When life is crazy busy, it is easy to fail to make time for our most precious resource: friends. They lift us up when we’re feeling down; provide an anchor when we’re feeling lost and well, just make life much more enjoyable. This post is a little celebration of all my friends and how they have brought me joy.
Faraway friends
As someone who has traversed continents and moved rather more than advisable, I have always had friends who live far away. Some have themselves moved to more exciting places abroad, or other parts of the country, but they are all too valuable to give up.
It would be easy to say, ‘Oh well, they live in America or Australia and there’s no point in keeping in touch.’ But from my experience, that would be folly. My slightly erratic calls to a dear friend in Australia, are always a delight, and I hope she will make it back to England before too long.
My closest friend from graduate school may live four thousand miles away, but we email daily (short silly things) and this spring we finally managed a week’s reunion filled with outings and laughter. She’s already saving up to come again and we’ll meet up at my son’s wedding in the States in September.
Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat
My best friend from school lives in Germany, but weekly, letter-like emails keep us up to date with each other’s lives and her regular trips back to Eastbourne are always something to look forward to.
Closer to home
Luckily, most of my friends live within a mile or two. For me, friendships flourish when you meet often, do things together and commit to regular contact.
This certainly applies to my craft club (below left with Elizabeth visiting) and my book group, below right (with birthday visitors).
I am fairly shameless in trying to make the tript worth their while and invest in good coffee and where possible delicious cakes. Bribery? Well, perhaps, but we all need a little encouragement.
School friends
Moving to Eastbourne was the best thing that happened to me. (I used to live in Swindon: enough said.) Here, I found life-long friends who all make the effort to keep in touch as much as possible. Though only two of us remain in the town, a visit from one or both of the others is a great excuse for a lunch out.
Friends that you have known since childhood are a little different from those you made last week. They know you deeply; have presumably forgiven or overlooked all your annoying habits and foibles and are rather more in the manner of siblings than acquaintances. There is no need for pretence or preening. Old friends ground us as no others can. Their company is as cosy and comforting as a favourite woolly jumper.
UKC Friends
I was equally blessed at university to make some very good friends. Liz has named us the UKC Chickadees. I have no idea why. So, I’ve looked it up and think I might have discovered the answer: they are described as smart, tough and friendly (sounds like my pals) but perhaps more likely, it is because these birds are found in the Carolinas where we all spent our third year. My friends were at the very prestigious Duke University, whilst I, who may have been slightly distracted by the opposite sex during my first two years at Kent, was at the University of South Carolina.
Also, being the song birds that we are, we like to chatter a lot. Though this is mainly via WhatsApp, we have committed to an annual reunion. Our most recent was last weekend, when we enjoyed perfect weather for a perfect visit.
Coffee dates
Since not all my friends fall into any particular group, I meet them for coffee. There are always birthdays to celebrate and other excuses, though I seldom need much of one to see them.
New friends
And, no matter how many friends you have, there is always room for more. Our Ukrainian adventure has led us to meeting and enjoying the companionship of many wonderful people we would never otherwise have met. And our best new friend is, of course, our guest Mariia, who has taught us so much about the Ukrainian way of life and shown such fortitude in the most impossible of circumstances. She is the lemonade maker extraordinaire.
Correspondence friends
Which brings me to my final group of friends – the ones I am seldom able to visit due to time and distance, but who keep in touch though social media or letter. My very oldest friend, from primary school, still writes long and detailed missives filled with beautiful nature observations and family news. When we do meet up, the time apart falls away in an instant and we blether just as we did when we were ten.
Others keep in touch via my blog or email. Their messages always make me smile.
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat
As someone whose life has hardly gone to plan over the last decade, what has kept me sane and on the path to health has been my friends. They were with me when I was diagnosed with MS and again when I had cancer.
I have no doubt that my recovery in both is very much down to their love, care and attention. Chronic illness so often leads to the vicious cycle of depression, deteriorating health, more depression and so on. Though I have undoubtedly had to confront my demons, I did not have to do it alone.
It takes time and effort to keep close relationships, because friendship is like an exquisite flower: it needs nurturing or it will wither and die.
We may be tired or feel we don’t have time to write, but perhaps we can manage a post card for Pen Pal Day on June 1. Or a quick message on social media can be enough to let someone know we are thinking of them.
Whatever you do, make time for friends. I, for one, couldn’t manage without them.