Flower Friday

As someone who frequently suffers, like Winnie the Pooh, from having ‘Very Little Brain’, I have to create mnemonics to help me remember all the tasks that running a household involves. Since I have A LOT of houseplants, I decided to nominate Fridays for watering them. So far this seems to be working. When I exclaimed that my plants needed attention because is was Flower Friday, my husband assumed that it was thing: a day to give and receive flowers. What a lovely idea, I thought. And nothing is a ‘thing’ until we make it one. So here’s my suggestion, that on Fridays, we give our attention to flowers. Perhaps we remember to water them, or to make an arrangement or give a bouquet, large or small, to someone we care about. And of course, we are not restricted to Fridays. Every day gives an opportunity to celebrate flowers.

**A host of golden daffodils** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

The power of potted plants

Much has been written about the benefits of filling your home with plants, so I thought I would check what the medical website, WebMD, had to say about it. Plants, it seems, are mini medics acting as air filters purifying the air of dust and pollutants whilst simultaneously increasing humidity and oxygen levels. Most of us know that plants improve mood and help us relax, but I was astonished to discover how they also improve our concentration levels and academic performance. ‘Students in classrooms with three potted plants performed better on math, spelling, reading, and science tests than kids in classrooms without any greens.’ (WebMD) Perhaps, rather than filling our schools with smart boards, we should be filling them with plants!

**Spider plants are back!** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

In addition, they have important healing powers: improving both our mental and physical wellbeing. Bringing flowers to someone in a hospital bed does more than add a little colour to the ward. ‘Researchers found that people who had surgery got better faster if they had plants in their room or even a view of the nature from their window. They also tolerated pain better and needed fewer medications when surrounded by greenery.’ (https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/ss/slideshow-health-benefits-houseplants) With so much to offer for so little effort and cost, I now feel justified in getting some more.

Garden flowers

The last week or so the weather has been exceptionally fine and almost warm, so I take my breakfast out to the garden each morning. With the arrival of spring, my garden has erupted into a blaze of yellows, purples and whites and it would be churlish not to enjoy every minute of this magnificent display.

**Breakfast on the bench. An ideal way to start the day!**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

And for me, gardens are the first point of welcome to my home. By planting lots of flowers on the path to our doors, we are making a celebration of each visitor. Though we are seldom able to spend a lot of time in our front gardens, we can still provide some colour to passers-by. I know that I enjoy the gardens of others and hope that they enjoy mine.

**Friendly flower greetings** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Flowers and friendship

Flowers have always been tied to friendship and love. They are readily portable beauties that are meant to be shared. Though relatively inexpensive, they are much more certain to induce joy than even more expensive gifts. Simply put, flowers make us happy and the science backs this up. Giving flowers doesn’t have to be tied to a special occasion. In fact, the unexpected bouquet is often the most precious.

We don’t even need to buy them. If you are blessed with an abundance in the garden, take some each time you visit a friend. Tied with a simple ribbon, they look complete. Even if you don’t have a garden or florist shop nearby, tiny flowers from the verges are beautiful too. Daisies, buttercups, wild violas, pink campions and grasses have a delicate allure. Size does not matter. Some of my favourite arrangements are of tiny flowers set in little glass containers. A group of three makes a pleasing tableau.

**Tiny flowers; big impact**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Pass it on

Another wonderful way to share is to give seedlings or cuttings of flowers. Friends often give me such things and more often than not they grow into majestic plants lasting several seasons. One friend gave me a tiny rose pelargonium, which now fills two large garden pots. Since these delightfully scented geraniums are hard to find, I’ve taken cuttings too and passed them on. There is something especially delightful in conjuring plants from nothing and in enjoying the fruits of someone’s nurturing.

This cutting of an angel winged begonia was a surprise gift.

My spider plant’s ‘babies’ have colonised many parts of my home and those of friends. And I have become less shy in asking for a cutting of a particularly pretty shrub. After all, we can all spare a little twig!

Fridays are for flowers

Tomorrow I shall need to do my watering and compost the old arrangements and make some new ones. It is a weekly ritual that never fails to raise my spirits. I hope that you will find time for flowers this Friday too. Whether you give them or receive them, may they bring you joy.

