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Careless to Carless

The day before we were due to set off to a funeral in America, my car was involved in a minor road accident. A somewhat careless postal worker pulled out from between two parked cars and directly into me. Fortunately, no-one was hurt, but my poor old car.

This trusty vehicle had given me no bother for over ten years and I had no plans to replace it until it drove no more. Sadly, its age was against it and when I mentioned this to the insurance company, they immediately wrote it off. In truth, it was rather damaged and could only go in reverse – but still!

With the wonderful help of my friendly dog walker, I managed to sort the insurance and used his phone for photographs. Despite having driven since I was eighteen, I really didn’t know what to do in the case of an accident. Luckily, he did.

After several hours of phone calls, my friend Penny kindly took me to the car to empty it and to wave good-bye as it set off to the scrap yard.

Now what?

Our flight was the next day, so I didn’t have time to get the replacement car offered nor to use it for long afterwards, so I decided that in the interim, I would just take taxis when needed.

My intention was for this to be a short-term solution, until I discovered how expensive and rare good second-hand vehicles are. My husband got on with the research on our return and I got on with life. In order to get anything as safe and reliable as my old car, we’d need to spend upwards of £10,000. Following an emergency trip to the US and a wedding there in the summer, this was a cost too far.

Doing the maths

**Calculations** Image: Photo by Antoine Dautry on Unsplash

Despite life hurling lemons with gusto, I was determined not to be defeated. Could I turn this unfortunate incident into something good? It would be a challenge – but isn’t everything?

I decided to take a scientific approach and consider all options before making any expensive decision. These were:

Buy a new car with the settlement and savings
Buy a new car with the settlement and loan
Use taxis

Like most people, my first thought was to of course get a new car. How would I cope without one? I have enough in savings to cover the costs and could manage car payments, but I am more than a little reluctant to dip into my very modest ‘pension’ savings to do so.

Running a car, let alone paying for one, is rather expensive. I would estimate around £1500 a year for someone with a reliable car and no claims on their insurance. That is around £125 per month or £30 per week. We seldom make these calculations because we believe we need a car of our own. But do we?

Taking an alternative

And this is my experiment. For the next month, I plan to allocate £125 to taxis and see if I use it. Since tomorrow is the first of the month, it is the perfect place to begin. I just need to remember to note all my journeys.

I’ve vowed not to take lifts nor to put people out. (But if my husband offers, I’ll accept!) If I need to get somewhere, I’ll get a taxi. If I feel frustrated at not being able to go places (such as Birling Gap) I’ll note it.

**A fair fare** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Taxis are not cheap. However, they are super convenient, avoid the frustration of parking and provide a stress free journey. When living in an urban area, they really are a solution to excess traffic and since they maximise mileage efficiency and usage, they are a little greener.

The walking cure

Following reading the excellent Landlines by Raynor Winn, in which her husband overcomes all the odds with a terrifying illness through walking the length of Britain, I have determined to make my own little journeys on foot. A thousand miles is currently far beyond me, but a mile? Perhaps even two is worth attempting.

**A walk in the woods** Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

Not having a car is adding to the incentive to practise the one thing that might conceivably arrest or even reverse my condition. I managed to take Hermione to the puppy park today and back. It is a mere 25 minutes round trip and I need to rest afterwards, but it is a start.

And if I can do that, I can work on doing more – literally step-by-step. I would consider myself a realistic optimist. I doubt I shall ever manage much, but maintaining independent movement is paramount and this will certainly help.

We have the benefit of a family car, which makes a tremendous difference. Yet, I am keen to see if we can manage with just one. And perhaps, just perhaps, going from careless to carless will not only bring me financial savings but physical gains.

Making a Date with Art

**The Towner Art Gallery, Eastbourne** Image: Wendy Barton

One of the recommended activities of The Artist’s Way is that you make an art date part of your weekly schedule. For two hours, you fill your creative well with something just for you. It may mean visiting your favourite stationery shop, attending a concert or going to an art gallery. Whatever you do, you do it alone and give it your full attention. Selfish? Perhaps. Unnecessary? Hardly. Because if we want to have any hope of fulfilling our artistic yearnings, we must absorb as much creativity as possible from others, both to inspire and nourish ourselves.

Getting started

The hardest part of this assignment is getting started. Who has two hours to dawdle in a museum, watch a favourite film or wander a flea market looking for curiosities? Our instinctive response is no-one. Yet, the answer is actually everyone.

Like most people, I struggled to ‘find the time’. I’d manage one week and be tired and miss the next. My Puritan work ethic frowned at the frivolity. My sense of the rather hopeless endeavour of making any money from my work made we wonder if it were just a waste of time. My lack of any sense of being worthy of spoiling myself for a whole two hours each week was perhaps the most damning of all. So my attendance was erratic at best.

