Just letting you know that I shan’t be able to do a post this Friday. Tragically, my future daughter-in-law’s mother died and we are heading to the US for the funeral.
I hope to catch up next week.
Much love, Karen
Author: karencostellomcfeat
A Year of Gratitude
Looking back over 2022, one might be forgiven for thinking it a dreadful year: Russia’s invasion of Ukraine; spiralling living and energy costs; Government chaos and daily labour disputes. And these are only the headlines. If all the world is a stage, it seemed that only tragedies were on the playbill.
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat
Yet, if we look back at our own lives, we might find a very different picture. As with the year before, I have kept a gratitude calendar for 2022. Every day is filled with something that I am thankful for. It is not necessarily anything exceptional. It may even be something as small as a sociable meet up at the puppy park or a coffee with a friend. But these events, large or small, all bring delight and in cultivating gratitude, I am also cultivating my capacity for happiness, since:
It is not happiness that brings us gratitude. It is gratitude that brings us happiness.
Anon
Recent studies in neuroscience have shown that this rather folksy saying is absolutely true. Regular practice of gratitude is beneficial for both mental and physical well being. For the science, I suggest you read this excellent article: https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/
So what do I have to be so happy about? It turns out, a great deal.
Friendships
By far the most frequent notes in my calendar are of meetings with friends: a morning coffee or posh birthday tea. Our conversations will roam through subjects of serious content and absolute rubbish and are often punctuated by laughter. Whatever the topic, I am always acutely aware of how grateful I am to have their companionship and that they have taken time to share mine.
Image: Lucy McCance
However, for these meetings to evoke gratitude, we need to be sure that they are not a pity party where we simply swap woes. Of course, friends are there to share our sorrows and our joys and we need to feel free to express both. But if we find that these meetings are all about trials and negativity, it would be wise to ration them. Even the most cheerful amongst us will be dampened by a litany of complaints. And for those resistant to gratitude, reminding them of all they have to be thankful for seldom helps!
Adventure
When we move out of the everyday, we become vulnerable and that vulnerability is the very thing that makes adventure and travel so exciting. Our senses are on high alert and we are consciously looking for memorable information: a stunning view, a delicious scent, a perfect morsel. And the good news is that we needn’t go far to experience this.
We took Mariia and her friend Yana to Birling Gap last week to see the cliffs. The wind was whipping through the air making it hard to even open the car door; storm clouds brooded on the horizon. It was cold. It diminished their enjoyment not one jot. The sheer energy of those elemental forces of air and sea were exhilarating and the girls returned bubbling with joy.
I too love those wild days, not least because I can shelter in the cosy cafe with a hot drink when I get too cold or wet.
We’ve been to Scotland twice last year and it never disappoints. The magnitude of its beauty is humbling and one cannot but feel grateful to experience it.
Celebrations
This year has offered me more than my fair share of celebrations, but the one I am most grateful for is the engagement of my son to the lovely Genevieve. On the day of their engagement party, the weather was exceptionally kind: filled with golden sunshine and warm breezes.
As a parent, our greatest wish is that our children will be happy and find a companion that will enhance their life. I have been twice blessed in this regard – my younger son married to the adorable Kelsee.
Since folks came from far and wide to celebrate with us, we were reminded of the web of family and friendship which supports these relationships. There was so much to be thankful for that day: the kindness of friends who baked cakes; provided chairs, bunting and a gazebos; those who helped prepare and serve refreshments; and of course everyone who came to make the happy couple feel loved and valued. And the wonderful thing about feelings of gratitude is that through memory, they can be evoked again and again.
Valuing the everyday
Gratitude is not just for high days and holy days – it is a way of living where one tries to appreciate all the wonders that this world offers.
Having Mariia living with us has highlighted how much of the ‘everyday’ is precious. Having someone whose parents cannot be certain of an Internet connection, electricity or fuel rather focusses the mind on how valuable these things are. The top two tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs says that we must have the following to survive: food, water, air, shelter, sleep and safety. Those living in Ukraine can only be sure of two – air and food (though prices are rising alarmingly). Water supplies are regularly cut off, shelter is precarious at best, sleep interrupted by shelling and sirens and safety – well, no-one is safe.