Far from the Madding Crowd

Holidays are always an excellent time to reflect on how we live. When else do we have the time to muse on such matters? Every time I get away, even for a short visit, I try to think of how the new location can give me inspiration on how to live my life when I return. My recent trip to the Highlands is no exception. It has highlighted how important it is to step out of the manmade into the natural world; how a cheery greeting can raise our spirits; that we are only a tiny part of the great and ancient world we inhabit and how the magical surrounds us.

**Moors and mountains** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Strangers welcome

The Highlands are unusual in this populated isle in that they offer one of the few truly wild landscapes. Moorland and mountains stretch as far as the eye can see and often, a tumbled-down croft is the sole indication that people once resided here. Yet it is simultaneously a sociable and welcoming place. Weave along the excellent roads for a while and you will arrive in a pretty little village where folks are exceptionally sociable. Here, you can expect a friendly wave and greeting; in cities, you can barely expect eye contact. Perhaps the reason for this is that in such a harsh environment, you have to depend on, and be nice to your neighbours. Or perhaps the lack of people makes company a welcome thing. Or perhaps the Highland Scots, bathed in daily beauty, are an unusually friendly bunch.

A natural retreat

Few things soothe the body and mind better than time spent outside. Despite the rather chilly temperatures, we spent as much time outdoors as possible. The result? An excellent night’s sleep and a mind filled with nothing but fresh air. For me, woodland is my happy place. I suspect that all the months my mum parked my pram under a tree in the garden while she got on with the housework started this. And a fractious baby is unlikely to stay that way long with the scent of leaves, the soothing effect of green and the pleasing symmetry of the fractals of leaves. As for adults, the positive health benefits of forest bathing have been well documented. In the forest, our inner child becomes ascendant.

**Into the woods** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Eye spy

Of course, part of the delight of exploring the natural world is in discovering its denizens. On the walk above, I spotted an osprey resting high above in the limbs of a dead tree. Later I discovered clumps of giant snowdrops and daffodils still encased in spears of green. A little frog was making its way across a tiny bridge and the forest floor was littered with every type of pine cone and the trees festooned with gorgeous, cobwebby Scottish beard moss.

Seeking the sublime

Like the Romantic poets, I’m drawn to what they would consider sublime: landscapes containing a certain frisson of danger, of majesty, of vastness twinned with heart-stopping beauty. The Highlands are replete with such landscapes. So what is the purpose of the sublime? Surely it is to create a heightened sense of emotion; to jolt us out of the everyday and mundane and if we are so inclined, to push us towards creativity. Unfortunately, my days were too filled with adventures to find any time for the art I’d planned, but now that I am home, I have plenty of images to draw upon.

**Forbidding mountains, brooding skies and wind ruffled loch fringed with woodland. A Romantic’s dream.**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Know your place

Such landscapes, naturally, have the effect of making our own lives seem somewhat insignificant. The mountain cares not if you make it home; the loch is indifferent to whether you return ashore. Live or die: it matters not to them. And sometimes such brutal disdain is good for us. Our egos tend to exaggerate our sense of self and our importance. A gentle correction from nature does us no harm.

Similarly, witnessing the many ruins of castles and crafts scattered across the landscape reminds us of how even the most sturdy of constructions will ultimately collapse under the weight of time. Like Ozymandias, those edifices we build to show our power will one day be the ruin that catches a traveller’s eye.

**Castle Roy 12th century fortress to tourist destination**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Magical sites

A similar effect is achieved at the very ancient sites that abound in this region. Staring at a 4,000 year old cairn is likely to make our own life-span seem rather puny. However, that said, the cairns/standing stones also have a telescopic effect. As I ran my hand across the brilliantly built walls, I thought of my ancestors and how harsh life would have been. But I also thought of how I am alive today because of their fortitude. I wanted to reach back to tell them that we made it. That where they trudged the landscape on foot, we had metal steeds to carry us. Where they had to forage, we simply had to shop. The biological imperative to create new generations had been fulfilled over that great bridge of millennia.

