Tag: living in the moment

Embracing the season

For a very long time, I seriously disliked winter. I saw it as a boring interlude between fiery autumn and delicate spring. January especially seemed to drag for an eternity. But now, I adore winter, as I love all the seasons, for the very special gifts that it brings. Join me and let me show you why.

The weather outside is frightful

We Brits enjoy nothing more than discussing the weather, and the winter months certainly give us plenty to talk about. These last few weeks, we’ve seen strong winds, days of fog, rain, sunshine and hereabouts, snow.

With an energetic cocker spaniel to exercise, not going out is hardly an option (though Hermione draws the line at heavy rain). So away we go, regardless of the conditions. Even if the weather is not ‘nice’ it is has its music too (to misquote Keats).

For days, we had such heavy fog that it was as if the clouds had dropped from the sky to earth. Sound was muffled and visibility poor (see above left). It was a little eerie, but also magical – this still, soft world that looked as if it were covered with tracing paper. Today (above right) the sky was rinsed blue and the light piercingly bright. Each branch and twig was gilded with sunlight and the air icy fresh.

‘There is no such thing as bad weather…

only unsuitable clothing ,’ (Alfred Wainwright, Coast to Coast ) is as true now as when it was written fifty+ years ago. Only now, we have the advantage of high-tech fabrics to protect us from the most severe weather.

Investing in a proper rain jacket (or even better a Dryrobe) means that no weather will defeat your plans. And I love nothing better than being snuggled up in a warm coat with gloves and a scarf and feeling the cold on my face. Few things will wake you up more effectively than a blast of freezing air: it is completely invigorating.

Keeping toasty Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

On our recent trip to the Highlands, the thermometer rarely rose above five degrees centigrade and the weather was, quite frankly, awful, but it barely dented our spirits, as we were kitted out to cope. Even the stinging rain and strong winds that assaulted us as we walked along Nairn beach was stimulating rather than miserable. Our faces were scrubbed clean and rosy by the time we got back into the dry of the cafe. And a hot chocolate never tasted so good or felt so welcome.

Contrast is what makes life interesting

Winter is a time of deep contrast. We leave our centrally heated homes into the chilly air outside; we combat the short dark days by filling our rooms with fairy lights and candles; we take a rest from the hectic pace of spring and summer. As with light and dark, we cannot appreciate one without the other. Artists love winter, because deep structures are exposed and the light (when we are graced with it) is especially sharp.

With the sun low, and setting so early, we are also able to witness the most glorious sunsets.

That which does not kill us

Facing adversity – even in as basic a way as facing the elements when they are not favourable – is an important way to build resilience. Wim Hof has made millions (deservedly) through showing people how to learn mental strength through physical challenge – including the cold.

Taking the time to take a walk outside (appropriately dressed) is the easiest and most enjoyable way of boosting one’s mood. Add a friend and a coffee date afterwards and it is positively perfect. With the January blues affecting so many of us this month, it is a prescription I would recommend.

Acceptance

The most radical change that has occurred in me is the simple acceptance of the weather – whatever form it takes. If you are struggling with the idea of living in the moment, perhaps start here. We cannot do a single thing to change or improve it. If it is miserable, it will pass. If it is fine, that will pass also.

We can complain or be grumpy or we can embrace it. Through searching for the beauty (and you may have to work hard at that in the beginning) it helps us see beauty in other things too.

Winter is an essential phase in the cycle of the year and we may find that winter, in the metaphorical sense, is an essential part of our lives too. But to avoid stretching your patience too much, I shall consider that next week.

Tree tops in winter Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Be more dog!

Living with a little furry friend has been an enlightening experience and the more I ponder on what a dog brings to my life, the more I realise that they are the ultimate teachers. Forget all the self-help manuals, the life-style magazines and podcasts. All that is necessary for a successful and contented life is to found in the behaviours of our canine friends. For the world to be a kinder and happier place, we should do one thing: be more dog.