Knowing this, I cannot help but be grateful that here all of these are available to us even if not as readily for everyone as I might like.
Making gratitude a way of life
Even if you are feeling a little down after all the excitement of Christmas (especially if you are feeling down) training your mind to find things to be grateful for will bring you significant benefits in the long term. Consistent practice enables us to ‘rewire’ the brain to look for the positive rather than its default mode of the negative. Our outlook will improve and with it our engagement with others; the health benefits are legion and profound. The article that I have listed above gives a number of ways to make gratitude an intentional life practice. It needn’t take long. Just jotting down one thing that you are thankful for each day, no matter how small, will set you on the path. One day, I thought it was the magnificent bloom on my amaryllis.
And I hope that when you come to review 2023, your calendar will be as full of joy as mine.
Season’s Greetings
I imagine that everyone now is in the scurrying around with last minute chores phase. Gift wrapping and cake decorating aside, I think that we are almost there, but tomorrow may bring to light some forgotten tasks.
Since it is the holidays and visitors are due and food needs preparing, I shall take these two weeks off. I shall return on Friday 6 January and hope you will join me then.
Which only leaves me to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a happy and adventure filled New Year.
Much love, Karen xx
Word of the Day – Diversion
‘What does diversion mean?’ Mariia asked from the back seat of the car.
Well, it has multiple meanings, my husband and I replied. In this case, it’s when the road ahead is blocked and you have to take an alternative route to your destination. It’s also used to mean an entertainment, which equally takes you away from the everyday. Then my husband added that it can mean a distraction, as when someone doesn’t want you to know what they are doing: i.e. picking your pocket!
Satisfied, Mariia sat back in the car and enjoyed the beautiful frost coated countryside rushing past the window.
Though snow is nothing new to her, for Jeff and me it was a treat to drive through the stunning Ashdown Forest; each tree branch highlighted in pristine white. It felt like we were travelling through a Christmas card.
An entertaining diversion
Our destination was Standen, one of my favourite National Trust properties in the Arts and Crafts style. We had been meaning to take Mariia on some cultural trips for weeks and had finally found the time. It was all decorated for Christmas and so would be especially stunning.
It certainly didn’t disappoint. Each room was lavishly filled with Christmas greenery and dressed trees. The 1920s were chosen as the decade the family were celebrating Christmas and throughout the house were quotes of family and servant memories, which made the re-enactment of the Beale family celebration feel a little more ‘real’.
Unlike many of the National Trust properties, Standen was always a family home. A wealthy family, without doubt, but it was somewhere that was properly lived in and where children played. As a consequence, it is inviting in a way that other, grander properties are not.
Tour over, we headed to the outbuilding next to the restaurant for lunch with the dog. (When you have a dog, you get used to eating outside or in the less stylish parts of a building.)
As we finished our meal, I glanced out the window and saw snow. How wonderful and magical, I thought. What a perfect end to our perfect day!
Well, not quite.
Taking an alternative route
The drifting flakes soon turned to fat, swirling ones. At three o’clock, we had barely half an hour before dark and our scenic route home was abandoned in favour of a busier, safer one.
The snow continued to fall, heavier now and sticking most effectively to the roads. It was so unexpected, so early in the year, that no gritters had prepared the way for motorists.
By the time we reached the outskirts of the Ashdown Forest, things were looking a bit scary. If we continued, and got stuck, there was no civilisation for miles and we did not fancy spending the night in the car or having an accident. As the tyres struggled to hold the road, my husband made the decision to turn back, get a hotel, and be safe. I’m so glad he did.
A distraction from Christmas busyness
Fortunately, we were close to the very chic village of Forest Row. We parked safely and asked a local for recommendations for somewhere to eat/sleep. They directed us across the road to the most beautiful country inn.
Just as in some romantic Christmas movie, we asked if they had any rooms; holding our breath for their reply. Yes, they had two. We asked if Mariia were happy to come in with us, as they had a fold down bed available. Though we were happy to pay the extra, we knew very well that there would be many to follow us looking for a warm haven. And there were.
Soon folks were stomping in, covered in snow, having abandoned their cars further up the road. Everyone was delighted to find somewhere warm that they could shelter. Everyone was sociable in the way that only seems to occur when overcoming adversity. We shed our usual shyness and talked to one another.