**Clava cairns and standing stones in their woodland grove**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Though unlike the ruins, these sites have a spiritual component. It is impossible to explain how deeply moving these places are. They are magical, mystical and take us far away from our everyday cares.

Joy!

And lastly, the magnificence of nature brings us joy. It would be impossible to say how many times my husband and I came across a vista that actually made us gasp at its beauty. We simply could not stop ourselves smiling. ‘Look! Look!’ we would say to each other as yet another amazing scene came into view. Each new day seemed to top the last and it seems fitting that our final destination topped them all. Loch Morlich, outside Aviemore, combined everything we love in one place: snow capped mountains, a clear lake, sandy beaches that were backed by pines. But I am open to our next visit providing us with something even more extraordinary.

**Loch Morlich on a perfect spring day**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Souvenirs

Our souvenirs are not trinkets but memories and reminders that finding places of peace, of sanctuary if you will, are essential to our well-being. Sadly, we won’t be able to return to the Highlands for a weekend, but we can bring the magic of that world to our own. No matter how urban our environment, we can find those still places and, if we adjust our vision, we can see worlds of wonder within them. I took our dog, Hermione, to the local park today and though it was fairly busy, there were little quiet spots to enjoy. Tadpoles wriggled in the fish pond; grey squirrels skittered up trees; dogs loped across the grass. My brief trip there was like a micro vacation from daily life. It replenished me for a very busy afternoon. The word holiday is derived from holy day. Perhaps we should remember that and honour its regenerative qualities.

You Take the High Road and I’ll Take the Snow Road

**Good advice** **wherever you are**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Though the Romans may have mastered the art of road building, the Scots have perfected it. All across Scotland you can find tourist routes that take you through the most breath-taking scenery and past any number of historic landmarks and curiosities. Our trip to the Highlands this week has been filled with such road journeys, but the most impressive of which was certainly the Snow Road which winds through the highest elevation of the Cairngorms National Park.

I confess that we didn’t make all of it, just to the picturesque town of Ballater. We will leave the rest for our next visit.

As I am currently on holiday, this post will be a brief photo-journal of our trip along the Snow Road at the beginning of March. I hope that you enjoy travelling with me and perhaps will take a trip of your own some day.

Framing the view

One of the earliest stopping points is for the inspired art installation that literally frames the view. This witty piece, so different from its surroundings somehow makes itself at home in this ancient, slightly forbidding landscape.

**An artwork with a view** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Promised snow

The road builders were aware of the distractions to drivers on these routes and so provided numerous stopping points to admire the scenery. Though it’s been a mild winter and moving into spring, snow still clings to the tops of the highest mountains making a delightful alpine vista.

**Moorland and mountain tops** Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

There were even intrepid skiers on the slopes at Lecht, but the conditions looked a little less than optimal.

The Watchers

A little further along is another art installation called The Watchers. Placed high above the valley, it is the ideal place to bird watch as eagles and other birds of prey swim through the sky. The sculptures contain benches, giving a welcome shelter from the biting winds.

**Art and comfort** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

A royal town

Our destination was the picture perfect town of Ballater where Queen Victoria used and improved the local station to satisfy her comfort and convenience when travelling to the nearby Balmoral. Set in a sheltered spot, the town clearly was the ideal stopping point for wealthy tourists visiting the wild landscapes of the Highlands.

**Ballater Station in a town of equal prettiness** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

The Return

Our return journey, in shifting our perspective, made it seem like an entirely new one. There were bridges and burns; chimneys built and abandoned by the road builders; quarries and bike tracks winding across the landscape. For a few hours we were immersed in the ever shifting landscape of snow capped mountains and heather clad hills and ancient woodland that is the Highlands. I suspect it won’t be long before we are back to explore some more.

All I am Saying, is Give Peace a Chance

Last week, as restrictions were being lifted, I looked forward to our conversations revolving around something other than the pandemic. Perhaps we could resume our British preoccupations with the weather; the emergence of spring blooms and planned days out. Unfortunately, this was not to be. I returned home from the puppy park to discover that Russia had invaded the Ukraine.