Hermione in the garden Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Keeping your needs small

So much of our lives are spent in acquiring things that we don’t really require and exhausting ourselves in the process. Of course, everyone enjoys a little luxury now and then, but if we take a cue from our four legged friends, we will see that what we actually need is very little indeed : a secure home, regular, healthy meals, exercise, lots of affection and a nap when we’re worn out. I appreciate that even the above is not available to everyone, but if we have the benefit of the above, perhaps we can spare a little time and money to ensure that it is there for others too.

Dogs do not require designer gear or cupboards full of toys. They take what they find and make them into forms of entertainment. Hermione has had more fun with a flower pot (which she rather annoyingly obtains by removing the plant within) than any number of high tech gizmos. And of course, a ball. Every dog needs a ball.

An old cup, a ball and a hole. Doggy heaven.
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

A healthy routine

Dogs and humans need plenty of exercise. Hermione has about two hours a day of walk and garden play plus anything else she can wangle. (I tried to wear her out once, but after four and a half hours outside, gave up!) Since I am unable to take her on long rambles on the Downs, I take her to the puppy park, where she can run and I can sit if needed. This time of year, the weather is seldom kind, yet we both benefit from the rush of fresh air and being immersed in natural surroundings. For Hermione, that means endless opportunities to sniff and explore the tree-lined perimeter; for me, it means time to watch the play of light across the sky and observe the ever-changing configurations of the clouds.

More often than not, friends arrive to share news. The dogs run around, or get fussing from other humans or snuggle on laps. Their owners reconnect with the world – for some this may be their first or only social interaction – but for everyone it is a period without phones, or tasks or diaries. We are there with our dogs and that is all we have to concentrate on for that hour.

A greater luxury still is the walks I can take on holiday, deep in woodland and ‘far from the madding crowd’. The level, even walks mean that I can walk further. With no traffic nearby, Hermione can range freely.

Taking a brief rest after trying to walk a little too far. Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

A controlled diet

Hermione, like most active spaniels, has a good appetite, so we have to be careful to feed her just what she needs and no more. We have a local butcher who provides her with the best dog food (at a very reasonable price) and with her dry food at night, all her nutritional needs are met. She eats her vegetables and drinks water.

Sadly, I have not yet managed to control my diet quite as well. Life without caffeine seems too hard and life without the odd sweet treat unbearable. However, I know that my body would thank me for such discipline.

Love and loyalty

There is a reason for the phrase, ‘A man’s best friend is his dog,’ because no human being could display the level of love and loyalty that a dog does. But perhaps we could try.

Hermione expresses nothing but joy every time that you return to her life (even is it is just after going to the bathroom). And who doesn’t like feeling loved? Though she makes no complaint when you leave her for a while, she waits patiently for your return and holds no grudge for you ‘abandoning’ her for an hour or two.

Whether you have just gone up the stairs to fetch something, or needed to go out to a place where dogs are not allowed, she waits eagerly for your return.

A dog’s capacity for forgiveness is also exceptional. Being a small dog, who routinely gets tangled in my legs and who, I’m sorry to say, I sometimes tread on, she is endlessly forgiving. She may give a look that says, ‘Why did you do that?’ but a pat or a belly rub soon reassures her that it was an accident and you meant no harm. If we could show such a level of forgiveness for other’s mistakes and foibles, the world would surely be a better place.

Sometimes you just need a nap

Unlike many dogs, Hermione is not especially good at sleeping through the day. There are far too many adventures to be had. However, when she is tired, she takes a nap. We can learn much from a dog’s sense of work/life balance. When we are working, we should approach it will vigour and enthusiasm; when we need to rest and recover, we should. I know that our world frowns on such indulgences, but we are only kidding ourselves that we are productive when we are exhausted. With fatigue being such a large element of my life, I am all too aware of how just plain badly I function when I should be resting. If I listen to my body, however, take a short spell to fully relax and start again, everything gets done efficiently and well.

Snoozing on her cushion Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Of course, there are some doggy behaviours that are perhaps best avoided and I’m sure you know the ones I mean. Sexually active dogs make teenagers look restrained and aggressive dogs can be scary (though more often than not, their aggression stems from mistreatment rather than an innate tendency to violence).