A few were frantic with worry, but almost everyone else was calm and helpful. The chef returned to the pub- despite finishing a busy shift – to ensure that folks could get fed (all the convenience stores had closed). He stood outside for a time in the freezing night air checking that everyone had somewhere to go. If anyone encapsulated the spirit of the season, it was him.
Everyone found a room somewhere in the village – even the couple who arrived at nine pm having walked a mile and a half through the snow from their car. Christmas music filled the air and everything felt festive and right.
For that evening at least, no-one could get on with work or worry about last minute shopping. The WiFi connection was so sketchy that most people simply sat and mused and sipped their drinks. Conversation hummed all around as people struck up new friendships or forged old.
I think it is fair to say that everyone was grateful: for the warmth, the shelter and the nourishment. Even a brief foray into the night reminded us of how desperately vulnerable we are without all three. So our diversion turned into a mini and unplanned holiday that we will certainly remember for years to come. And next time we go to Standen, we’ll check the forecast first.
Be Brave Like Ukraine
Sometimes my ideas for posts come from the strangest places. This one arrived in the mail.
My husband had found a perfect Christmas gift for Mariia, but it had to come from Ukraine. Upon its arrival, she brought it to me puzzled, saying it was addressed to Jeff but had Ukrainian stamps. ‘That’s right,’ I said whisking it away. ‘I’m delighted it’s got here.’ Which is when I noticed the sticker on the back of the envelope.
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat
I doubt I would have thought any more about it except that a few things happened in close order. One was the comment by a chap in the park that the war would be over if the Ukrainians just accepted Russian rule. The second was Macron and Biden’s desire to negotiate with Putin. The third was the underlying rumblings that Ukrainian ‘recalcitrance’ in refusing to back down was causing energy and food supply issues for the West.
The answer I wanted to give all of them was: Be brave like Ukraine!
Since I know that many people share the views above, I’d like to give a little more insight than perhaps is available on the news.
But Ukraine is part of Russia anyway
Unfortunately, this is clearly what the Russians think and I’m sure many others too. Ukraine’s history is a complex one with the region being annexed many times over the centuries. It was home to the Kyivan Rus (Vikings who settled in the area) and was subsequently part of the Polish, Lithuanian, Mongol, Russian and Austro-Hungarian empires.
In 1922, after a brief period of independence, Ukraine became part of the USSR until achieving full independence once more in 1991. This time, the country chose its independence via a democratic referendum. It’s fate was not to be decided by the whims of history, but by the people themselves. And when asked if they wished to become an independent country the answer was an overwhelming yes – with 92.3% in support.
Thirty years on, they clearly wish to remain that way. Russia has deep cultural ties with the area, but I, for one do not believe that trumps a nation’s sovereignty or democratically decided statehood.
For a more in-depth but very easy comprehensible version, please watch the video below.
Time to negotiate?
With the war going on for almost ten months now, there are those who wish to go into negotiations to bring it to an end. Macron seems especially keen and Biden too, given certain provisos. As someone who always prefers peace over war and who is now far too aware of the difficulties and deprivations of those living in Ukraine, I would normally applaud such as progress. Yet the phrase that keeps resounding in my brain is ‘Do not negotiate with terrorists.’
While Russia claims that it feels intimidated by the potential increase in size of of NATO (especially Ukraine gaining membership), its ‘military infrastructure in Europe’ and missiles near its borders (Reuters Dec 5), there is nothing to suggest that Russia has anything to fear from its near neighbours. The contrary, however, cannot be said to be true. Russia has constantly threatened and undermined the individual nationhood of Ukraine with its worst efforts under Stalin who led a state sponsored famine – the Holodomor – resulting in almost four millions deaths. Russia’s invasion is just one incident in a line of many.
When asked to comment on Putin’s security demands, one of Zelenskiy’s aids replied, ‘The world need security guarantees from Russia.’ (Reuters, 5 Dec). Indeed.
A little inconvenience
There is no doubt that the ongoing war in Ukraine is causing major disruption of energy and food supplies. Ukraine is the number one producer of sunflower oil and a major producer of cereals like maize, barley and wheat. It also is a significant producer of steel, which impacts engineering projects. Further, the conflict has resulted in a steep rise in energy prices, since Russia supplies so much to Europe.
