In Praise of the Ordinary

At one of my book group meetings, we were asked who we admired most – living or dead. What followed were the usual replies: Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King … Without doubt, all of these deserved our utmost respect for both their courage and compassion. But when it came to my turn, I said, ‘The church ladies’. A slightly uncomfortable pause followed. If I could have seen the thought bubbles around the room, they would have read: ‘Who? ‘What?’ ‘Why them?’

So I explained. While I admired all the other folks they mentioned, I especially admired the ones who never received any public recognition and very little reward. I wanted to recognise them.

When my children were tiny, I attended and later ran the Mums and Toddlers group in the church hall. It was open to everyone and provided a haven for me on Wednesday mornings. We were made hot cups of tea; the children were entertained and we had a chance to relax and chat with other mums. This was possible because of the ‘church ladies’ who came each week to brew and wash up, drag out toys and take the register.

A place to play : Image Markus Spiske on Unsplash

These kind souls performed innumerable other tasks throughout the week. As my children grew, they offered age related services from Sunday school to youth group. Though they taught Christian values, they never proselytised. They taught instead the invaluable lesson of gracious giving, a model of love through action.

And in these extraordinary times, I would like to thank those other, ordinary people who are often overlooked, though their contribution to our well-being is immense.

My first is the refuse collectors. While listening to the news one day recently, the presenter said that they were hoping to maintain regular collections. For a moment, I was panic struck. What if they didn’t? With these warm days, rubbish would soon begin to fester, vermin would multiply, further diseases would manifest themselves on top of the current virus.

Thank goodness for the refuse collectors! Image: Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

Only when faced with their loss did I fully appreciate their presence. Our health and well-being relied on this humble occupation. I asked my husband to put a wee note on the bins to say thank you. It seemed the least we could do.

My second group is also one which is almost universally overlooked, yet fundamental to the functioning of any town. These are the council workers – often overworked, certainly underpaid and generally the butt of jokes. Their roles are seldom glamorous and historically, they have not been seen as especially helpful. Like any office, there will be the ‘computer says no’ types, but the majority are doing their best with limited resources of both time and money.

Volunteering with the Citizens Advice has given me a much better insight into the insurmountable task these people are given. The Corona virus has intensified pressures, causing job losses in the town and increasing the need for public assistance. And it was through CitA that I discovered that the local Job Centre had processed a staggering 3,000 Universal Credit applications in record time. In their efforts to keep the wait for benefits as low as possible (it’s already five weeks after processing) they worked overtime and through the bank holiday. I doubt that their efforts will hit the headlines nor that the recipients would have any clue of the sacrifices made on their behalf, but I do, and so now do you.

A different way to shop: Image: Guiseppe Argenziano on Unsplash

And lastly, I want to thank everyone who is keeping us fed from the farmers to supermarket shop assistants – especially the shop assistants. While media inches were spent (quite rightly) on the dearth of PPE for medical staff, shop assistants were asked each and every day to encounter hundreds of customers with no protection at all. Though this has improved, I doubt it is perfect.

Since I am self-isolating, we shop online and our deliveries come at the most varied times – sometimes as late as ten in the evening. We always make sure to thank the drivers, who are invariably cheery and polite, despite it being the end of a long day.

So my request to you is this. When standing outside on Thursday evening applauding the valiant efforts of the NHS, I ask you to clap for all the others who quietly go about their tasks and whose commitment and diligence make such a contribution to our lives.

Whenever possible, by a note or a friendly wave, thank those who help us. Feeling valued goes a long way to alleviating the stress and difficulty of any job.

And lastly, when the crisis is over, let us all champion those who have served us in these difficult times. These ordinary people are the foundations of our society just as the church ladies were the foundation of the church. We can take their efforts for granted or we can truly applaud them by making sure they are recompensed with fair pay and decent working conditions. We depend on them; let’s make sure that they can depend on us.

