‘Twas the week before Christmas

‘Twas the week before Christmas,
And all through the house,
There was baking and wrapping – but –
No sign of a spouse.

Sound familiar? As the great day approaches, mothers, wives and daughters up and down the country will be frantically working to make everything perfect for the holidays. We have set our standards high and are aghast at how little time is left.

Since MS affects two to three times more women than men, and women play the predominant role in Christmas preparations (apologies to those men who play a greater part), I thought I would dedicate this post to making a happier, fairer Christmas.

The Icelandic Option

This is a rather drastic one, but may be the most effective of all. In 1975, Icelandic women held a one day strike in the home and the workplace. It was called Women’s Day Off and 90% of Icelandic women participated in, well, doing nothing: no child care, no housework and no paid employment. The following year, a law was passed guaranteeing equal pay. Perhaps Christmas Day could be our ‘day off’? Perhaps for that one day, the men and the children would take care of everything. No present could beat that!

But, in truth, I love the preparations for Christmas, as I’m sure do most women. What we need, I feel, is simply to bring it back to something manageable, that everyone can enjoy and that everyone can participate in.

A spiritual Christmas

The Quakers don’t celebrate Christmas. Well, many do, but are not really supposed to. This is not because they are not Christian or spiritual, but rather because every day is cause for celebration and thanksgiving.

What can we learn from the Quakers to make our Christmas special? I think it is this: It is a day we have been given as a gift; a precious parcel of time to enjoy and use purposefully. To keep it simple – avoiding extravagance and waste and sharing our abundance with those less fortunate. Teaching our families this, we can lessen our burden and increase their appreciation.

For those who seek something a little more lively and colourful, churches at this time of year open their doors to believers and unbelievers alike. Carol concerts and special services allow us to reconnect with the spiritual side of Christmas. The financial cost is small, but the rewards great.

We need do nothing but attend, perhaps sing a little and take a quiet moment to reflect, or pray. Perhaps we might bring a gift to more needy children and help re-balance the commercialisation of this period.

Green Christmas

I confess that I am delighted that being green has now become trendy. In the past, showing concern about the environment was a social kiss of death. No more! So what can we do to make Christmas a little greener and, as a bonus, more affordable and inclusive?

One idea is to only use brown or regular paper to wrap presents as the commercial wrap cannot be recycled. I like to adorn mine with Washi Tape (colourful low-tack tape) and/or stamps and stencils. Young children can have hours of fun creating papers – supervised by their dads, of course. This is a low cost activity with a practical result. And let the kids get involved in wrapping too. With carols as background music, it can be a very special time indeed.

Deck the Halls – with holly, evergreens, berries, mistletoe – whatever you can easily gather from your garden or winter walks. You’ll need gardening gloves and good secateurs and permission to gather anything outside your own fences. Farmers markets and green grocers often stock lovely winter foliage and flowers. Nature is beautiful as it is, but if you have the urge, you can go to town with ribbons and arrangements. Don’t forget to let the rest of the family join in, though!

I am very fortunate to live in an area of outstanding beauty – but having travelled all over the UK, I can’t actually think of a place that is more than 20 miles from somewhere equally gorgeous. So take advantage of what is on offer in the countryside and get the whole family outside for a long walk after dinner. It will give you all a much needed breath of fresh air, unplug the kids from their devices and provide a relaxed time to talk or simply admire the view.

A family Christmas

If I’m honest, when the children were little (and even not so little) just before the Christmas dinner, you could find me shedding a few tears in the kitchen. Overworked, hot and exhausted, I could barely find the energy for the final step. And the fault was as much mine as the family’s. Looking super efficient, having all the plans and menus etc is somewhat disempowering for the other members of the family. I had fallen for the biggest lie of all: that mothers are responsible for everything and failure to provide the perfect Christmas was the ultimate disgrace. Like everyone else, I’d seen the magazines and Sunday supplements and heard of friends who annually sewed their table mats and matching napkins etc. If there was ever a time for female competition to reach its zenith – it was now.

Well, enough of that. I shan’t be making a complete ginger bread cityscape this year; I shan’t be sewing napkins or making Christmas cake. There are plenty of people who can do these things better than I can, and if I want something special, I shall buy it from one of the many excellent artists and artisans who are trying to earn a living from the same. I love making things and have made most of my cards and some of my presents – but this has been a joy and not a chore. The rule is: if you don’t want to do it, don’t.

Delegate! Think of it as empowering other family members. Christmas activities often fall along gender lines with the males doing the tree and fairy lights and all things technical. Perhaps use this opportunity to teach the girls to do the same and get the boys to help with icing and baking. One of my best Christmases was making a slightly wonky ginger bread castle (complete with Playmobile knights) with my son. Piping icing arrow slits was hilarious. And when other family members are asked to join in the with the fun stuff, they will be more willing to help with more mundane tasks such as peeling vegetables. With everyone in the kitchen and favourite drinks and snacks on hand, even this can become part of the festivities.

Keep it simple! Christmas is about spending time together as a family and sharing that most fundamental form of love – a shared meal. Christmas lunch should be special – but it doesn’t need to slavishly follow tradition or break the bank. Agree on what special foods you all love and make your own traditions. Having friends and family over? Well, ask them to contribute one of their favourites. This is normal in the US and I’m glad to see the idea catching on in the UK too. By lessening the load on the host, you will be increasing the pleasure for all.

Games and activities. Once the meal is over, resist the temptation to switch on the TV. Children seldom get the opportunity to play with busy parents, so don’t miss the chance now. Let the kids be the games masters and select and organise the entertainment. Mayhem will doubtless ensue, but hopefully, it will be of a happy kind and at the end, sitting down to a family movie will let everyone wind down and relax.

A perfect Christmas may be a noble ideal, but not a very realistic one-at least if you are me. But we can all achieve a memorable day where every member of the family plays an important part and is reminded that the true spirit of Christmas lies in giving. So I leave you for this year with the wish that you have a day filled with love and laughter. Merry Christmas!