Those aside, the dogs I know are friendly and welcoming, eager for attention, curious and energetic. They live in the moment without effort – a feat that Zen masters take years to attain. Perhaps of all their traits, this is the most wonderful. Dogs find joy in every aspect of their world – living with neither worry for the future nor regret for the past. If nothing else, surely this is worth emulating.

What a Difference a Day Makes

For the past several years, I have been endeavouring to live in the moment. With the exception of prudent provision, I try to live without plans. I say try, because I am naturally a control freak – always second guessing and attempting to avoid difficulties; trying to bend the chaos into order. I have been attempting a Herculean task – but without the benefits of his muscles and a demi-god status.

Coupled with this intention was that of saying ‘Yes!’ to life. For a long time now, I have felt that life was always saying ‘No!’ to me. No you cannot be well; no you cannot visit your children; no you cannot pursue a career of your dreams. Perhaps it is cussedness, or delusion, but I have determined to say ‘Yes!’ all the same. Like a petulant toddler, I was not taking ‘No!’ for an answer.

This last weekend, these twin intentions collided. I indulged in spontaneity and I said yes. And I’m so glad I did.

A shaky start

Friday promised the discomfort of my Zumeta infusion. (A preventative one to help reduce the likelihood of bone cancer.) Let’s just say that cannulas and I are not very compatible, and this held true that afternoon.

Not the best way to spend a sunny afternoon Image: Dimitri Karastelev on Unsplash

Sweet and kind though the staff always are, it was Friday afternoon and everyone was hot and tired. The actual infusion only took fifteen minutes, but I was trapped in the chemo ward for an hour and a half. And when I was done, I wanted to weep with relief.

Discovering that my infusion was the final one was a joy. Discovering that my white blood cell count had barely recovered in two years was more than a little demoralising. I would have to continue to self isolate for the foreseeable future. I have been isolating quite happily through spring and summer, but autumn and winter are waiting like a pantomime villain in the wings.

Making the best of things

Regardless of that, a celebration was in order. We ordered a delicious take-away from our favourite Japanese restaurant, and put any fears for the future on hold.

My husband’s sushi – not quite as perfect, but just as delicious! Image: Karen Costello McFeat

Life is what happens…

I was exhausted and the next day, all I had scheduled was a sea swim in the morning; a very socially distanced hello with my niece who was celebrating her birthday and then the rest of the day swinging in the hammock.

At least, this is what I was anticipating. Unbeknownst to me, my husband had other plans.

On the Friday morning, I had mentioned rather casually, that we should perhaps consider having a dog again. We had gone back and forth on the issue for months, but for once we seemed to be in alignment. And my husband, who had secretly been looking for a dog, was ready to go.

So late on Saturday morning while I swung in the hammock, oblivious, he had been negotiating with a family for a new puppy. We had had so many disappointments in the process to date that I had asked him not to show or mention a dog until it was a done deal.

A pleasant surprise

Around noon, the phone rang and my husband turned to me and asked, ‘Would you like this puppy?’ Staring from the screen was the most adorable black Cocker Spaniel. My heart lurched. I love spaniels, though I would have been happy with any medium to small dog with four legs and a regular heart beat. With dogs at such a premium, I doubted we would be getting the pick of the litter, but she ticked every box.

My face showed my assent far before my words. ‘Of course! Of Course! When can we meet her?’

‘She’s ready to collect this afternoon,’ my husband told me. And by three o’clock we were off to Kent to fetch her.

We met in the garden with her mum and she confidently came up to us and gave us a doggy kiss. The deal was sealed.

Introducing Hermione Rose Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Puppy struck

Puppies are clearly designed to have ridiculous heart-tug appeal – and Hermione is no exception. Why else would a sane human being accept broken nights, cleaning up little ‘accidents’ and having to completely rearrange their house to make it puppy safe?

Choosing to get a puppy was hardly a rational act. Yet, I am glad I ignored the nagging voice that kept saying: ‘What about when you are unwell? What about all those expenses? What about, what about??’

Life is risk. We can learn to minimise it; we can learn to put contingency plans in place, but ultimately we need to have faith in ourselves and our futures. The worst may well happen sooner than I’d like, but for now, I have a superb wee companion who will be loved and cherished. And love and friendship are really what life is all about. The rest is just housekeeping.