The war will cost all of us – though the poor countries reliant on their grain the most. But for those of us in the UK, we are unlikely to suffer too terribly. I appreciate that for many, the increase in fuel bills will be an unwelcome and perhaps final insult to already stretched finances. I do not underestimate that this winter will be hard for many people.
That said, I cannot conceive of how dire a winter in Ukraine will be. With temperatures regularly plummeting to sub zero, how do you manage without any reliable sources of energy at all? Mariia works regular hours on-line, but her colleagues in Ukraine have to work whenever the electricity supply is turned on and they are not sheltering in basements. She is sending thermal underwear to her parents. They have a generator, but it relies on fuel – and that is in short supply.
So what should we do?
Clearly, we can do little to change the situation in Ukraine, but we can follow their example. If we recognise the bravery and resilience of the Ukrainian people in the face of overt aggression, perhaps we can bring a little more courage in the face of adversity in our own lives. Perhaps, we will not be able to fulfil all our desires this Christmas, perhaps we will even have to make some sacrifices, but I hope that we can do this with good grace.
Moreover, I hope that we can continue to support the Ukrainian people in their struggle against a wicked regime. We must not let our own inconvenience lead us to falter and perhaps support measures that ease our lives at the expense of the Ukrainians. Being brave has consequences that are not all positive, yet the consequences for appeasement and accommodation in the long term are far, far worse.
A Proper Thanksgiving
Last Saturday, we did what we seldom do, and had a Thanksgiving dinner. My husband is American and he felt that a celebration was in order. We have much, after all, to be thankful for. I invited my mum, my niece and her husband.
Jeff, Mariia and I laboured in the kitchen for much of the day, but by dividing the tasks and helping one another, it was more joy than chore. Mariia contributed some amazing Ukrainian dishes, Jeff tackled the nut roast and vegetables, and I made the puddings. Keeping everything vegan was a little challenging, but we made it. I even managed a perfectly edible pumpkin pie using silken tofu. Result!
Image: Mariia Matrunich
Thanksgiving is such a delightful holiday in that it has all the hallmarks of Christmas : a meal with loved ones, special foods, the best china and none of the stress. Well, less stress anyway. It is also a reminder to be grateful.
The origins of Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is a peculiarly American celebration, because it honours a significant event in the history of that country. The early settlers, the Pilgrims, were ill-equipped to survive in this new land. They lost half their community in the first winter, with most of them remaining aboard ship and dying of scurvy, exposure or disease.
When they came ashore, they were met by an English speaking Indian who brought his friend, Squanto, a few days later. Squanto was vital to the new settlers. He also spoke English (having been enslaved by an English ship and later having escaped to London from where he found his way home). To the Pilgrims he brought knowledge of local plants – how to tap maple trees and grow crops suitable to American soil. In addition, he helped secure friendly relations with the local tribe: the Wampanoag.
With his and others help, the first harvest was successful and in order to thank them, the Pilgrims invited their new friends to a great feast lasting three days. And thus, Thanksgiving was born. (Source: History.com)
In truth, this famous thanksgiving was not original. For millennia, people have held celebrations at the end of harvest. What made this one iconic was Abraham Lincoln who declared Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November as a national holiday. The story of the early settlers was told and retold and became what we think of Thanksgiving today.
Giving thanks always
Ironically, the American Indians fared terribly following their selfless generosity. Forced migration, which took place over decades, resulted in the mass genocide of Native Indians. For those who have survived, Thanksgiving is not a day of celebration but of sorrow.
Nevertheless, many tribes maintain the spirit of thanksgiving in their ceremonies and in the teaching of their children throughout the year. At the Onondaga Nation school, the week is bookended by a long, structured Thanksgiving Address. The words may vary, but the essentials remain the same.
It begins: Today we have gathered and when we look upon the faces around us we see that the circles of life continue. We have been given the duty to live in balance and harmony with each other and all living things. So now let us bring our minds together as one as we give greetings and thanks to each other at People. Now our minds are one.
(Braiding Sweetgrass, Robin Wall Kimmerer)
A moment of silence is left for the children to agree.