My buoyant mood was deflated in an instant. The long peace we have enjoyed in the West for over 70 years has been shattered and the cold war, dormant for so long, is back.

Under such circumstances, it is only natural to feel a sense of helplessness. We can take the practical step of supporting those agencies who are doing their best to support those caught up in the conflict. (And I would urge you to do so.) But no matter how generous our donation, we know that it is merely a sticking plaster over a great wound. What we can do to have more lasting effects is to cultivate peace within ourselves. When we hold peace within us, conflict cannot take hold.

**A gentle reminder on my book case** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Peace! I hate the word

Like Tybalt in Romeo and Juliet, peace is an anathema to many. One only has to witness the excitement of journalists reporting the conflict, our own raised voices and the buzz of speculation. Because conflict is exciting. It is drama. It has high stakes and terrible, tragic stories. Anger enlivens us; peace requires no voice.

**Romeo meets the fiery Tybalt** Image: painting by Prince Albert

Putin is almost a caricature of a James Bond villain. He’s Russian for a start, ex head of the infamous Federal Security Service (previously the KGB) and a dubiously elected president. The mere mention of his name is likely to raise our blood pressure. But bear with me here, this is where we must start. When Jesus counselled us to love our enemies, he meant all of them- even those like Putin. Because when we fall for the temptation to vilify and turn men into monsters, we lose the calm bearing and centeredness that is essential to finding avenues for resolution.

Acknowledge your anger, of course, but let it go. When we carry anger within us – even of a news story of a country far away whose ongoing conflicts have hardly penetrated our radar before now – it curdles relationships and our own equilibrium.

Making space for peace

When we are at peace, we do not experience stress or anxiety and the techniques we use to achieve peace are similar to those for stress reduction. We might search for it through religious observance or meditation, while walking in nature or going for a swim. We can find it in practising gratitude. We can find it in moments of stillness and quiet. In our busy world, we may need to look hard to find such sanctuary : but look we must.

We do not find it in the Siren call of the media. As I have written before, the media thrives on conflict and provocation. It is important to be informed, but we need not glue ourselves to the screen or the papers to keep up-to-the minute on news coverage.

Putin puts Russia’s nuclear force on high alert

Ukraine’s president agrees to peace talks as battles rage in Kyiv and Kharkiv

Inflammatory language. One of this week’s headlines in The Times

We can make a space for peace with our friends and in conversation. The subject of the Ukraine, with all its terrifying possible ramifications, is almost certain to come up, but we need not catastrophise. If we make our goal to soothe and reassure, we will have helped restore some balance and equanimity.

Unity over Division

For peace to occur in ourselves and our communities, we need to learn to face outwards and not inwards. I read an excellent quote in The Times recently by David Isaac, Chair of the Equality and Human Rights Commission. He said, ‘The key issue is how do we move beyond the ‘I’ to the ‘we’, how do we think of ourselves as citizens in a country or in the world who are not just focused on what works for me and my narrow group. How do we ensure that we think about people who are different to us?’ He was not referring to war, but the principle is the same. We cannot kill those whose innate humanity we see is shared with us. We cannot wreck havoc on a country whose essentials: countryside, buildings, industry are only marginally different from our own.

**Soldiers or young men?** Image: Tapio Haaja on Unsplash

I read a rather disturbing email forwarded from someone in the Ukraine. Reports of their suffering were upsetting, but for me, just as disturbing was the line: ‘Yesterday the Ukraine army had a huge success with the fighting and many Russian soldiers were killed.’ I certainly don’t want Russia to succeed, but nor do I want the world to forget that those Russian soldiers are sons and brothers. Many (perhaps even the majority) are conscripts drawn from the poorest and most disadvantaged sections of society. As in the US during the Vietnam conflict, wealth and education can help you dodge the draft. It is unlikely these young men have any particular feelings about annexing the Ukraine, yet their lives are expended to this end.

So if we hold the Ukraine in our prayers and thoughts, let us hold everyone – even those whose actions we abhor. If we would like there to be peace, we must first cultivate love.

