Word Power – Part 3

Kind Words

With so many people abusing language, it sometimes makes us feel rather hopeless. How can we combat all those stirring up hatred or misinforming us for their own ends?

We can, as many do, shake our heads and ask what the world is coming to, or we can retaliate with truth and kindness. If anything, truth is a far more powerful than lies and kindness can overcome even the most deep-seated hatred. Perhaps you think me naive, but history tells us otherwise. Dictators fall and the dishonest are exposed. Perhaps this doesn’t happen as quickly as we hope, but it does happen.

 “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” 

Burke was right. Evil only flourishes when it is left unattended, just like the weeds in the garden. Inaction is so appealing. Letting someone else deal with it is so appealing, but such passivity comes at a cost.

And we don’t need to do anything radical or extreme to support those causes we value. We can voice our opinion in a measured way when others say cruel or false things. We can write to the papers or our MP and know that at least someone will note what we have said. So few people actually write letters to their MP that you can be assured of a reply. Don’t expect them to suddenly change their mind, but you may well have sown a seed of doubt or offered a viable solution.

One drop at a time Image: Herbert Goetsch on Unsplash

The quiet and peaceful approach takes time and effort (which is why so few embrace it) but it is the one that yields results. It is best to think of it as drip feeding ideas. You plant the seed and water slowly and consistently until suddenly it becomes mainstream. I watched this happen with a brilliant guy who was trying to get us all to use FairTrade products. What was novel then is commonplace now. We tend to forget the labour involved in bringing about change, but without people arguing on our behalf, children would not be educated to 18; women would not have the vote, and homosexuals would still be jailed. Take a moment to think of all the positive changes that have taken place in the last century. It began with a voice.

One of the blessings of living in a democracy is that if all else fails, we can amplify our voices through peaceful protest. When tens of thousands of people join to express their views, politicians take notice.

Softly, softly

No matter how irritating, wrong headed or outrageous the remarks made, we need to control our desire to lash back. Responding to inflammatory language with inflammatory language merely stokes the fire. We need to take a breath, ask questions (why do they have such strange ideas?) and most importantly, treat the speaker with respect no matter how much we may wish to bop them on the nose.

Good advice Image: Brett Jordan on Unsplash

It takes incredible self control to do this (and as a rather passionate creature, it nearly kills me to do it) but I know that it is the only way forward. And if we can, an argument becomes a debate in which we can both learn.

On the personal level

Of course, kind language should always be used on the personal level. We all crave recognition and love and I cannot say how often a few kind words have lifted me from sadness or despair. Language can be a super power to transform lives.

Perhaps our words may be made in a phone call or text or even better a letter. When we write, we have the luxury of time to think through what we want to say. And who doesn’t love to receive a letter?

Who said stationery should be dull?
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Our words may be a frivolous exchange of news – always a joy – or may be something more serious. Sadly, a number of people I know are going through real difficulties of illness and bereavement. Though such situations are hard to negotiate, our words can be a balm where little else can help.

Nourishing relationships

The language we exchange between friends is what nourishes our relationships. We may send a silly meme or write a long missive, but at heart we are saying we care. I love receiving cards and keep them on the mantle piece for far longer than I probably should. But they are something that always makes me smile.

Cheerful cards Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

I received beautiful thank you cards from my university friends who came to visit recently. They make me want them to come and see us all over again.

Word shy

I appreciate that not everyone is comfortable writing or even expressing themselves, but if this is the case, there is no reason to remain silent, we can all upon the professionals!

Poets are the ultimate wordsmiths and are quite happy to be quoted, so if you cannot think how to express something difficult, google will provide plenty poets who can.

Or perhaps you just want to share something wonderful you have read. One of my Flow activities is to leave a message on a public bench. I am shy of doing it and unsure what to write. But I think I have found my answer in Mary Oliver’s poetry book. Here is the section 4 of the poem ‘Sometimes’ that I’d like to use:

4.

Instructions for living a life:

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.

Mary Oliver

For ultimately, language should be the vehicle of thoughtfulness and kindness. Express it!

Live Beautifully

In these crazy days, as the Corona virus locks us indoors, I thought it might be timely to do a post on something positive: living beautifully. When our lives are filled with activities and deadlines, it is sometimes difficult to make space for the finer things. Yet, these are what make life worth while. They do not require an immense amount of time, money or effort, but if we try to incorporate living beautifully into all that we do, I believe our lives can be transformed.

I have been inspired by friends who always made an extra effort to make a simple coffee date into an afternoon retreat. By taking time to lay a tea tray with pretty cups and linens, they immediately graced the moment with care and friendship. They may have added homemade goodies, flowers or prettily arranged food. Nothing was showy or intimidating (this is not the objective), but they were clearly acts of love.