Except that sometimes I did manage to go. And each two hour session was like a mini holiday from life. After, I returned home refreshed and energised. Any tasks that had been set aside to allow me this break were soon accomplished.

Making the commitment

Luckily for me, I live very close to an award winning modern art gallery with a superb building, a library and a cafe. So I have committed to go every Tuesday when it is quiet and recharge my depleted creative batteries. I’ve become a museum member out of gratitude for the wonderful service they offer and to be more informed about up-coming exhibitions and events. It was £50 well spent.

**Membership pack** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

I’ve also worked out a way to give my visits a sense of purpose. Though the exhibitions do revolve fairly often, they certainly do not do so every week. So how was I best to use the time I was there?

Primarily, I decided to see all the exhibition and then review a few of the paintings in more detail: thinking about the choices the artist made, the mediums used, looking for tiny details. Still, I had quite a lot of time left.

A beautiful library

While wandering about the Ravilious room for the umpteenth time, I glanced at the well-stocked library there. Hmm, I thought to myself. I have always loved art, but am entirely ignorant of so much art history. Perhaps I could use this time to become better informed.

My first forays were random. I’d select a book I liked the look of, make some notes and a sketch and then head for the cafe. Then it struck me that I might want to be a little more coordinated. What if I began at A and worked my way through to Z? I didn’t need to pick up everything, but I would be guaranteed to learn a lot. My art teacher’s daughter rather grandly calls it my self-directed art study; I call it stimulating play.

**B is for Blackadder** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Making the most of books

I seldom have time to read the entire book, but I do have time to skim and jot down any key ideas. These gorgeous volumes are filled with high quality images and I try each time to select one, or part of one, to sketch. In doing so, I imprint the artist far more clearly in my mind than mere notes would do. Even though I have only coloured pencils to work with, it is enough.

**Practical notes** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Sources of inspiration

How do you know what you like if you haven’t been exposed to all the possibilities? The oft quoted, ‘I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like’ encapsulates this attitude, because ‘what we like’ is more often than not what we are familiar with rather than any aesthetic choice.

Writing this, I realise that I must put aside my prejudice against photography books. Next week, I shall have to pick one up!

Yet, as I work through these publications, I realise that I am drawn to certain styles. Not because one is ‘better’ but rather fits my interests. I love nature studies, print making and images combined with text. These may well guide me in my own art adventures.

**Detail from Carry Akroyd’s ‘natures powers and spells’** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Carry Akroyd uses exquisite nature prints overlaid with poetry by John Clare to express her concern over the diminishment of the English countryside (which was Clare’s concern too). The text weaves through the image, illuminating it. History and the present fuse and we are left, hopefully, encouraged to act to protect this precious Earth.

A little reward

When I am finished with my viewing, my reading and my sketching, I retire to the modern cafe for my refreshment. Of course, I could go home and have a cup of tea, but there is something deliciously decadent about having one made for you. And making this experience one of self-love and self-care is part of its charm.

**Tea for one** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

At an art museum, it is quite fine to sit by oneself and ponder. I often do a little doodle or start on a poem, because such moments of absolute tranquillity are rare. They are also, very precious.

What is stopping you?

Art dates are considerably more fulfilling than the usual activities we fill our days with. Finding two hours to yourself may feel like an indulgence, but it is really no longer than episode or two on Netflix and a fraction of the time the average person spends on social media.

Valuing ourselves and our creative journeys is paramount if we are to live our best lives. So go ahead. Plan a trip, make a date and remember that you really are worth it!

Getting into the Habit

Did you make any New Year resolutions this year? Are you sticking to them? If you are – congratulations. Most folks will have abandoned them by today.

Each year, we set ourselves goals and each year, well, we usually give up. The question is, why? I am fascinated by how our minds work and how sometimes, we allow them to take us down paths that are clearly not good for us. We neglect to exercise or eat well and even to pursue our dreams. We want to change our habits but don’t know how.

**Resolutions** Image: Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Life habits

Since our brains can only process so much in one day, about 45% of what we do is habit. Our brains function on a sort of auto-pilot, which means we get up each morning, wash and brush our teeth without giving it any thought at all. We were taught as children to develop these habits and are rewarded with clean skin and healthy teeth. However, other equally automatic routines may cause us harm.

In order to change our habits or encourage new ones, we must first look at how they are formed. James Clear in his article ‘How to Start New Habits that Actually Stick’ explains it this way. A habit arises from a cue that the brain anticipates will bring a reward. For example, you wake up and wish to be alert. You drink a cup of coffee. This satisfies your desire to be alert. Your brain then associates waking with drinking coffee and a habit is born.

