Social distancing – When Life Gives You Lemons

This week, almost all legal restrictions for Covid-19 have been lifted in the UK. Unfortunately, this is coinciding with cases rising exponentially across the country. So what do we do? Those of us who were vulnerable are still vulnerable. Many will feel compelled to go back into self-isolation. But together, I think we can all allow each other a little freedom.

To mask or not to mask?

So much has been made of the simple wearing of a mask. I know they are uncomfortable and hot, but it doesn’t seem such a great effort to potentially save another’s well-being.

Nurses and therapists show their love. Image: Rusty Watson on Unsplash

Personally, I don’t wear one when out and about outside or even meeting with friends I know have been vaccinated, but I am more than happy to wear them at the dentist (before treatment!) and the hairdresser’s. By maintaining their safety protocols, I am comfortable getting the services I need.

In removing restrictions, the government is essentially saying that we are adults and capable of making sensible decisions. I think that is a little over optimistic, but the choices we make will either further or curb the virus.

Vaccination concerns

While out at a picnic on Sunday, I was rather shocked to see lots of graffiti urging people not to get vaccinated. Of course, whether you choose to be vaccinated or not is entirely up to you. But for me was an absolute gift – allowing me to escape the confines of my house with a modicum of confidence.

**No, I don’t like needles either. But a little discomfort seemed a small price to pay for freedom**.
Image: Hakan Nural on Unsplash

Vaccines – as with any medical intervention – have a tiny element of risk. When Edward Jenner first immunised a young boy against small pox in the 18th century, his brave subject could not have been certain of the outcome. But, with the hope of avoiding a common and devastating disease, he went ahead anyway. The success of this led to mass immunisations and the eradication of smallpox globally by 1979.

Despite what social media may lead you to believe, vaccination is not new. The Chinese were vaccinating against small pox a century before Jenner and any number of life-threatening conditions have been avoided throughout the last century including: TB, polio, and tetanus. None of these mass immunisation programmes were designed as a tool for governmental control and I’m surprised that anyone (considering all the nations world-wide are doing the same) should think that it is so.

All the other stuff

Perhaps more tricky now, is the decision regarding what constitutes sensible social distancing and how often should we wash our hands etc. I have hugged my mother and a few friends, though I’m not nearly as demonstrably affectionate as I used to be. I have on occasion hesitated to hug my husband!

**A safe hug!** Image: Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash

Again we are left with indecision and uncertainty. Cases where I live are extraordinarily high, but life is much as usual, with the beaches packed and cafes overflowing. Choosing, therefore, to not join in, seems perhaps a little churlish.

As for personal hygiene, my sanitizer is always available and washing one’s hands regularly is always a good thing. Covid-19 is not the only germ out there with ill-intent.

Which brings me to the heart of this post and the request that we be tolerant. The pandemic has raised blood-pressures and debate to a shrill and disturbing level. They say that the first victim of war is truth; I would say the same for a pandemic. Theories and conspiracies swirl around us until we find it hard to find our bearings. We are all frustrated and anxious and worn out. We would all love to do the things that we normally enjoy. We would all love to be alive and well when this ends to experience life’s great riches.

And the key word in all of this is WE. So often I hear I, but in society one person’s I is another person’s you.

**I want to party too – but now may not be the best time. Also, I couldn’t stay awake.**
Image: Kajetan Sumila on Unsplash

Scenes like that above seriously give me the wibblies. Is one person’s desire to go to a nightclub more important than keeping another well? I’ll let you decide.

But what I would like, is for everyone to simply accept that whatever choices we make are based on our own best assessment of the situation. If someone comes to visit and doesn’t want to come inside, that’s fine. The summer house is warm and dry even with the doors wide open. If someone wants to keep their distance too, they should and I should not mock them for it. Sometimes people seem overly paranoid. Well, I just try to remember that I don’t know the reason for that: perhaps they are caring for an elderly relative; a sick child or have medical conditions invisible to me. Whatever they decide that does no harm to anyone else, is simply what I should respect.

Trust

And from here, in order to live any semblance of a normal life, I simply have to trust. If someone is unwell – even if it is not obviously Covid – I trust that they will stay at home or at least warn me beforehand and let me assess the risk. If someone has been in contact with someone who has been asked to isolate, I would expect the same. We all want to party and to enjoy ourselves, but sometimes, we just have to wait a little longer.