The address then continues to give thanks for each and every aspect of creation from the clean air we breathe to the fish in the waters, the trees and healing herbs. It is long. But as Kimmerer says, why would you complain that you have so many things to be thankful for?
This beautiful video gives a little more information about the address.
And if you would like to know the whole transcript, it is available here: https://danceforallpeople.com/haudenosaunee-thanksgiving-address/
Bounty
The most positive outcome of the address is a sense of bounty. ‘You can’t listen to the Thanksgiving Address without feeling wealthy,’ says Kimmerer. It ‘reminds you that you already have everything you need.’
Thanksgiving need not be saved for a special holiday or in response to a bumper harvest. The natural world gives of itself every day and we are the beneficiaries. In return, we should give it thanks and our protection.
Such an outlook is a refreshing and chastening one for the Western world and our consumer society. People often talk of what they lack, but we seldom remember to celebrate all that we have.
Personal thanks
This year has certainly been an interesting one. On Thanksgiving proper, Mariia took the opportunity to thank us for giving her a home away from danger. My husband and I were touched, but we both feel that she has only added to our lives and not taken anything away.
And that’s the thing with gratitude. When we are truly thankful for what we have, life continues to enrich us. When we feel abundance, we are more inclined to share.
A Breath of Fresh Air
On Monday, when my friend arrived on my doorstep like a leaf blown in by the wind, I asked if she had cycled through the inclement weather. ‘No,’ she said simply, shaking the drops of rain from her waterproof jacket, ‘I walked. I just felt like I needed some fresh air.’
I was impressed. Outside, the wind was whirling; rain hurling itself upon the windows. Yet, I also knew that she had a point. November is seldom viewed as a time to enjoy the outdoors, but perhaps it should be.
A blustery day
Sitting inside, perhaps with the heating on, the air quickly becomes stale. Artificial light, to combat the gloomy skies without, is harsh on our eyes. Through attempting to overcome the ‘unpleasant’ conditions outside, we often make equally unpleasant conditions within if we don’t spend at least part of the day in the natural world.
That same day, I was suffering horribly from brain fog – a sort of listless state where one’s brain literally feels like it is shrouded in a heavy mist. Clear thinking is impossible and a headache hovers at the edges. Reflecting on my friend’s brave venture through the elements, I wondered if a blast of fresh air might help me. So, I took the dog out to the back garden, wrapped myself up well and sat in the shed with the door wide open to throw her ball.
We live at the top of a hill on the South Downs, so the wind has no obstacle before my back garden. At times, I thought the doors would be taken off their hinges or that Hermione might be lifted into the air. The sheer noise of the wind was deafening. But it was also exhilarating.
Image: Khamkeo Vilaysing on Unsplash
Forty-five minutes of its buffeting left Hermione exhausted and happy and me completely free of my fog. The wind’s crazy, tousling madness had blown my lethargy clean away.
Learning to love the inclement
As the week progressed, these conditions continued, and I had to take the dog to the park and to exercise in the garden. Properly dressed, I discovered to my delight, that these expeditions into the rather wild elements were far from miserable. In fact, they were simply exhilarating.
For most of my life, November has been the month I dreaded: the dark annexing more and more of the day; damp and cold insinuating itself into every crevice. It was simply to be endured until the more festive month of December. But this year, I am seeing its virtues.
I am not the only one. John Clare’s poem, ‘November’ is a wonderful homage to this unpredictable and wild month. Below is a segment of the poem:
Sybil of months, and worshipper of winds, I love thee, rude and boisterous as thou art; And scraps of joy my wandering ever finds Mid thy uproarious madness—
I too have found ‘scraps of joy … mid thy uproarious madness’, because being in these elemental conditions awakens something elemental in ourselves. A student of mine said that he likes nothing better than walking in nature in torrential rain. I now think I know why.
Weathering the storm
When my sister’s children were young, she lived some distance from the school and so took them there by car. My niece was about ten years old when she first walked to school in the rain. She thought it was brilliant.
Image: Marcus Woodbridge on Unsplash
I’m not suggesting that we trudge through rain at every opportunity (and certainly not without appropriate gear) but dealing with literally stormy weather can help us learn to deal with the metaphorical kind. Resilience, like everything else, is learned. We cannot acquire it overnight. Through introducing ourselves to more manageable difficulties, surviving or even thriving through them, we adapt to change and complications more readily. This is at the heart of the Wim Hof cold method. When you can sit in an ice bath for several minutes, there is probably not much than will faze you.