**Ahh! The first coffee of the morning** Image: Photo by Pablo Merchan Montes on Unsplash

Rewards

The key here is seeing what the reward is for your behaviour. The greater the perceived reward, the more likely you are to pursue it. If you see no reward – or only one you might achieve in the distant future – you will be unlikely to change your behaviour. Which is perhaps why we succumb to the desire for another piece of cake (instant reward) rather than passing and going to the gym instead (long-term reward).

So how do we bring better habits into our lives? Chris Sparks suggests that a rethink is in order. Rather than focusing on creating an entirely new habit from scratch, we should work towards making that new habit easier to achieve. He says:

If your daily habits require discipline to execute, you’re doing it wrong. With a habit-centric approach, we don’t “do things” as much as “make the things we want to do easier to do in the future”. Redirect that discipline towards building systems which can redirect the flow of our future behavior by making your habits easier to perform.

When acquiring a habit is just too hard and goes against the grain of our lives, we are doomed to failure. However, if we design a system that will encourage our success, we are likely to achieve our aims. Both good and bad habits take a long time to form. It may take months or it may take years, but if it is truly worth doing, the timescale is irrelevant.

**A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips** Image: Deva Williamson on Unsplash

Working towards achieving

This phrase, beloved by teachers, is actually a very good one. When we set our goal as working towards achieving, we give ourselves a little leeway. We are not so much failing as working on it and so hopefully, do not give up in despair.

When I was diagnosed with MS, I had two choices: succumb to my fate and continue life as usual or opt for a hopeful, though not certain, possibility of stability or even partial recovery. The first option would inevitably result in total disability within a matter of years. The second might, just might, hold that fate off for a while.

The decision was easy. Following it was rather harder. It required not just acquiring one new habit but many simultaneously. Stress reduction was paramount, so yoga and meditation needed to become part of my daily routine. My diet changed almost completely – moving from lacto-ovo vegetarian with very little fish to plant based with some fish and almost no pre-made foods.

There would be much stumbling, moments of weakness, back-sliding and general grumpiness at the whole situation, but I’m glad to say that after seven years, for the most part, I have succeeded. The discipline of exercise, meditation, cold showers, a restricted diet etc became natural. And as it did so, my resistance and frustration dissolved.

**Doing my best to achieve optimum health** Image: Estudio Bloom on Unsplash

Of course, I am not perfect. Sometimes life is a little crazy and I eat rubbish food or forget to do my yoga. And that’s okay. Forgiving yourself the odd relapse allows you to start again. If we are too strict with ourselves, we may just give up.

Changing habits

Perhaps the most important element of changing habits is to become more aware of those we have that we wish to alter. Since habits are, by definition, subconscious behaviours, we will have no chance of success unless we bring them into the light.

Let’s take the example of a bag of delicious, salty cashew nuts (my favourite). I probably eat too many of them, so how do I go about reducing my consumption?

James Clear proposes the following:

The cue – make them invisible (Put them in the cupboard out of sight or don’t purchase)

Craving – make it unattractive (These nuts will expand my waistline!)

Response – make it difficult (Where are those nuts?)

Reward -make it unsatisfying (Having eaten them, instead of feeling happy, I will feel as though I have let myself down. )

In order to create a new, good habit, do the opposite.

Baby steps

**One step at a time** Image: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Few things worthwhile are achieved in a moment. Like a child learning to walk, it will take perseverance, the odd tumble and lots of praise.

In order to successfully redirect our neural pathways, we will need to repeat our actions over and over again. Since most of what we do is automatic, we need to first become mindful of our behaviours. Focussing on what we do and consciously choosing to do it will help us avoid lapsing into mindless and possibly detrimental activities.

Equally, when we achieve our goal of redirecting our minds to a more positive action, we should congratulate ourselves on a job well done and focus on the benefits that it will bring. Our minds are driven by reward: make sure you offer one!

Starting small and gaining little victories is always more likely to succeed than making unrealistic goals. I could never run, no matter how much I would like to, but I can gradually increase the distance I can walk.

Whatever you would like to do (or not do) be kind to yourself. Think what you can easily manage: five minutes’ meditation or Duolingo and do it – every day. Before you know it, that time will increase and your new, positive habit will be formed.

A Pause

Just letting you know that I shan’t be able to do a post this Friday. Tragically, my future daughter-in-law’s mother died and we are heading to the US for the funeral.

I hope to catch up next week.

Much love, Karen

A Year of Gratitude

Looking back over 2022, one might be forgiven for thinking it a dreadful year: Russia’s invasion of Ukraine; spiralling living and energy costs; Government chaos and daily labour disputes. And these are only the headlines. If all the world is a stage, it seemed that only tragedies were on the playbill.

