highly toxic for them.) Hang on trees in the garden.

There’s nothing like home(made)

With so many Christmas preparations done this month, I am looking forward to rather than dreading the main event. There is still plenty to do – writing cards and sourcing gifts are next on my list, but they feel manageable instead of overwhelming. And the pleasure of having made even a few things helps remove the sour taste of commercialism that often taints the holidays. This year, Christmas is a bit wonky and homemade, but like my children’s primary school decorations, all the more precious for it.