Further, tackling difficult conditions reminds us that life is difficult. We should not expect some ideal that is far from reality. Which then begs the question: What is ideal?
Perception is all
What is perfect for you is unlikely to be perfect for me. My illness means that temperatures over 70 degrees cause me to melt and my faculties to go into sleep mode; for others, it is approaching the sublime.
Further, it is the way that we perceive that colours our judgment. We, as humans, tend to view rain, wind and cold as bad weather. As the brilliant writer, Henry Beston points out, that is our mistake. Nature has no interest in our categories. When considering the more ‘negative’ elements in nature, he says, ‘It is true there are some grim arrangements. Beware of judging them by whatever human values are in style. As well expect Nature to answer to your human values as to come into your house and sit in a chair.’ (The Outermost House)
We are in nature and of nature and learning to accept our rather microscopic position in the cosmos is generally advisable for good mental health. We no more control the weather than King Cnute managed to control the waves. Far better to acknowledge our place than rage against it.
Indeed, if we can accept things for what they are rather than what we want them to be, we can often see beauty and find joy in even the most stormy weather.
Today, the wind has died down and the sun is brilliant. I loved our trip to the park and sitting, warming in the sun. It won’t last, of course, but I shall enjoy it while it does. And later? I shall put on my warm coat and wellies and enjoy that day’s manifestation.
Be more dog!
Living with a little furry friend has been an enlightening experience and the more I ponder on what a dog brings to my life, the more I realise that they are the ultimate teachers. Forget all the self-help manuals, the life-style magazines and podcasts. All that is necessary for a successful and contented life is to found in the behaviours of our canine friends. For the world to be a kinder and happier place, we should do one thing: be more dog.
Keeping your needs small
So much of our lives are spent in acquiring things that we don’t really require and exhausting ourselves in the process. Of course, everyone enjoys a little luxury now and then, but if we take a cue from our four legged friends, we will see that what we actually need is very little indeed : a secure home, regular, healthy meals, exercise, lots of affection and a nap when we’re worn out. I appreciate that even the above is not available to everyone, but if we have the benefit of the above, perhaps we can spare a little time and money to ensure that it is there for others too.
Dogs do not require designer gear or cupboards full of toys. They take what they find and make them into forms of entertainment. Hermione has had more fun with a flower pot (which she rather annoyingly obtains by removing the plant within) than any number of high tech gizmos. And of course, a ball. Every dog needs a ball.
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat
A healthy routine
Dogs and humans need plenty of exercise. Hermione has about two hours a day of walk and garden play plus anything else she can wangle. (I tried to wear her out once, but after four and a half hours outside, gave up!) Since I am unable to take her on long rambles on the Downs, I take her to the puppy park, where she can run and I can sit if needed. This time of year, the weather is seldom kind, yet we both benefit from the rush of fresh air and being immersed in natural surroundings. For Hermione, that means endless opportunities to sniff and explore the tree-lined perimeter; for me, it means time to watch the play of light across the sky and observe the ever-changing configurations of the clouds.
More often than not, friends arrive to share news. The dogs run around, or get fussing from other humans or snuggle on laps. Their owners reconnect with the world – for some this may be their first or only social interaction – but for everyone it is a period without phones, or tasks or diaries. We are there with our dogs and that is all we have to concentrate on for that hour.
A greater luxury still is the walks I can take on holiday, deep in woodland and ‘far from the madding crowd’. The level, even walks mean that I can walk further. With no traffic nearby, Hermione can range freely.
A controlled diet
Hermione, like most active spaniels, has a good appetite, so we have to be careful to feed her just what she needs and no more. We have a local butcher who provides her with the best dog food (at a very reasonable price) and with her dry food at night, all her nutritional needs are met. She eats her vegetables and drinks water.
Sadly, I have not yet managed to control my diet quite as well. Life without caffeine seems too hard and life without the odd sweet treat unbearable. However, I know that my body would thank me for such discipline.
Love and loyalty
There is a reason for the phrase, ‘A man’s best friend is his dog,’ because no human being could display the level of love and loyalty that a dog does. But perhaps we could try.