**Finding joy in every day**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Yet, if we look back at our own lives, we might find a very different picture. As with the year before, I have kept a gratitude calendar for 2022. Every day is filled with something that I am thankful for. It is not necessarily anything exceptional. It may even be something as small as a sociable meet up at the puppy park or a coffee with a friend. But these events, large or small, all bring delight and in cultivating gratitude, I am also cultivating my capacity for happiness, since:

It is not happiness that brings us gratitude. It is gratitude that brings us happiness.
Anon

Recent studies in neuroscience have shown that this rather folksy saying is absolutely true. Regular practice of gratitude is beneficial for both mental and physical well being. For the science, I suggest you read this excellent article: https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/

So what do I have to be so happy about? It turns out, a great deal.

Friendships

By far the most frequent notes in my calendar are of meetings with friends: a morning coffee or posh birthday tea. Our conversations will roam through subjects of serious content and absolute rubbish and are often punctuated by laughter. Whatever the topic, I am always acutely aware of how grateful I am to have their companionship and that they have taken time to share mine.

**Birthday tea with friends. Great company and delicious food. Who wouldn’t be grateful?**
Image: Lucy McCance

However, for these meetings to evoke gratitude, we need to be sure that they are not a pity party where we simply swap woes. Of course, friends are there to share our sorrows and our joys and we need to feel free to express both. But if we find that these meetings are all about trials and negativity, it would be wise to ration them. Even the most cheerful amongst us will be dampened by a litany of complaints. And for those resistant to gratitude, reminding them of all they have to be thankful for seldom helps!

Adventure

When we move out of the everyday, we become vulnerable and that vulnerability is the very thing that makes adventure and travel so exciting. Our senses are on high alert and we are consciously looking for memorable information: a stunning view, a delicious scent, a perfect morsel. And the good news is that we needn’t go far to experience this.

We took Mariia and her friend Yana to Birling Gap last week to see the cliffs. The wind was whipping through the air making it hard to even open the car door; storm clouds brooded on the horizon. It was cold. It diminished their enjoyment not one jot. The sheer energy of those elemental forces of air and sea were exhilarating and the girls returned bubbling with joy.

I too love those wild days, not least because I can shelter in the cosy cafe with a hot drink when I get too cold or wet.

We’ve been to Scotland twice last year and it never disappoints. The magnitude of its beauty is humbling and one cannot but feel grateful to experience it.

Near Loch Morlich, Aviemore Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Celebrations

This year has offered me more than my fair share of celebrations, but the one I am most grateful for is the engagement of my son to the lovely Genevieve. On the day of their engagement party, the weather was exceptionally kind: filled with golden sunshine and warm breezes.

As a parent, our greatest wish is that our children will be happy and find a companion that will enhance their life. I have been twice blessed in this regard – my younger son married to the adorable Kelsee.

Since folks came from far and wide to celebrate with us, we were reminded of the web of family and friendship which supports these relationships. There was so much to be thankful for that day: the kindness of friends who baked cakes; provided chairs, bunting and a gazebos; those who helped prepare and serve refreshments; and of course everyone who came to make the happy couple feel loved and valued. And the wonderful thing about feelings of gratitude is that through memory, they can be evoked again and again.

Valuing the everyday

Gratitude is not just for high days and holy days – it is a way of living where one tries to appreciate all the wonders that this world offers.

Having Mariia living with us has highlighted how much of the ‘everyday’ is precious. Having someone whose parents cannot be certain of an Internet connection, electricity or fuel rather focusses the mind on how valuable these things are. The top two tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs says that we must have the following to survive: food, water, air, shelter, sleep and safety. Those living in Ukraine can only be sure of two – air and food (though prices are rising alarmingly). Water supplies are regularly cut off, shelter is precarious at best, sleep interrupted by shelling and sirens and safety – well, no-one is safe.

Knowing this, I cannot help but be grateful that here all of these are available to us even if not as readily for everyone as I might like.

Making gratitude a way of life

Even if you are feeling a little down after all the excitement of Christmas (especially if you are feeling down) training your mind to find things to be grateful for will bring you significant benefits in the long term. Consistent practice enables us to ‘rewire’ the brain to look for the positive rather than its default mode of the negative. Our outlook will improve and with it our engagement with others; the health benefits are legion and profound. The article that I have listed above gives a number of ways to make gratitude an intentional life practice. It needn’t take long. Just jotting down one thing that you are thankful for each day, no matter how small, will set you on the path. One day, I thought it was the magnificent bloom on my amaryllis.

