Just a little bit …
In a time of extreme divisions and, in some cases a complete breakdown of society, it seems more vital than ever that we come together to engage in open and honest debate. But to do this, we need to remember the first vital rule: that we respect those whose opinions differ from our own.
Each day brings new stories of trolling, deplatforming and cancelling. To me, these are all ugly words which threaten the very basis of a healthy, functioning society: freedom of expression. This does not mean that I advocate giving a voice to those whose words are vile or untrue – there are laws for that – but simply that we listen with open hearts and minds.
Throughout these turbulent months, I have been turning to my Quaker Faith and Practice to gain a moral compass in these uncharted seas. Indeed, this is where the germ of the idea for this blog began. I’d like to share this with you:
…When words are strange or disturbing to you, try to sense where they come from and what has nourished the lives of others. Listen patiently and seek the truth which other people’s opinions may contain for you. Avoid hurtful criticism and provocative language. Do not allow the strength of your convictions to betray you into making statements or allegations that are unfair or untrue. Think it possible that you may be mistaken.
Quaker Faith & Practice, Advices and queries 17
Listen
We all find it hard to listen to what others say and especially when our minds are clouded by our own prejudices. If we are honest with ourselves, we often hear nothing the speaker says when we have a negative view of them. Our thoughts are too full of proving them wrong, looking for flaws or simply despising them.
Though we are unlikely to have chats with world leaders any time soon, we are going to have conversations with our friends and neighbours. Brexit, in the UK, caused serious rifts; Trump did the same in America. Whatever side of the divide we fall on though, at least half the country will fall on the other. Race issues are resulting in further fissures, but the truth is that somehow, we all need to get along.
We can work towards reconciliation, or division. I know which I prefer and it needs to start here, with us.
Listening is an active rather than a passive act. It is important that we engage physically with proper eye contact and body language and that we indicate in some way that we have heard. Perhaps we need to paraphrase what was said, ask open questions or pick up stitches of their words and knit them into our own discourse. We need to allow room for expression and avoid my worst habit of jumping in before they finish.
Stick to the facts
As tweets and retweets fly and posts on social media bombard us, it is very difficult to know what is true. These platforms have no fact checkers and we are often subsumed with confusing and often contradictory information. Mainstream media doesn’t seem to do much better – shouting in headlines and emotive pictures and giving very little space to the rather less thrilling facts and figures.
Fortunately, we do have access to the truth, should we wish to take the time. And it is utterly vital that we do. Whatever position we take, it should be an informed one. Our arguments have no power, if we do not understand what we are advocating; our ability to change opinion rests on our understanding of why someone holds an opposing point of view. Perhaps, as is often the case, their position rests in fear. If we take our task as allaying those fears, we might well find they change their minds. If we ridicule or ignore their concerns, no number of fine words will sway them.
Keep calm
With inflammatory issues, where people have passionate feelings, it is extraordinarily difficult to keep calm. Most of us are able to restrain ourselves from physical violence, but it is well to remember that violence in the mind can be equally toxic: to ourselves and others.
It is in states of anger that we are most likely to exaggerate, be hurtful or bend the truth to our argument. None of this ultimately helps. Assuming that our goal is to achieve positive change, we will never do this through aggression and conflict. Violence begets violence and I am more than a little perturbed that many young people feel it is a valid path. Even the most cursory look at history will show that violent reform leads only to misery. Stalin, Chairman Mao and Pol Pot provide the most striking recent examples.
Be the change that you wish to see
Change starts with each individual. And it starts with action not speech. We must first look to ourselves, our failings and and our own foibles before we look for those in others. Then, and only then should we act. We must let our lives speak for us. And if we do, we will find our voice is considerably more powerful and persuasive. A more just and compassionate world is within our grasp. Let us reach for it.