This is a question I often ask myself (whilst worrying away) and thought I would go ahead and explore it here. Living with precarious health brings constant anxiety. The Corona virus and world craziness is adding more still. I suspect that most of us are worried at the moment – and now seemed a good time to see if it had any real purpose.
Everyday worry is often harmless enough, but we all need to guard against it becoming a major facet of our lives. Unchecked, it results in debilitating mental and physical health. Worry is so normal that we think we know it, yet, I would argue that it is more complex than we imagine.
Magical thinking
Worry, at its heart, is fear about unfortunate outcomes in the future. It is about losing control, since no-one knows the future.
Mark Twain famously remarked:
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
Mark Twain
The irony is, as Twain jokes, most of those dreaded outcomes never actually come into being and our worry brings us nothing but sleepless nights.
However, this phenomenon can feed into a kind of magical thinking. We can, if we are not careful, come to associate the not happening as a result of our worry. Sounds crazy, but it has a sort of insane logic. If, the brain faultily reasons, I worried about something and it didn’t happen then my worrying prevented it. Should I stop worrying and something bad happens, this confirms my belief. Parents are perhaps the worst offenders in this (mea culpa). We come to believe that our very worrying is what keeps our child safe, so we keep on worrying to the detriment of our health and perhaps theirs.
Virtue signalling
Perhaps the most pernicious sort of worrying is the one used to suggest that you care. How often do we hear people say they are ‘so worried’ about x,y, or z and yet we see nothing in their behaviour to suggest that their worry would translate into any action. How often do we see celebrities who ‘worry’ about the environment and then travel by private jet to a climate change conference?
The unfortunate irony is that they probably do worry and thus use valuable mental and physical energy on the matter. But worry without action is detrimental to everyone. We may gain a little kudos from our peers for our seeming concern, but the issue is not resolved and at some level we feel ashamed of our own inability to act. Our worry brings no positive outcomes at all.
However, if we worry about something and act upon it, our worry lessons. The issue may well be far beyond our capabilities to solve, but any steps we take to ameliorate it inevitably brings us back a sense of control and self-worth. No individual can save the planet; however, if we make a conscious decision to tread as lightly as we can, we will feel empowered by that. Similarly, if a friend is unwell/unhappy and we visit, our worry is dissipated by the joy of reunion. We may not be able to make our friend better in the physical sense, but we will certainly have made them feel better emotionally.
The price of worry
Worry is the socially acceptable form of anxiety, but we can tip from one to the other with surprising ease. The mind is like a cooking pot filled with everyday concerns, but it only has so much capacity. As we burden it with more and more, it is like both filling the pot and turning up the heat. Eventually, it will boil over.
For some, like returning soldiers from a war zone, the source of their stress will be obvious. But severe anxiety affects even those with the most comfortable lives. By catastrophizing over minor and fairly insignificant events, a similar level of anxiety can be achieved.
Whatever the cause, the effects of anxiety are extreme. In some cases, it will trigger long term health conditions like my own; in others, it will lead to levels of distress that makes life mentally unbearable. Hopefully, neither of these apply to you, but we are wise to work towards ensuring that they never do.
Keeping worry under control
Worry is about helplessness in the face of the future. Though we can’t do much about the future, we can do much to improve our present. We can embark on practices that work towards restoring calm: whether that be meditation, prayer, yoga or any other centring activity. Ideally, we need to do this daily, since worry takes so little time to take hold.
We might like to take stock of what triggers our anxiety. Anything that feeds on our fears and insecurities is not good for us and should, as far as possible, be eliminated. Currently, the media seems determined to whip their audience into a frenzy of outrage. And though this brings a certain frisson of excitement, it also destabilizes us. Acts of extreme injustice, inflammatory language and exaggeration may make good television, but not happy watchers. I’m going on a news fast for the foreseeable future. Anything truly vital will filter through via my husband or friends – the rest I can do without.
Social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter can also be a source of worry with people posting inflammatory comments and others thoughtlessly replying. If we submerge ourselves too much in these, we are likely to have a very poor and very frightening view of the world.
And it is not just in the virtual world that we are susceptible. Our friends and family members can also feed our worry. Though I would not advocate cutting these people out of our lives, a little judicious use of social distancing might be in order. We can come armed with interesting topics of conversation to avoid being derailed into their current concerns or simply change the subject when the conversation starts spiralling down a rabbit hole. If this does not work, try to only see them when you feel you can face that level of anxiety. You are not obliged to act as a sponge to their fears – it is unlikely to help them and you even less.
Choosing the right response
Though we have precious little control over the lives of others, and little enough over our own, we do have control over how we respond. Nurturing resilience – or inner strength – will enable us to react calmly even in chaos. By practising disciplines which slow our responses and allow space for measured and thoughtful action will benefit us and our community.
Accepting our limitations is another way to reduce worry. We need to make ourselves comfortable resting within uncertainty (life). We need to let go of the illusion that we are in control. In doing so, paradoxically, we gain control – not of events (though it may influence these) but of our emotions.
And finally, we would be wise to consider what we can do and if possible do it. For this we need time to research and reflect. Often the problems we see are rooted somewhere else entirely. Let us seek out the root and make repairs there. There is so much we can do quietly and purposefully.
Whilst concern will spur us on, worry often leaves us rowing in circles. It is time to charter a new course. After all, to answer the question, What’s the use of worrying? I’d have to reply, no use at all.