**How can one not be grateful for such beauty?** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

And I hope that when you come to review 2023, your calendar will be as full of joy as mine.

Season’s Greetings

I imagine that everyone now is in the scurrying around with last minute chores phase. Gift wrapping and cake decorating aside, I think that we are almost there, but tomorrow may bring to light some forgotten tasks.

Since it is the holidays and visitors are due and food needs preparing, I shall take these two weeks off. I shall return on Friday 6 January and hope you will join me then.

Which only leaves me to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a happy and adventure filled New Year.

Much love, Karen xx

Word of the Day – Diversion

‘What does diversion mean?’ Mariia asked from the back seat of the car.

Well, it has multiple meanings, my husband and I replied. In this case, it’s when the road ahead is blocked and you have to take an alternative route to your destination. It’s also used to mean an entertainment, which equally takes you away from the everyday. Then my husband added that it can mean a distraction, as when someone doesn’t want you to know what they are doing: i.e. picking your pocket!

Satisfied, Mariia sat back in the car and enjoyed the beautiful frost coated countryside rushing past the window.

**Defined by frost** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Though snow is nothing new to her, for Jeff and me it was a treat to drive through the stunning Ashdown Forest; each tree branch highlighted in pristine white. It felt like we were travelling through a Christmas card.

An entertaining diversion

Our destination was Standen, one of my favourite National Trust properties in the Arts and Crafts style. We had been meaning to take Mariia on some cultural trips for weeks and had finally found the time. It was all decorated for Christmas and so would be especially stunning.

It certainly didn’t disappoint. Each room was lavishly filled with Christmas greenery and dressed trees. The 1920s were chosen as the decade the family were celebrating Christmas and throughout the house were quotes of family and servant memories, which made the re-enactment of the Beale family celebration feel a little more ‘real’.

**A welcoming entrance** Image: Mariia Matrunich

Unlike many of the National Trust properties, Standen was always a family home. A wealthy family, without doubt, but it was somewhere that was properly lived in and where children played. As a consequence, it is inviting in a way that other, grander properties are not.

Tour over, we headed to the outbuilding next to the restaurant for lunch with the dog. (When you have a dog, you get used to eating outside or in the less stylish parts of a building.)

As we finished our meal, I glanced out the window and saw snow. How wonderful and magical, I thought. What a perfect end to our perfect day!

Well, not quite.

Taking an alternative route

The drifting flakes soon turned to fat, swirling ones. At three o’clock, we had barely half an hour before dark and our scenic route home was abandoned in favour of a busier, safer one.

The snow continued to fall, heavier now and sticking most effectively to the roads. It was so unexpected, so early in the year, that no gritters had prepared the way for motorists.

**Not ideal driving conditions** : Image: Kealan Gottshall on Unsplash

By the time we reached the outskirts of the Ashdown Forest, things were looking a bit scary. If we continued, and got stuck, there was no civilisation for miles and we did not fancy spending the night in the car or having an accident. As the tyres struggled to hold the road, my husband made the decision to turn back, get a hotel, and be safe. I’m so glad he did.

A distraction from Christmas busyness

Fortunately, we were close to the very chic village of Forest Row. We parked safely and asked a local for recommendations for somewhere to eat/sleep. They directed us across the road to the most beautiful country inn.

**A room at the inn** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Just as in some romantic Christmas movie, we asked if they had any rooms; holding our breath for their reply. Yes, they had two. We asked if Mariia were happy to come in with us, as they had a fold down bed available. Though we were happy to pay the extra, we knew very well that there would be many to follow us looking for a warm haven. And there were.

Soon folks were stomping in, covered in snow, having abandoned their cars further up the road. Everyone was delighted to find somewhere warm that they could shelter. Everyone was sociable in the way that only seems to occur when overcoming adversity. We shed our usual shyness and talked to one another.

**Warm and cosy by the fire.** Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

A few were frantic with worry, but almost everyone else was calm and helpful. The chef returned to the pub- despite finishing a busy shift – to ensure that folks could get fed (all the convenience stores had closed). He stood outside for a time in the freezing night air checking that everyone had somewhere to go. If anyone encapsulated the spirit of the season, it was him.

Everyone found a room somewhere in the village – even the couple who arrived at nine pm having walked a mile and a half through the snow from their car. Christmas music filled the air and everything felt festive and right.

For that evening at least, no-one could get on with work or worry about last minute shopping. The WiFi connection was so sketchy that most people simply sat and mused and sipped their drinks. Conversation hummed all around as people struck up new friendships or forged old.

