During my Quaker Meeting on Sunday, we had a reading from Advices and Queries – a sort of handbook for living. It read:
Live adventurously. When choices arise, do you take the way that offers the fullest opportunity for the use of your gifts in the service of God and the community? Let your life speak. When decisions have to be made, are you ready to join with others in seeking clearness, asking for God’s guidance and offering counsel to one another? (Advices and Queries 1.02 27)
I love the expression ‘Live adventurously’, but it was the next part that I have pondered over the last few days. One member’s comments made me re-evaluate the line, ‘When choices arise, do you take the way that offers the fullest opportunity for the use of your gifts in the service of God and the community?’
Good question.
What do we mean by gifts?
When we speak of gifts, most of us immediately think of the material. The stack of presents under the Christmas tree; the pile on birthdays.
And these gifts, thoughtfully chosen, carefully wrapped, have a great deal to offer in terms of making the recipient feel loved and valued.
Equally, financial donations to charities and good causes are essential to the running of the same. The material is not always lesser to the spiritual. We certainly need both.
The gift of time
I confess that I have always read this Advice as meaning to use our time wisely and when and where possible in the service of the community. Determined to use the skills (gifts) that I possess most effectively, I took a while to research where they could be best employed and ended up with a highly satisfactory match in Citizens Advice. I wrote about volunteering in a previous post ‘Every Little Helps’ https://whenlifegivesyoulemons.blog/wp-admin/post.php?post=3714&action=edit , so I won’t bore you with repeating myself here.
However, it was the member’s musings that prompted me to see that perhaps the greatest gifts we bring require neither money nor talents. They require only ourselves.
The member recounted the story of a psychologist talking to some elderly residents in a care home. He asked them to think of their memories, not in terms of what happened, but how they behaved and felt. And equally importantly, how others behaved towards them. The member didn’t elaborate further, but it got my mind whirring. What are our memories but an impression of events and feelings. What is it that makes one memory special and another depressing? The answer is how we and others behave. Our greatest memories might be of an unexpected kindness; our worst, inflicting cruelty (or having it inflicted upon us).
On our best behaviour
Though it is clearly impossible to behave impeccably at all times, it is worth considering how we might conduct ourselves so that each interaction is one that brings joy rather than its opposite. I thought about what my ideal person would bring (aside from cake, obviously) and came up with the following: love, friendship, listening skills, compassion, non-judgment, good will, generosity, openness, truth, positive energy and encouragement. Any one of the above would make the encounter something to be remembered and cherished; each one would make us feel a little more whole.
One could easily spend an entire post looking at each of these and they are worth pondering for a moment. Perhaps you have different criteria. Take a moment to think of what you value in good relationships. Then comes the hard part – how we express them ourselves.
The greatest obstacle for me is invariably my ego – as easily bruised as a ripe fruit. They are not listening to me/appreciating me/paying attention to me so why should I do that for them? Why indeed? The answer I keep having to remind myself is that even if they are unable to treat me as I would wish, there is nothing stopping me for doing it for them. Rest assured that I do not always succeed (and certainly not nearly as often as I would like). I am a work in progress.
Spiritual fruits
This weekend is Whitsun or Pentecost and clearly my thinking is in synch with the season, since it is celebrated as the time when the fruits of the spirit descended on the follower’s of Jesus. Clearly my list is not so far off the rather more ancient one of: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.
Free gifts
These are, of course, the greatest gifts that we can bring. We don’t need to be talented or rich or special in any way. We have all been bestowed with these. There is a lovely expression in Swedish that says, ‘My hands are empty, but my heart is full’ and there is little a heart full of love cannot achieve.
We need no religious beliefs nor affiliation to see that these gifts exemplify the best in what it is to be human. In these restive and uncertain times, I feel that they are needed more than ever.
So shower the world with your gifts and watch it bloom.