Life is What Happens: Part 1

There is no better way to sum up last year than with the adage, ‘Life is what happens when you are making other plans.’ In January, while news reports of a strange ‘flu in China filtered through to the West, we were eagerly awaiting a year filled with adventure. My diary was crammed with activities up until June: visits from distant family and friends; the Oxford literary festival; a long-awaited trip to Long Island and the chance to hug my granddaughter.

Though I can’t hug her, through photos and video calls, I can see her grow. Sofia on the beach. Image: Scott Costello-McFeat

On the morning of the 21 March, I was at the hairdresser, joking about folks taking the ‘flu far too seriously. Later that day, I read in the news that I should self-isolate. This was no ordinary virus; this was something else. And so began what I can only describe as nine months of house arrest. I have occasionally ventured further afield – to collect our puppy; to visit the countryside nearby and Alfriston, but effectively, I have been contained within a 1/4 mile radius.

Be careful what you wish for

On the surface, this appeared like a nightmare. And for many, I’m sure it has been. But for me, despite my love of ordinary life, it has been a wish granted. For years, I have dreamt of being on a retreat and of living a life of pared-down simplicity. I love quiet and contemplation and the rush and bustle of the everyday works against that. With no-where to go and no-one to see, here was my chance. So I took it, and in doing so have found innumerable blessings in this strange, contained life.

Peace

I live on a busy road, so the hush of lock-down has been a boon indeed. Sitting in the garden, every bird call, every rustle of leaves is audible, since it is no longer muffled by the incessant undertow of rumbling traffic. My meditation practice has become routine and unlaboured. No longer do I need to squeeze it into the cracks of the day, but I can indulge whenever I want. I’ve found a system that works for me: 15 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night while doing my breathing exercises. This morning, there was a beautiful dawn, so before doing anything else, I did my meditation and watched as the clouds gradually lost their rosy underbellies. Observing beauty and experiencing deep peace is a wonderful way to begin the day.

Enjoying the tranquillity of Nature Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Reconnecting with the land

Perhaps the most important element to my good health during lock-down has been my garden (and I have no idea how someone stuck in a flat could manage). It has brought me endless delight in the ever shifting seasons. It has brought me food from the vegetable patch and spurred me to improve my cooking skills – especially in regard to preserving and utilising the harvest.

The garden as metaphor has worked its magic too. Half my plants were eaten by wildlife, blown over by fierce winds or stolen by the birds. Some plants thrived, whilst others, mysteriously died. The garden was an illustration in miniature of life itself: we may put in any amount of effort, but chance always plays its part. If we delude ourselves that we are in control, we shall only suffer stress and misery. If we accept these casualties of fate, we will survive in relative equilibrium. As someone whose tendency is to want to order and control everything, this has been an invaluable lesson for me. Whilst Nature firmly puts us in our place (a fairly insignificant speck in the universe), she also gives us hope. There are always new crops, new flowers, new skies. Winter, with its honeyed light, silver frosted lawns, and silhouette trees will be replaced by the exuberant greens of spring and the scent and colours of endless flowers. Life, always, goes on.

Company

The most precious thing that this strange year has brought me is my husband’s company. From being someone who toiled for ridiculously long hours, slipping away before I was awake and returning as evening fell, now he was someone who was home all the time. At first, he replaced work with frantic DIY projects, but slowly, he too began to relax and just enjoy being. For once, we worked together: on the garden and the home, cooking and learning new skills. As a prelude to retirement, it has been a very positive one.

Life is better with a dog! Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

And, of course, working from home, made getting a puppy possible. Hermione has brought us infinite amounts of joy that well outweigh the (not inconsiderable) amount of effort and time required to raise her. She is a little bundle of cheerful mischief who always wants to be as close to you as possible – and who doesn’t enjoy that level of adoration? She has also meant we spend vast amounts of time outside and even with the foul winter weather, that too has played a very large part in keeping us mentally and physically well.

And last, but by no means least, this period has forged friendships rather than breaking them. My weekly chats on the phone or video calls has meant that we are all completely up to date with each others’ lives. And a huge thank you to all of you who have indulged me in this – I know I would not have made it this serenely without you!

There are even a few people who I am in contact with more than before, because changes in their working lives have given them more time. Others have just made the effort to make friendships more solid. My lovely friend from university, for example, set up a wee WattsApp group, so my old housemates and I can share jokes and stories. Though this year’s reunion has been postponed, we are all up-to-date with each other’s news and will have plenty to blab about when we finally get together next year.

As I write, it is New Year’s Eve and like the rest of us, I am looking forward to the New Year and what it may bring. Unlike last year, I don’t have any plans, though. I will take things as they come and try to remain flexible.

And in part 2 of this post, I’d like to look at all the ways we can take the blessings of this strange year to improve our lives in 2021. See you next year!

Happy New Year Everyone!

What I Did Last Summer

This post was recommended by a friend who thought a retrospective was in order. It also seemed a good twist on the ‘What I did on my summer holidays’ theme that children up and down the land are asked to write in the first week of school.

Summer 2020 has proven to be a strange one for all of us. For me, it has been especially bizarre – living simultaneously in isolation from society and yet with more of my husband’s company than I have enjoyed in thirty odd years of marriage. Before you ask, the latter helped make up for the former and we both agree that these have been surprisingly happy times.