I think it is fair to say that everyone was grateful: for the warmth, the shelter and the nourishment. Even a brief foray into the night reminded us of how desperately vulnerable we are without all three. So our diversion turned into a mini and unplanned holiday that we will certainly remember for years to come. And next time we go to Standen, we’ll check the forecast first.

**One snowy night** Image: Mariia Matrunich

Be Brave Like Ukraine

Sometimes my ideas for posts come from the strangest places. This one arrived in the mail.

My husband had found a perfect Christmas gift for Mariia, but it had to come from Ukraine. Upon its arrival, she brought it to me puzzled, saying it was addressed to Jeff but had Ukrainian stamps. ‘That’s right,’ I said whisking it away. ‘I’m delighted it’s got here.’ Which is when I noticed the sticker on the back of the envelope.

**An uplifting postal message**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

I doubt I would have thought any more about it except that a few things happened in close order. One was the comment by a chap in the park that the war would be over if the Ukrainians just accepted Russian rule. The second was Macron and Biden’s desire to negotiate with Putin. The third was the underlying rumblings that Ukrainian ‘recalcitrance’ in refusing to back down was causing energy and food supply issues for the West.

The answer I wanted to give all of them was: Be brave like Ukraine!

Since I know that many people share the views above, I’d like to give a little more insight than perhaps is available on the news.

But Ukraine is part of Russia anyway

Unfortunately, this is clearly what the Russians think and I’m sure many others too. Ukraine’s history is a complex one with the region being annexed many times over the centuries. It was home to the Kyivan Rus (Vikings who settled in the area) and was subsequently part of the Polish, Lithuanian, Mongol, Russian and Austro-Hungarian empires.

In 1922, after a brief period of independence, Ukraine became part of the USSR until achieving full independence once more in 1991. This time, the country chose its independence via a democratic referendum. It’s fate was not to be decided by the whims of history, but by the people themselves. And when asked if they wished to become an independent country the answer was an overwhelming yes – with 92.3% in support.

Thirty years on, they clearly wish to remain that way. Russia has deep cultural ties with the area, but I, for one do not believe that trumps a nation’s sovereignty or democratically decided statehood.

For a more in-depth but very easy comprehensible version, please watch the video below.

Time to negotiate?

With the war going on for almost ten months now, there are those who wish to go into negotiations to bring it to an end. Macron seems especially keen and Biden too, given certain provisos. As someone who always prefers peace over war and who is now far too aware of the difficulties and deprivations of those living in Ukraine, I would normally applaud such as progress. Yet the phrase that keeps resounding in my brain is ‘Do not negotiate with terrorists.’

While Russia claims that it feels intimidated by the potential increase in size of of NATO (especially Ukraine gaining membership), its ‘military infrastructure in Europe’ and missiles near its borders (Reuters Dec 5), there is nothing to suggest that Russia has anything to fear from its near neighbours. The contrary, however, cannot be said to be true. Russia has constantly threatened and undermined the individual nationhood of Ukraine with its worst efforts under Stalin who led a state sponsored famine – the Holodomor – resulting in almost four millions deaths. Russia’s invasion is just one incident in a line of many.

**We all want peace, but not at any price** Image: Engin Akyurt

When asked to comment on Putin’s security demands, one of Zelenskiy’s aids replied, ‘The world need security guarantees from Russia.’ (Reuters, 5 Dec). Indeed.

A little inconvenience

There is no doubt that the ongoing war in Ukraine is causing major disruption of energy and food supplies. Ukraine is the number one producer of sunflower oil and a major producer of cereals like maize, barley and wheat. It also is a significant producer of steel, which impacts engineering projects. Further, the conflict has resulted in a steep rise in energy prices, since Russia supplies so much to Europe.

**Rapeseed and blue skies** Image: Alexei Scutari on Unsplash

The war will cost all of us – though the poor countries reliant on their grain the most. But for those of us in the UK, we are unlikely to suffer too terribly. I appreciate that for many, the increase in fuel bills will be an unwelcome and perhaps final insult to already stretched finances. I do not underestimate that this winter will be hard for many people.

That said, I cannot conceive of how dire a winter in Ukraine will be. With temperatures regularly plummeting to sub zero, how do you manage without any reliable sources of energy at all? Mariia works regular hours on-line, but her colleagues in Ukraine have to work whenever the electricity supply is turned on and they are not sheltering in basements. She is sending thermal underwear to her parents. They have a generator, but it relies on fuel – and that is in short supply.

So what should we do?

Clearly, we can do little to change the situation in Ukraine, but we can follow their example. If we recognise the bravery and resilience of the Ukrainian people in the face of overt aggression, perhaps we can bring a little more courage in the face of adversity in our own lives. Perhaps, we will not be able to fulfil all our desires this Christmas, perhaps we will even have to make some sacrifices, but I hope that we can do this with good grace.