Peace be with you.

Re-entry

Almost two years on from the beginning of the pandemic, life is returning to normal – at least on paper. England has lifted all legal restrictions relating to Covid and Scotland and Ireland are following, albeit more slowly. It should be a time for celebration. As someone whose life has been extremely restricted for the last two years, these increased freedoms should come as a welcome respite. However, the news fills me with equal quantities of exhilaration and dread.

**Medical illustration of Covid 19** Image: CDC on Unsplash

Desiring to be normal – needing to be safe

Though I welcome the freedoms and societal benefits that will accrue from a more open approach to business and life in general, I am left at something of a loss as to what those of us with underlying health issues are supposed to do. And it all rests on the rather rash suggestion that those testing positive are not required to self-isolate but only advised to do so. The Government clearly has a rather more optimistic view of the public’s sense of civic responsibility than I do – especially when that same Government was unable to discipline itself sufficiently to obey legally binding lock-down rules.

Further, by removing assistance from low income families should they test positive, the Government is de facto expecting infected, low wage workers to return to work and no doubt infect their colleagues. Do these individuals not count? Those in poorly paid employment seldom have the option of working from home that their middle class peers do, so this decision seems divisive in extreme. Add to this the removal of free testing and you have a formula for yet another spike in cases.

The poor, the disabled and the vulnerable, it seems, are expected to take their chances. We can either go back into isolation or risk serious illness. Do we go with the sunk cost theory -I’ve spent two years in isolation and that’s enough- and head out or do we continue until such a time as it seems only a minor risk? This is my conundrum this week and I am tired of constantly assessing the odds.

**To mask or not to mask?** Image: Ani Kolleshi on Unsplash

Who is vulnerable?

The obvious answer to this question is the old, the chronically ill and those at risk from infection. But I would argue that it goes far beyond that. We can be vulnerable economically too. When I was speaking to my hairdresser this week, I asked her opinion on the new policy and whether they would continue to ask customers to wear masks. She said, ‘Yes. We are all self-employed. And if we get sick, we lose two weeks’ pay.’ So far, her customers have all been more than amenable, but I hope that this will continue into the future.

Mental health over physical health

Anxiety arising from the risk of infection has not been the only issue these last couple of years. Anxiety on re-entering society after a prolonged period of isolation is equally impactful. There is a reason that the harshest punishment given to prisoners is a spell in solitary. It has the unfortunate effect of driving you crazy.

**Relaxing with friends is a vital part of our good mental health** Image: Elevate on Unsplash

Getting Hermione has been a life-saver on this front. Every day, I must go out to the park for her to exercise (and often twice). Here I meet friendly faces, have social interactions, and keep up my driving skills. In wide open spaces, there are no risks involved, so I get to enjoy a social life in absolute safety. During lock-down, I had my husband’s company and plenty of communication with friends via social media. But, my life-style is not usual and I feel very concerned for those who, having sacrificed their freedoms for so long, are not going to feel safe going out even now. Many, many healthy people have suffered mentally as a consequence of the pandemic. I cannot imagine how much worse this will be for those already struggling with fragile health.

Stepping out

With the Office of National Statistics estimating that one in twenty people have Covid at the moment, I shan’t be heading to any busy social venues soon. I shall, however, be increasing my trips to the shops and less densely populated areas. In a few weeks, as the worst part of the flu season comes to an end, I plan to resume visiting friends at home. Trips to cafes and restaurants will probably continue to be outside for a little longer.

In the end, it will be an act of faith. For any kind of normal life to happen for the vulnerable, we rely on the good sense and consideration of the healthy. The law may not require you to self-isolate when testing positive; the law may not require you to wear masks and no one will force you to stay at home if you feel unwell. However, such small sacrifices will open the world to freedoms that we have missed for far too long.

Love is…

When I was young, there was an adorable cartoon strip called Love is… Each image was accompanied by a definition of love. The series began, romantically enough, as notes between Kim Casali, nee Grove, and her future husband. But love, for me, is far more than romantic gestures (wonderful though they are). Love is found between couples, families, friends and strangers, pets and our relationship with the planet. So, with Valentine’s fresh in our minds this week, I’d like to propose my own list of what love is and I hope that you will add to it in the comments’ section.

