A Well-Earned Rest

To say the last few months have been busy would be an understatement. They have been exciting, gregarious, exhilarating and exhausting. So much has happened in such a short time that my head is struggling to process it all. Unfortunately, my body is fully aware and like an overworked mule, refusing to cooperate further.

It all caught up with me at the weekend. Hermione had been badly bitten in the puppy park (she should be fine), Mariia had a wobbly over distressing news from Ukraine and well, I was running on empty. It was time to rest.

Time to rest

We all need to schedule rest into our lives and I, like most folks, tend to forget that. And so we struggle on until no amount of caffeine or cat naps will do. We simply need to stop. With MS, this can be a little abrupt. One minute you are fine, the next your legs lose power, you feel dizzy and need to sit down before you fall. Chronic fatigue is extremely inconvenient when you have other more exciting plans. Perhaps you can stretch it a bit (as I did over the summer) but eventually it will come back to claim you.

Though I confess to failing on most points of moderating my downtime, I have maintained a very strict sleep schedule. I am always in bed by ten and up around 8.30am. Yup! Ten hours is what I need. Well, ten hours of rest at least. Sleep is not always guaranteed, but lying quietly will do me fine.

No regrets

Am I sorry that, in engineering parlance, I have tested myself to destruction? Absolutely not. I would not have missed a single day of this wonderful summer. However, I am aware that all good things must come to an end – or at least a pause.

Strangely, this hectic season has brought its own satisfactions. Bed lover though I am, I have never been quite so delighted to head upstairs in the evening as I have these last months. The gentle weight of the the duvet pressing down on me, a pillow cradling my head and relaxing dim light all feel like great luxury when you are really tired. Because when the day is filled with adventures, rest is a welcome respite. Days not so fully filled make bedtime a bore.

Unearned rest

Because the great irony is that too much free time and too much rest is bad for us. Our society is obsessed with leisure. We are encouraged to have endless days where nothing is expected of us and our every need is filled. It is the message behind all those adverts for exotic holidays, convenience foods and time-saving appliances. Have more time to yourself and you’ll be happy they say.

Except you won’t. Only poorer. Those wealthy enough to live a life of luxurious liberty are seldom content. The briefest look at the history of the leisure class would tell us this. These lives are filled with alcohol, drugs, affairs, gluttony and general bad behaviour – anything to keep the threat of boredom away. We are not designed to be idle.

Worse, those imprisoned in idleness have almost invariably bought their leisure with the price of another’s miserable labour. This is the greatest irony of all and has caused immeasurable suffering across the world. The Roman reclining on his coach being fed grapes in his centrally heated room does not have to witness the sweltering slaves below him.

Fortunately, our own lives do not come at such a direct human cost – though we are wise to remember that there is always a cost to someone or something; if nothing else to the earth itself.

Yet we still aim for the life of leisure, whether is it briefly – in the form of a holiday, or completely – in early retirement. We work hard, we save, we dream, but when we attain our goal, it is often different from what we expected. Perhaps we arrive at our exotic location too tired to move from the sun lounger to explore our location or perhaps our retirement brings its own question of what to do with an endless stretch of days. Or worse, when we reach it our health is too poor to enjoy it.

Rather than seeking the extremes of total work or total leisure, perhaps we should look for a balance of the two so that when we go to bed at night we are healthily tired.

Striking a balance

I do too much. I know that. Today I am in my track suit bottoms and cosy hoody because I need to rest. I’m not 100% well and hope this respite will fight off the cold that wants to overwhelm me. I need to push back and find space for repose and for myself. (A brief trip to Birling Gap yesterday to write felt as joyful as a vacation.)

I need to reinstate my yoga and breathing exercises that were side-lined with my son’s arrival and then Mariia’s. We need to insist on rest as ardently as we insist on leisure. Because we need both. Adhering to the 24/7 work culture will only result in ill-health and burn-out. Aiming for a life of leisure results in a fatuous existence.

When we have purpose in our lives and fill our days with whatever ignites our passion, whether that be helping others, work, creativity or play, we fall into bed at night satisfied at a day well lived. And if we don’t find our balance today? There is always tomorrow. But for now, I’m off for a nap.