Moreover, I hope that we can continue to support the Ukrainian people in their struggle against a wicked regime. We must not let our own inconvenience lead us to falter and perhaps support measures that ease our lives at the expense of the Ukrainians. Being brave has consequences that are not all positive, yet the consequences for appeasement and accommodation in the long term are far, far worse.

A Proper Thanksgiving

Last Saturday, we did what we seldom do, and had a Thanksgiving dinner. My husband is American and he felt that a celebration was in order. We have much, after all, to be thankful for. I invited my mum, my niece and her husband.

Jeff, Mariia and I laboured in the kitchen for much of the day, but by dividing the tasks and helping one another, it was more joy than chore. Mariia contributed some amazing Ukrainian dishes, Jeff tackled the nut roast and vegetables, and I made the puddings. Keeping everything vegan was a little challenging, but we made it. I even managed a perfectly edible pumpkin pie using silken tofu. Result!

**Thanksgiving dinner**
Image: Mariia Matrunich

Thanksgiving is such a delightful holiday in that it has all the hallmarks of Christmas : a meal with loved ones, special foods, the best china and none of the stress. Well, less stress anyway. It is also a reminder to be grateful.

The origins of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a peculiarly American celebration, because it honours a significant event in the history of that country. The early settlers, the Pilgrims, were ill-equipped to survive in this new land. They lost half their community in the first winter, with most of them remaining aboard ship and dying of scurvy, exposure or disease.

When they came ashore, they were met by an English speaking Indian who brought his friend, Squanto, a few days later. Squanto was vital to the new settlers. He also spoke English (having been enslaved by an English ship and later having escaped to London from where he found his way home). To the Pilgrims he brought knowledge of local plants – how to tap maple trees and grow crops suitable to American soil. In addition, he helped secure friendly relations with the local tribe: the Wampanoag.

**The First Thanksgiving at Plymouth Rock** Image: Jennie Augusta Brownscombe, 1914

With his and others help, the first harvest was successful and in order to thank them, the Pilgrims invited their new friends to a great feast lasting three days. And thus, Thanksgiving was born. (Source: History.com)

In truth, this famous thanksgiving was not original. For millennia, people have held celebrations at the end of harvest. What made this one iconic was Abraham Lincoln who declared Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November as a national holiday. The story of the early settlers was told and retold and became what we think of Thanksgiving today.

Giving thanks always

Ironically, the American Indians fared terribly following their selfless generosity. Forced migration, which took place over decades, resulted in the mass genocide of Native Indians. For those who have survived, Thanksgiving is not a day of celebration but of sorrow.

Nevertheless, many tribes maintain the spirit of thanksgiving in their ceremonies and in the teaching of their children throughout the year. At the Onondaga Nation school, the week is bookended by a long, structured Thanksgiving Address. The words may vary, but the essentials remain the same.

It begins: Today we have gathered and when we look upon the faces around us we see that the circles of life continue. We have been given the duty to live in balance and harmony with each other and all living things. So now let us bring our minds together as one as we give greetings and thanks to each other at People. Now our minds are one.

(Braiding Sweetgrass, Robin Wall Kimmerer)

A moment of silence is left for the children to agree.

The address then continues to give thanks for each and every aspect of creation from the clean air we breathe to the fish in the waters, the trees and healing herbs. It is long. But as Kimmerer says, why would you complain that you have so many things to be thankful for?

This beautiful video gives a little more information about the address.

And if you would like to know the whole transcript, it is available here: https://danceforallpeople.com/haudenosaunee-thanksgiving-address/

Bounty

The most positive outcome of the address is a sense of bounty. ‘You can’t listen to the Thanksgiving Address without feeling wealthy,’ says Kimmerer. It ‘reminds you that you already have everything you need.’

Thanksgiving need not be saved for a special holiday or in response to a bumper harvest. The natural world gives of itself every day and we are the beneficiaries. In return, we should give it thanks and our protection.

Such an outlook is a refreshing and chastening one for the Western world and our consumer society. People often talk of what they lack, but we seldom remember to celebrate all that we have.

Personal thanks

This year has certainly been an interesting one. On Thanksgiving proper, Mariia took the opportunity to thank us for giving her a home away from danger. My husband and I were touched, but we both feel that she has only added to our lives and not taken anything away.

And that’s the thing with gratitude. When we are truly thankful for what we have, life continues to enrich us. When we feel abundance, we are more inclined to share.

**Grateful to be all together – Giff, Nancy, Mum, me, Jeff and Mariia** Image: Giff Smith

A Breath of Fresh Air

On Monday, when my friend arrived on my doorstep like a leaf blown in by the wind, I asked if she had cycled through the inclement weather. ‘No,’ she said simply, shaking the drops of rain from her waterproof jacket, ‘I walked. I just felt like I needed some fresh air.’