Celebrating During Corona

A few days ago, I celebrated my birthday. It was not the usual extended festivities involving coffee dates, lunch and afternoon tea. It was not even an ‘at home’ with friends popping in and out and consuming vast quantities of tea and cake. Instead, it was something much quieter and from which I ventured no further than my front door.

Was this a disappointment or a sorry affair? Not at all. I had a joyful few days and felt incredibly spoiled and loved (just as one should on one’s birthday). It was different, certainly, but no less wonderful.

What made this birthday extra special and memorable was the incredible creativity and flexibility of friends in the face of adversity. The Blitz spirit is clearly alive and well.

Socialising from a distance

Though I seriously miss not being able to hug anyone, I haven’t missed good company. Some friends came and sat in the sunshine in my front garden; others came to the door, then stepped several yards back to chat. Those further away were in touch via video calls and my son and his girlfriend did a brilliant rendition of Happy Birthday on her new Mexican clay flute (ocarina).

This virus has, if nothing else, brought us back to the essentials. Big parties, luxurious meals and outings are wonderful – and I hope to enjoy them again soon – but they are not necessary to show that we care. All we need to do for that is to turn up: in the real or the virtual world.

Make, do and mend

Since many of my friends are themselves isolating, or at least trying to go out as little as possible, obtaining something as simple as a birthday card becomes a problem. I’m delighted to say that this hindered no-one. I received many skilful cards: some were recycled prettily, some were painted or created from craft materials at hand. All were beautiful. I couldn’t include every one in the picture below, so I’ve included an array that display an amazing breadth of ingenuity from kirigami, spoof CDs to original art works.

Some people are just too talented. Cards clockwise: Jenny Ellis, Jenny Timberlake, Jane Cockburn, Penny Smith and Jeff Costello-McFeat Photo: Karen Costello-McFeat

That’s all very well for the artistically gifted, I hear you say. But talent is an optional extra. I had one brilliant card from a college friend who wrote Happy Birthday Karen on the front and then drew a square below which read ‘Space for picture (if I had any artistic talent)’! There is the option too for colouring (adult style) as with Penny’s above or recycling an old card with a new backing. The possibilities really are endless.

Made with love

If cards were hard to come by, gifts were almost impossible. None of the usual shops were open and choices at supermarkets strictly limited. Of course, one could shop on-line to find thoughtful presents, and many did, but others went further still to make gifts that I will treasure for many years to come.

Precious gifts made with love: cake bag, Jane Belcher, music box, Jeff Costello-McFeat, apron, Jenny Timberlake and knitted socks, Maija Rozentale. Photo: Karen Costello-McFeat

All the above required a considerable amount of skill and effort and that, in addition to their bespoke qualities, made them especially valuable to me.

We are not all, unfortunately, experts at craft, but finding perfect gifts even under lock-down is possible for everyone. We can buy local. I received some delicious honey from a friend whose neighbour is a bee keeper. We can pick some flowers from the garden or pot up some seedlings that will make a joyful display in the weeks to come. We can bake cakes or other goodies that we know our friends love. We can even venture into the amazing world of YouTube where it is possible to discover how to make absolutely anything. I’ve been making beeswax wraps with my husband recently and I hope the recipients of these enjoy them as much as we enjoyed making them.

Potted and ready to grow! From my green-fingered friend Sue Moorton Photo: Karen Costello-McFeat

Seeds, seedlings and young plants are always a great gift and when finances are tight, as they are for many at the moment, an affordable option. Generosity is measured not in the amount that we spend but the time/thought that we spend. At least for me!

Same again next year?

It is quite possible that some restrictions will be in place next year. We can chafe at this, or we can embrace it. Either way, we cannot control the spread of the virus nor the steps needed to contain it.

If you had explained the current situation to me a few months ago, I would have baulked at the impossibility of having any satisfactory social life under such conditions and predicted a miserable birthday. How wrong I would have been. In the true spirit of ‘making the best of things’, my friends have proven that with determination and imagination, external events need not bring us down. On the contrary, they have demonstrated that overcoming obstacles brings the sweetest victory.