At my age, you don’t expect to have to learn life skills all over again, but since the restrictions have been eased in this country, it’s exactly what I have had to do. It’s as if all my knowledge has atrophied like muscles from lack of use. Fourteen months of self-isolation, with only my husband and the dog for company, is a long time. Re-emerging into the world was bound to be a little tricky. However, the interesting thing is that everyone I speak to (and yes, I get to do that again) seems to be feeling the same way, even though their last year has been less confined.

**It’s a big world out there** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Getting together/Keeping your distance

The first, and trickiest thing has been deciding how close our social interactions should be. Do we keep 2 metres apart? Do we keep our masks on? Do we allow a touch or a hug? For the last year or so, all social interaction has been dominated by the niggling fear that your good friend may well be the vector of your demise. Viral infection is worse than living under the Stasi – an ill-placed sneeze or touch could land you in the hospital, or worse, the morgue.

Though all my friends have now had both vaccinations and cases in my hometown are, of yesterday, down to zero, the edge of anxiety remains. Were we all to stay here and not have any visitors, we’d be fine. But the restrictions were barely lifted before folks were off to see relatives and vice versa. Even though the majority of the population have had at least one vaccination, that still leaves a large number with none.

**How I miss hugging my friends!** Image: Christiana Rivers on Unsplash

And I live in a resort. Most British people will be holidaying at home this year, which means my normally rather restrained seaside town will be bursting with tourists as soon as the summer proper begins. Of course, I can hardly blame them wanting a trip to the beach and a change of view, but it throws another level of anxiety into the mix.

Letting our guard down

When seeing friends, we have met quite normally without masks or especially distanced. I’ve even had the first people in my house. It’s been an exciting week. But it is also exhausting. On Saturday, I think I slept for about 15 hours – recovering from all the birthday visitors the week before. And to be honest, it’s not just the flurry of guests that has left me drained. I’m not quite sure how to be with people. I’m not sure others feel much better either. We are all terribly polite, or very prickly or even both. No one wants to offend, but no one wants to stifle their opinions either. Sometimes, I just want to retreat to the shed and hide. Lock-down all seemed so much easier.

As a friend said, then, we all knew what to do. Now we are like the unfortunate astronaut on a space walk whose tether has been cut. However, shed fantasies aside, we are equally desperate to see each other and catch up. My empty diary is now full and that too is adding to my sense of disquiet. Gone are the days of moseying down to breakfast, pootling about the garden and having dinner when hunger pangs made themselves known. Now I have to schedule my days, dress nicely, and plan.

I also have to drive. The peaceful, empty roads of lock-down are no more. Instead, they filled with a torrent of traffic, ambling pedestrians, parked cars and the inevitable road works. The briefest journey is an obstacle course that stretches my levels of concentration to the limit.

Finding our balance

**Balancing is always precarious** Image: JC Dela Cuesta on Unsplash

Since we have who no idea how long it will be before we return to anything like normal, we shall have to find a way to balance our old lives with our new. I confess that my enthusiasm to catch up with everybody and do everything that I have been missing over the last months was perhaps ill-advised, but we all have to learn somehow.

What has helped me with the transition has been maintaining the schedule of yoga, meditation and breathing that I began seriously a year ago. It means getting up earlier than I would like and getting downstairs later, but without it, I’m not sure that I would have been able to cope at all.

While everything is still in flux, maintaining our rituals, whatever they are, becomes even more important. We cannot balance on thin air.

What the future holds

The future, by definition, is unknowable, but we can aim to make it a good one. For me that means doing all I can to keep safe (thus avoiding cluttering up the hospital) and being mindful of the well-being of others also.

**Consulting a crystal ball** Image: Joshua Woroniecki on Unsplash

With all restrictions due to be abolished in the next few weeks, we will have to ‘self police’ when it comes to living as fully as we can and as securely as we can. It was indeed easier when we were told exactly what we could and could not do. Now we have to negotiate that tricky social territory of those who are in the nonchalant, ‘It’s all over’ camp and the ‘Will my vaccine actually protect me?’ one.

My health complications have not miraculously disappeared, so I shall have to tread very carefully as the weeks unfold. Like everyone, I want to move forward with confidence and pleasure in all those social interactions that we took for granted in the past. But, I shall have to have the courage to say when I do not feel comfortable. And I plan, as far as possible, to meet up outdoors. I shall have to learn not to apologise when I have to put my needs first nor to be coerced by more confident (and healthy) friends. I shall have to listen, too, to those who are more anxious about the future and respect whatever decisions they make – no matter how timid or unfounded their fears may seem.

If we do this right, where we go from here should be a wonderful place. Imagine a world where people listen to one another; respect each other and act with the interest of everyone’s well-being at heart. It may be a dream, but I for one think it is one worth pursuing.