What to do?

Connection Image: Quino Al on Unsplash

With all normal activities barred to us, we were left with the conundrum of what to do with the vast expanse of time now available. My niece wrote the first draft of a novel; my husband started a YouTube business lecture series and the rest of us discovered or rediscovered slow pleasures: making bread, reading novels, enjoying a leisurely telephone conversation. (When we received a £350 phone bill, we realised that I’d been indulging in that luxury a little too much! We now have a much better BT plan.)

A Good Book

In the days BH (Before Hermione), I devoured books. I have no idea how many I read, but here are the five that stood out: The Well-Gardened Mind by Sue Stuart-Smith, Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult, The Mobster’s Lament by Ray Celestin, Weather by Jenny Offill and Black Swan Green by David Mitchell. I like an eclectic mix! And, of course, I am always looking for more. Suggestions in the comments section please!

This summer, I also completed a life-long desire to read the complete works of Shakespeare. I started some time ago, stopped, started again and this time made it to the end. Aspiring authors take heart! Even Shakespeare had to learn his craft; even Shakespeare had off days.

The history plays, when read in order, were a joy and intelligible. At last, all those knotty family trees made sense. There were some duds: ‘Titus Andronicus’,’Timon of Athens’ (zzzz) but some gems too. I’ve read, often several times, all the greats, but it was wonderful to discover some that are seldom taught like ‘Pericles’ and the lesser known sonnets. Perhaps one day, I shall read them again – but selectively!

Another thing ticked off the bucket list! Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Swedish lessons

Another challenge I have set myself is to read Pippy Longstocking in the original. Like my reading of Shakespeare, learning Swedish has been a stop/ start affair – but now I had no excuse. I increased the time I was spending on my Swedish lessons and committed to a daily session of twenty to thirty minutes. This more committed approach is starting to show real progress. I am delighted to inform you that I can now say: The bear sleeps from November to April (Bjornen sover fran november till april); I only buy yellow cars (Jag koper bara gula bilar) and my favourite: There is a princess in a long, green dress behind the door (Det finns en prinsessa med en lang, gron klanning bakom dorren.) I’m not quite sure when I will be able to show off these skills, but then, I’m not sure when I will ever get to Sweden.

Virtual outings

This summer has had a serious impact on the arts, so many wonderful theatres and opera houses have offered up their productions for free on YouTube.

One thing that my husband and I have always wished to enjoy was Glyndebourne Opera. Though this is only down the road from us, the tickets are prohibitively expensive and more than a little difficult to procure. So when they offered a season on YouTube, we decided to take advantage.

They were showing a delightful production of The Marriage of Figaro, so we prepared our picnic, put on our best outfits and enjoyed the show.

All dressed up with nowhere to go! Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

Food glorious food!

Rather to the detriment of my waistline, this summer has been all about food : growing it, harvesting it, cooking it and preserving it. At the beginning, when my husband was furloughed with nothing to do, we introduced morning coffee – with cake and afternoon tea – with cake. It certainly cheered us up, but I’m rather relieved that he is at least partially back to work.

Being the competitive types we are, we also thought we’d add a little spice to our culinary adventures and started a competition for the best entree of the day. A dear friend was hauled in to guess who made it, but we didn’t ask her to say who won. My husband, who until recently was adept at making frozen pizza and big breakfast, is now very good at a number of exotic dishes. He is currently making flat bread in the kitchen. Having proven his capabilities, there is no way he will be allowed to slide back once the crisis ends, though I may allow him the weekdays off!

From frozen pizza to chocolate cake – lock-down’s surprising gift. Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

A new challenge

With MS, it is always difficult to find ways to increase fitness and stamina. The disease works against you in the most frustrating ways. So I was delighted to find a fitness/life-style programme that could help me and perhaps even lesson my symptoms. It is called the Wim Hof method and involves cold treatments, breathing exercises and yoga. During the pandemic, they were offering reduced price courses on-line and with any number of weeks stretching ahead of us, we decided to give it a go. For ten weeks, we dutifully followed the programme. I confess that around the six week mark, I felt like giving up. I was hard. I’ll write about it fully next time, but let’s just say it was worth all the effort. The downside is that, course over, we need to carry on with it anyway.

Puppy love

Our leisurely, civilised life came to an abrupt halt with the arrival of Hermione. Picking up the umpteenth poo and waiting in the garden while she has five more minutes play, I sometimes wonder if it was an act of insanity getting a dog. (My husband, no doubt, has these thoughts at 3am when he gets up to let her out.) I’ve been through this all before with my old dog (and I got up that time) but just like childbirth, one forgets! And just like having children, the sea of tiredness, stress and frustration (puppies are like insane toddlers) disappears when they lie down quietly or give an adoring look.

We are gradually regaining a semblance of normal life, creating routines and filling quiet moments with human tasks. We are learning to accommodate each other’s needs and relax a little our desire to be in control of our days (and nights!) She requires immense amounts of time, attention and love, but of all the things we did last summer – this was the best.

Is it nap time yet? Image: Karen Costello-McFeat