Kind Words
With so many people abusing language, it sometimes makes us feel rather hopeless. How can we combat all those stirring up hatred or misinforming us for their own ends?
We can, as many do, shake our heads and ask what the world is coming to, or we can retaliate with truth and kindness. If anything, truth is a far more powerful than lies and kindness can overcome even the most deep-seated hatred. Perhaps you think me naive, but history tells us otherwise. Dictators fall and the dishonest are exposed. Perhaps this doesn’t happen as quickly as we hope, but it does happen.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
Burke was right. Evil only flourishes when it is left unattended, just like the weeds in the garden. Inaction is so appealing. Letting someone else deal with it is so appealing, but such passivity comes at a cost.
And we don’t need to do anything radical or extreme to support those causes we value. We can voice our opinion in a measured way when others say cruel or false things. We can write to the papers or our MP and know that at least someone will note what we have said. So few people actually write letters to their MP that you can be assured of a reply. Don’t expect them to suddenly change their mind, but you may well have sown a seed of doubt or offered a viable solution.
The quiet and peaceful approach takes time and effort (which is why so few embrace it) but it is the one that yields results. It is best to think of it as drip feeding ideas. You plant the seed and water slowly and consistently until suddenly it becomes mainstream. I watched this happen with a brilliant guy who was trying to get us all to use FairTrade products. What was novel then is commonplace now. We tend to forget the labour involved in bringing about change, but without people arguing on our behalf, children would not be educated to 18; women would not have the vote, and homosexuals would still be jailed. Take a moment to think of all the positive changes that have taken place in the last century. It began with a voice.
One of the blessings of living in a democracy is that if all else fails, we can amplify our voices through peaceful protest. When tens of thousands of people join to express their views, politicians take notice.
Softly, softly
No matter how irritating, wrong headed or outrageous the remarks made, we need to control our desire to lash back. Responding to inflammatory language with inflammatory language merely stokes the fire. We need to take a breath, ask questions (why do they have such strange ideas?) and most importantly, treat the speaker with respect no matter how much we may wish to bop them on the nose.
It takes incredible self control to do this (and as a rather passionate creature, it nearly kills me to do it) but I know that it is the only way forward. And if we can, an argument becomes a debate in which we can both learn.
On the personal level
Of course, kind language should always be used on the personal level. We all crave recognition and love and I cannot say how often a few kind words have lifted me from sadness or despair. Language can be a super power to transform lives.
Perhaps our words may be made in a phone call or text or even better a letter. When we write, we have the luxury of time to think through what we want to say. And who doesn’t love to receive a letter?
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat
Our words may be a frivolous exchange of news – always a joy – or may be something more serious. Sadly, a number of people I know are going through real difficulties of illness and bereavement. Though such situations are hard to negotiate, our words can be a balm where little else can help.
Nourishing relationships
The language we exchange between friends is what nourishes our relationships. We may send a silly meme or write a long missive, but at heart we are saying we care. I love receiving cards and keep them on the mantle piece for far longer than I probably should. But they are something that always makes me smile.
I received beautiful thank you cards from my university friends who came to visit recently. They make me want them to come and see us all over again.
Word shy
I appreciate that not everyone is comfortable writing or even expressing themselves, but if this is the case, there is no reason to remain silent, we can all upon the professionals!
Poets are the ultimate wordsmiths and are quite happy to be quoted, so if you cannot think how to express something difficult, google will provide plenty poets who can.
Or perhaps you just want to share something wonderful you have read. One of my Flow activities is to leave a message on a public bench. I am shy of doing it and unsure what to write. But I think I have found my answer in Mary Oliver’s poetry book. Here is the section 4 of the poem ‘Sometimes’ that I’d like to use:
4.
Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.
Mary Oliver
For ultimately, language should be the vehicle of thoughtfulness and kindness. Express it!