**November leaves** Image: Hannah Domsic on Unsplash

I was impressed. Outside, the wind was whirling; rain hurling itself upon the windows. Yet, I also knew that she had a point. November is seldom viewed as a time to enjoy the outdoors, but perhaps it should be.

A blustery day

Sitting inside, perhaps with the heating on, the air quickly becomes stale. Artificial light, to combat the gloomy skies without, is harsh on our eyes. Through attempting to overcome the ‘unpleasant’ conditions outside, we often make equally unpleasant conditions within if we don’t spend at least part of the day in the natural world.

That same day, I was suffering horribly from brain fog – a sort of listless state where one’s brain literally feels like it is shrouded in a heavy mist. Clear thinking is impossible and a headache hovers at the edges. Reflecting on my friend’s brave venture through the elements, I wondered if a blast of fresh air might help me. So, I took the dog out to the back garden, wrapped myself up well and sat in the shed with the door wide open to throw her ball.

We live at the top of a hill on the South Downs, so the wind has no obstacle before my back garden. At times, I thought the doors would be taken off their hinges or that Hermione might be lifted into the air. The sheer noise of the wind was deafening. But it was also exhilarating.

**This is what the trees look like where I live. They have given up trying to stay upright.**
Image: Khamkeo Vilaysing on Unsplash

Forty-five minutes of its buffeting left Hermione exhausted and happy and me completely free of my fog. The wind’s crazy, tousling madness had blown my lethargy clean away.

Learning to love the inclement

As the week progressed, these conditions continued, and I had to take the dog to the park and to exercise in the garden. Properly dressed, I discovered to my delight, that these expeditions into the rather wild elements were far from miserable. In fact, they were simply exhilarating.

For most of my life, November has been the month I dreaded: the dark annexing more and more of the day; damp and cold insinuating itself into every crevice. It was simply to be endured until the more festive month of December. But this year, I am seeing its virtues.

I am not the only one. John Clare’s poem, ‘November’ is a wonderful homage to this unpredictable and wild month. Below is a segment of the poem:

Sybil of months, and worshipper of winds,
I love thee, rude and boisterous as thou art;
And scraps of joy my wandering ever finds
Mid thy uproarious madness—

I too have found ‘scraps of joy … mid thy uproarious madness’, because being in these elemental conditions awakens something elemental in ourselves. A student of mine said that he likes nothing better than walking in nature in torrential rain. I now think I know why.

Weathering the storm

When my sister’s children were young, she lived some distance from the school and so took them there by car. My niece was about ten years old when she first walked to school in the rain. She thought it was brilliant.

**Standing firm through the raging sea. Porthcawl lighthouse.**
Image: Marcus Woodbridge on Unsplash

I’m not suggesting that we trudge through rain at every opportunity (and certainly not without appropriate gear) but dealing with literally stormy weather can help us learn to deal with the metaphorical kind. Resilience, like everything else, is learned. We cannot acquire it overnight. Through introducing ourselves to more manageable difficulties, surviving or even thriving through them, we adapt to change and complications more readily. This is at the heart of the Wim Hof cold method. When you can sit in an ice bath for several minutes, there is probably not much than will faze you.

Further, tackling difficult conditions reminds us that life is difficult. We should not expect some ideal that is far from reality. Which then begs the question: What is ideal?

Perception is all

What is perfect for you is unlikely to be perfect for me. My illness means that temperatures over 70 degrees cause me to melt and my faculties to go into sleep mode; for others, it is approaching the sublime.

Further, it is the way that we perceive that colours our judgment. We, as humans, tend to view rain, wind and cold as bad weather. As the brilliant writer, Henry Beston points out, that is our mistake. Nature has no interest in our categories. When considering the more ‘negative’ elements in nature, he says, ‘It is true there are some grim arrangements. Beware of judging them by whatever human values are in style. As well expect Nature to answer to your human values as to come into your house and sit in a chair.’ (The Outermost House)

We are in nature and of nature and learning to accept our rather microscopic position in the cosmos is generally advisable for good mental health. We no more control the weather than King Cnute managed to control the waves. Far better to acknowledge our place than rage against it.

Indeed, if we can accept things for what they are rather than what we want them to be, we can often see beauty and find joy in even the most stormy weather.

Today, the wind has died down and the sun is brilliant. I loved our trip to the park and sitting, warming in the sun. It won’t last, of course, but I shall enjoy it while it does. And later? I shall put on my warm coat and wellies and enjoy that day’s manifestation.