We do not have to spend a fortune on a gift to show we care. Whatever we can afford, it can be made more precious by a piece of ribbon or pretty paper. So what of life? This is surely the best gift and deserves the prettiest bows, the most gorgeous paper!

My daily reminder on my black board. Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Time is on my side

For once, time is definitely on my side. As I fall into the ‘at risk’ group, I now have twelve weeks (or 84 days!) of zero social commitments! On the one hand, this is a pretty horrible prospect – I’m already missing my friends – but on the other, I have the good fortune of my husband sharing it with me and a number of ideas of what I can do in this huge expanse of time.

Having time to think is always a luxury and one we do not afford ourselves often enough. Now is a perfect opportunity to reevaluate our lives and perhaps consider ways that we could make our lives a little better. I’m going to start with all the things that make me smile and bring joy (Marie Kondo’s decluttering advice is more than just about tidying the house).

You might like to do a mind map too of what brings you joy and make this an interactive experience!

Here’s my list in no particular order: friends and family, flowers, food, books, music, writing, letters, art, exercise and work. So how can they make life beautiful?

Friends and family

Since I am currently isolated, this is definitely the hardest one! However, a judicious use of social media means that we can keep in touch via any number of platforms. Regular video contact with the kids keeps me sane and talking on the phone is always a pleasure. Seeing and hearing others allows us to avoid the many pitfalls that can arise from the misreading of a text.

Another way we can write thoughtfully is through letters. It may be a lost art and postal rates increases do not help, but there are few activities more enjoyable than penning and receiving letters.

To make it ‘beautiful’ I invest in gorgeous stationery. I usually use a fountain pen so that my writing is as attractive as possible and also as meaningful. If you slow the rate at which you write, you are more likely to express your thoughts as you intended.

Modern life means that we often live at a distance from friends and relations, but letters and cards, more than anything else bridge that void. I have a wonderful friend in Yorkshire who is a keen letter writer and despite being separated from the age of ten, we still keep in touch regularly. On the rare occasions when we are able to meet up, we start our conversations as if they had only broken off a day or so ago. The same applies to distant friends who email with the same care as a letter. And some of them have discovered beautiful email stationary, thus merging the beauty of letters with the convenience of modern communication.

Receiving and writing letters is always a joy Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Words

While we are on the topic of words; books are a ‘go to’ for making life beautiful for me! They have the power to thrill, uplift, entertain and inform us. If we make time to read, we are making time for ourselves to tune out of the everyday world and tune in to our imaginations. I believe we are both refreshed and healed by the experience.

Enjoy the sunshine

This has been in rather short supply this year and its rarity makes it all the more precious. In the narrow window of sun we had today, I determined to head outside and do a little gardening. Though I only managed about half an hour, the smell of the earth and the sun warming my bones made me feel wonderful. Excavating the lilac trees from a carpet of ivy was also very satisfying and and my garden is a little more beautiful as a result.

While there, I also took my secateurs to cut some spring flowers for the house. I didn’t take too many, but they made a sweet little bouquet, which will certainly cheer my kitchen.

Even the smallest bouquet, inexpertly arranged, will raise a smile. Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Food art

Despite the fashion in very expensive restaurants to make their minute portions of food look like a modernist painting, flourishes don’t have to be grand to make food appetising. Here are some of my very simple ideas to make food a visual as well as a gastronomic joy!

  • Add seed sprinkles and herbs to dishes like soup for extra pazzaz.
  • Invest in nice china – charity and second hand shops have an abundance at very low cost.
  • If having a modest sandwich, add pickles and fresh veg sticks for colour and texture.
  • Eat at the table and if you are feeling fancy – add napkins and flowers. For a special occasion, hunt out the table cloths.
  • Add sliced lemon (and possibly ice) to drinks. It always makes it feel more of a treat.
  • The list is really endless, but making mealtimes a ritual that has meaning will make it so much more than a refuelling stop.

Be beautiful!

I’m going to finish with one that seems a little obvious but is often over-shadowed by unrealistic expectations. If we hope to feel good about ourselves, it is important to invest in ourselves. Appearance matters -as much to us as those that see us.

When we are home with no visitors, the temptation is to lounge about in our pyjamas and slippers, but I think this would soon eat away at our self-esteem. Even when working from home, most experts advise dressing for the office in order to get your head in the right mindset. I would not suggest you do that, but why not take care to select a nice outfit, do your hair and make-up and (this took me a while to get right) add some matching jewellery?

Shallow though it sounds, when you look good, you feel good. Self-care is not selfish, nor is living beautifully (when done with the right intention) showing off. When we live beautifully, we are expressing that we value all of life’s gifts and appreciation and gratitude, as we know, are always good for the soul.