The Space Between

Last Sunday, I experienced a wonderful example of synchronicity at my Quaker meeting. Having completely overdone it all week (and several of the weeks before), I was feeling exhausted and emotionally depleted. My desire to complete The Artist’s Way course properly meant that a further one to two hours needed to be found in my day to meet all my commitments. Yet, exhaustion meant my early rising was becoming less manageable and my routine of meditation and yoga was being squashed into the margins of the day. Something was going to have to give.

The meeting, itself a much needed source of quiet and reflection, was opened with a section of poetry. It went like this:

What makes a fire burn
is space between the logs,
a breathing space.
Too much of a good thing,
too many logs
packed in too tight
can douse the flames
almost as surely 
as a pail of water would.

From 'Fire' by Judy Brown

We all nodded, listened again and went on to our own thoughts on the matter. I suspect that everyone of us was aware of how our lives attempt to contain ‘too much of a good thing’. Our fear of missing out often resulting in our missing everything. (In my case, because I’ve spent the day resting or in bed.)

Making space

How do we make space when there are endless demands on our time and equally endless things to do and explore? This question has haunted me throughout the week. But I want to do everything; have a full social calendar; be creative; be Zen – my child self complains. And though popular culture suggests that ‘having it all’ is the most natural goal in the world, real life quickly reminds us otherwise.

The non-negotiables

Our first task in moving towards a more manageable life-style must surely begin with list of things that we absolutely have to do. These are what I consider the non-negotiables. Mine include all those activities that ensure I maintain optimal health for my condition. These include:

• Sufficient sleep and rest time (ten hours per day) – yup, not a lot of day left already!
• Yoga
• Meditation
• Cooking and meals
• Personal hygiene and health care

Next, I’m going to add those other necessary activities:

• Exercising Hermione
• Maintaining a home
• Down-time at the end of the day
• Communicating with others
• Work and volunteering

I’m now at 18.5 hours!

Things I absolutely want to do!

• The Artist’s Way and creative work
• Social activities

This leaves me with about 1 hour leeway for unexpected events like notifying everyone of my son’s engagement. It has proven a rather enlightening (if depressing exercise). But it is one that, should you also be finding yourself frazzled by the end of the day, might be worth doing.

We all have the same twenty-four hours and most of us have some control over how we spend them. Much as I’d like to make my day more elastic, wishing will not make it so.

Even with the wriggle room of holidays and weekends to catch up on housework, gardening and chores, we need to be careful to keep some of that time available for what it is meant for – a proper rest.

Space invaders

With so little time to do everything that needs to be done, we simply cannot afford to have others siphon away any of it. All our time is precious, so if we are constantly bombarded by those wishing an audience, we need to politely and firmly say no.

If, like me, this is really hard, we can make a mental check on the time available and say, I just have x minutes. I’d love to hear your news, but after that I need to go/get on. The same applies to phone calls. For persistent offenders, try to communicate by text. They can only write so much and you at least can read it at your leisure!

We are often pressured into attending events for which we have little appetite, but again, we should not be. It isn’t necessary to pretend to be busy or to justify our position. We can still be polite and decline. Perhaps the best answer was spoken by the inimitable Bartleby the Scrivener who when asked to perform unwelcome tasks said, ‘I would prefer not to.’

I really need to practise all of these.

Space to grow

Of course, the space between referred to in the poem above, refers to much more than simply finding time to do all the things we love. It means finding the space to grow and develop into our best selves. Those who garden know that planting too closely results in stunted or failing crops. Only when we have room to explore, to branch out, can we hope to thrive.

Further, when we have sufficient oxygen to burn brightly, we can share that fire with others, whether in direct action or an enthusiastic welcome to the world. Our energy can energise others creating a virtuous cycle of positivity. So if you think that finding space for yourself is selfish, think again. It is probably the kindest and most useful thing you can do for others.