Hermione expresses nothing but joy every time that you return to her life (even is it is just after going to the bathroom). And who doesn’t like feeling loved? Though she makes no complaint when you leave her for a while, she waits patiently for your return and holds no grudge for you ‘abandoning’ her for an hour or two.
Whether you have just gone up the stairs to fetch something, or needed to go out to a place where dogs are not allowed, she waits eagerly for your return.
A dog’s capacity for forgiveness is also exceptional. Being a small dog, who routinely gets tangled in my legs and who, I’m sorry to say, I sometimes tread on, she is endlessly forgiving. She may give a look that says, ‘Why did you do that?’ but a pat or a belly rub soon reassures her that it was an accident and you meant no harm. If we could show such a level of forgiveness for other’s mistakes and foibles, the world would surely be a better place.
Sometimes you just need a nap
Unlike many dogs, Hermione is not especially good at sleeping through the day. There are far too many adventures to be had. However, when she is tired, she takes a nap. We can learn much from a dog’s sense of work/life balance. When we are working, we should approach it will vigour and enthusiasm; when we need to rest and recover, we should. I know that our world frowns on such indulgences, but we are only kidding ourselves that we are productive when we are exhausted. With fatigue being such a large element of my life, I am all too aware of how just plain badly I function when I should be resting. If I listen to my body, however, take a short spell to fully relax and start again, everything gets done efficiently and well.
Of course, there are some doggy behaviours that are perhaps best avoided and I’m sure you know the ones I mean. Sexually active dogs make teenagers look restrained and aggressive dogs can be scary (though more often than not, their aggression stems from mistreatment rather than an innate tendency to violence).
Those aside, the dogs I know are friendly and welcoming, eager for attention, curious and energetic. They live in the moment without effort – a feat that Zen masters take years to attain. Perhaps of all their traits, this is the most wonderful. Dogs find joy in every aspect of their world – living with neither worry for the future nor regret for the past. If nothing else, surely this is worth emulating.
Heaven is in the Highlands
As you leave the Lowlands and enter the Highlands, the landscape becomes more elemental. Rolling, cultivated hills are replaced with bleak moorland interlaced with fiercely running streams and tiny waterfalls. At the roadside, the hewn pink and grey granite is visible, great slabs of pre-history.
The landscape takes on the strange geometry of a turtle’s back; small mounds intersected by pathways worn by water. The thought of breaking down is terrifying, for there is no shelter here, only the rust red bracken and heather low to the ground.
Yet, proceed a little further north and it changes once again. Replacing the barren hills are now endless forests wearing their autumn hues: flaring copper beech trees; pale gold birch leaves fluttering against their ghost-white trunks; ranks of pine in every shade of green. The colours rivalling Joseph’s dream-coat.
And overlooking all are the mountains, the Cairngorms.
There are many beautiful landscapes in this country of ours, yet this, in its wildness, is by far our favourite and worth the fifteen hours of driving it takes to reach.
Arrivals
We arrived late on Saturday, ready to relax and enjoy our visit. Sadly, the cottage we’d booked fell well below expectations. It looked as though it had been furnished from a charity shop in the 1970s, had views on two sides of a garage and outbuilding and stairs so steep and dangerous that my husband decided we had to leave on the morrow. I’m not great with stairs at the best of times and these would be precarious indeed.
We found another hotel and were delighted to have done so. It called itself a ‘Wildlife Hotel’, which I thought was just marketing speak for being in the Cairngorms National Park. But they were true to their name. There were daily nature based activities, a library filled with books on birds and the local wildlife, and a lobby that played birdsong rather than muzak. Perfect.
Sharing the hotel with a group of keen ornithologists made us more aware of the birds we saw. I think I spotted a flock of bramblings, above, at the Clava Cairns. They were tiny little things feasting on the beech nuts that had fallen from the trees. But whatever their name, they were adorable.
Visiting the reindeer
One of the reasons we decided to visit at this time of year was that there would be reindeer in the paddock. The Cairngorms contains the only herd of wild reindeer in Britain, but sadly, they live high on the mountains for most of the year. In the autumn and spring (the rutting and birthing seasons), however, a few are selected to come down to the paddocks where those who are unable to hike the hills can see them.