Love is… sharing laughter with good friends
Love is… enjoying each others’ company with or without words
Love is… the energy of the Universe
Love is… a kind word
Love is… a child giving you their hand
Love is… bringing someone the perfect cup of tea when they are too tired to move
Love is… waiting at the window for you to come home

**Doggy love**! Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Love is… loving you just as you are
Love is… always being ready to say sorry
Love is… donating the gift of time
Love is… having your best interests at heart
Love is… honouring the Earth
Love is… a warm hug!
Love is… the greatest present we can give ourselves

**Love lifts you up** Image: Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Of course, no one can surpass St Paul’s list of love’s attributes in Corinthians 1 13:4-8 beginning, ‘Love is patient, love is kind’. I have a section of it in beautiful calligraphy on my kitchen shelf. It serves as a reminder when I am feeling less charitable.

Happiness is the by-product of love

This morning, as I took Hermione to her grooming session, I passed a couple of street pastors who had been singing and playing guitar on the wide pavement. They stopped to pat the dog and say hi and I went on my way. After dropping Hermione off, I spoke to them again and thanked them for bringing a little music to the street. They did not proselytise, but explained they were there to bring a little friendliness and joy at a time when so many were struggling. Thinking about it, I realised that they were the embodiment of love in action- giving their time and good cheer freely. And I thought how such acts of love bring happiness and how happiness is always a by-product of love. There is so much in print about happiness and how to achieve it, when it can be summed up in a few words. Want more happiness? Share more love.

Hold On. It’s Almost Here

Just when you think that winter will never relinquish its icy grip, along comes February with its rapidly lengthening days and exuberant spring flowers. Despite being a short month, it is filled with celebrations: Chinese New Year, Candlemas, Valentine’s and later the carnival season. But the one that best captures this pivotal point between the seasons is the lesser known Imbolc.

**Tiny harbingers** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Imbolc

I had never heard of it before my lovely art teacher wished me a happy one. My curiosity peeked, I had to look it up and discovered that if there were possible to have a festival tailored to one’s passions, this was it. Imbolc is a celebration of all things natural with a little culture thrown in for good measure.

Traditionally celebrated by the Celts (Irish and Scots) it was a pagan holiday that started on sundown of Feb 1 and ended 24 hours later. This date marks the half-way point between the winter and spring equinox. From here, though winter may still demonstrate its power with late snow and bitter frosts, the world is turning towards the sun and winter’s reign is reaching its conclusion.

**Vibrant narcissus**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

In pre-Christian times, it celebrated the goddess Brigid ‘who was evoked in fertility rites and oversaw poetry, crafts and prophesy.’ (History.com) And she was later absorbed into the Catholic canon as St Brigid, where she continued her patronage of culture, healing and husbandry.

Modern pagans use the date as an opportunity to celebrate the newly waking natural world and culture. As the landscape becomes stippled with the yellows, whites and pinks of spring, it would be churlish not to join them in observing this annual miracle.

**Delicate paper whites in their spring colours**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Having admired the blooms and spears of green in my garden, I plan to spend the evening with some poetry. Crafts are always on my to-do list. With Brigid in mind, despite the single figure temperatures of today, I predict that spring will be upon us in no time at all.

And So to Bed…

As every parent of young children knows, sleep is the most precious of commodities. Were it to be floated on the exchange, its price would exceed all others. The subject is at the forefront of my mind at the moment. Skyping my brother-in-law and daughter-in-law this weekend (both of whom have tiny tots) highlighted the toll that sleepless nights bring. Indeed, considering the levels of sleep deprivation they go through, I am impressed that they are functioning at all, let alone successful professionals.

Sleep has so many necessary functions: from giving your body the opportunity to rest and repair to ensuring good mental health. Yet, too many of us suffer from poor sleep – as many as two-thirds of the population in the UK.