They are gentle, shy beasts and though we were unable to walk among them, we were given a very close view.
As they were being fed at the time of our visit, we asked the herder about his job and the reindeer. It was a very personalised visit, as we were the only ones there!
Water, water everywhere
Across from the reindeer centre is Loch Morlich – a huge expanse of water fringed with woodland. Walking some of its perimeter in the fragrant pine forest is a glorious, multi-sensory experience. The wind whispers through the trees; the pine exudes its clean scent; the ground beneath crinkles as one pushes through the fallen leaves; the air tastes fresh as chewing gum and the view is a magical combination of leaf and moss and sparkling water.
Forest bathing has long been practised as a way to find peace. For me, the enclosure of the trees not only brings a spiritual calm but takes me right out of the world itself into a timeless, mystical place. Time simultaneously collapses and expands. There is only that moment and that moment is part of eternity.
It was perhaps less of a spiritual experience for the dog, but she loved it all the same. In her exuberance, she raced through the trees, jumped in the burns, ran circles on the beach and chased the ducks into the water until she realised quite how cold it was. This is doggy heaven too.
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat
The water runs down from the mountains, but often from the sky. We managed to avoid the wet weather and only experienced a few, light showers. Yet, rain aside, what the water brings is magnificent. Perhaps getting a little wet now and then is not such a great price to pay.
On the left, rain so fine that it is barely visible. In the centre, the river at Carrbridge and on the right one of the many burns that are everywhere.
A little culture
Though there is not much that can lure us away from nature, any cultural stops in nature are just fine. We revisited Culloden, a place of such sadness that it emanates from the very soil. Having dutifully wandered the modern and well presented museum, we caught the tail end of a guided walk. The leader was young and exceptionally well informed and made the whole tragic tale of the Jacobite rebellion finally come clear.
Jeff then found a Highland mystery set in the area, The Bookseller of Inverness , which further explained the consequences to the Highlands of that fateful battle. It is a gripping read that helps fill out the dry facts of history.
A trip to the Highlands is not complete without a castle, so we signed up to a walk led by a heritage guide to visit the newly restored Blairfindy Castle. It’s more of a fortified house than a castle, but fascinating all the same. Today it is used as a sanctuary for birds and bats, with boxes nestling in the ancient walls. I love that its purpose now is to protect nature rather than repel raiders.
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat
Friendly faces
No trip is enjoyable if the locals are not welcoming and the Highlands are exceptional in this regard. One is always greeted on walks and treated with kindness and friendliness in shops and restaurants. For somewhere so far removed from anything, it is a remarkably cosmopolitan place. We met folks from all over the world who married Scots or who arrived here and never went home. Due to the Clearances and the lack of economic opportunities in the area, there are sadly not so many natives, but those who have chosen to live here have done so because they love its unique qualities and that leads to a very happy population.
We also received a warm Scottish welcome from my adorable aunt and uncle, who invited us for a delicious lunch and visit on our way there. It may be a long way to drive, but it also affords us the opportunity to see relatives we might not otherwise be able to see.
Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat
Our return journey gave us the chance to catch up with my dear university friend, Liz, and her husband, Peter, in East Anglia. They had organised a fabulous dinner party including my old cello teacher who had moved to the area (long story!)
There are those whose ideal holiday involves sipping cocktails on a Caribbean beach; others shopping in a large city. But me? Stomping through the woods in my wellies is my idea of heaven.
On Holiday!
Greetings from the Highlands.
We’re back in our favourite place and already almost at the end of our stay. We came here with every expectation of rain and biting cold and so packed an abundance of books, art supplies and journals. We would settle in by the fire, hot chocolate in hand, and get creative.
But, as our national poet once said, “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.”
Yet, sometimes things not going to plan can be the best result of all. Bar a few rainy showers, we have been blessed with sunshine and in the glories of autumn could not possibly remain inside any longer than necessary. So, we have been out and about once again, taking our explorations one layer deeper and having wonderful adventures.
We have discovered new castles, heard a talk by famous a TV presenter, lived like royalty and immersed ourselves in this spectacular location.
I shall be sharing the highlights with you next week, but until then: Mar sin leat an-dràsta : good-bye for now.