Sleep is crucial to our wellbeing, so if you don’t sleep properly, here are some ideas to improve your nights.

**Sleep, glorious sleep!** Image: Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

Early to bed, early to rise

Actually, it is not essential to go to bed early to get a good night’s rest. If you are a night owl, who will simply fidget till midnight, going to bed when you are tired is more sensible. That said, almost all experts agree that earlier is better. Though what is really crucial is establishing a regular routine. Why? Because, ‘keeping a regular sleep schedule—even on weekends—maintains the timing of the body’s internal clock and can help you fall asleep and wake up more easily.’ (Harvard Medical School)

The hardest part of this for me is disciplining myself to get up on the weekend when a lie-in seems so appealing. In another article I read, it suggested adding no more than one hour to your normal wake-up time on days off. Our bodies, sadly, do not know the days of the week and if we extend our sleeping one day and not the next, we are simply deregulating the very clock we depend on for contented slumbers.

Making the bedroom a sanctuary

Perhaps the hardest thing for people during lock-down has been the invasion of work into the home and even the bedroom. If there is no other option than to work from there, where possible keep all your work and equipment in a contained space and ideally out of sight at night. This way you can avoid the siren call of answering just one more email.

Bedrooms are where we go to escape the cares of the day. If we fill them with distractions, they are unlikely to prove restful. Ideally, a bedroom should be clutter free and certainly free from electronic devices such as televisions and laptops. And phones. Definitely phones.

**Simple and restful** Image: Photo by Beazy on Unsplash

There are a number of reasons why looking at your phone at night is problematic: the blue light inhibits melatonin production and damages the eyes; stimulates you just at the time you need to wind down; causes non-restorative sleep that means you wake feeling tired and can have serious implications for your physical and mental health. For a complete discussion of this topic, please read: https://www.nestandglow.com/life/phone-bedroom

Experts recommend looking at your phone no earlier than 30-60 minutes before bed and keeping it in another room from the one where you sleep. I confess that I do take my phone to bed as an alarm and though I seldom consult it for more than a few minutes, having considered the above, I’ve just ordered an alarm clock!

Keeping your bedroom tidy; making your bed in the morning with lovely linens; decorating in calming colours and adding the odd plant to improve air quality should make your room the sanctuary that it is meant to be.

Book at bedtime

There are few things more delightful than dozing off after reading a book. Better still, have someone to read aloud to you. A story at night (though perhaps not a good thriller) is a great way to bridge the world of reality and the world of dreams.

**Everything you need at the bedside** Image: Annie Spratt on Unsplash

All books are not equal, however. E-books in general carry the same problems as phones and televisions. A study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences showed that subjects reading from e-readers suffered from a reduction of melatonin and poor quality of sleep. Though it is convenient to use one of these devices when your sleeping partner is dozing off, it may be better to invest in a paperback and a book light.

Interrupted sleep

Far too many people suffer from interrupted sleep or insomnia and few of us will be spared from the odd bout of either. Life is full of stresses and disagreeable surprises, which almost always impact our sleep. Unpleasant though it is at the time, most of us will recover. Others, however, end up on a spiral of inadequate sleep that becomes part of their everyday lives. Knowing how damaging this is, we would be wise to find ways to avoid it happening to us.

**That dreaded time when you are wide awake at night** Image: Alexandra Gorn

Some of the ways to improve sleep are fairly straight-forward, though not necessarily easy to implement if they are part of your habits.

Avoid stimulants – anything containing caffeine, alcohol and even exercise work as stimulants. Where possible, keep them for earlier in the day.
Keep your cool – most of us sleep better in a room that is a little cooler. Turn the heating down or off before you go to bed.
Reduce the amount you drink, or stop drinking altogether in the hours before bedtime. No-one like to get up in the night to go to the toilet! Contrariwise, if you have a cast-iron bladder and want to get up early, drink a glass or two of water before bedtime. Your bladder will serve as an excellent alarm!
Keep active – the more tired you are, the better you are likely to sleep. If you wish to exercise before bed, stick to something calm like stretching and yoga.
Get outside – Increasing your exposure to natural light will help you sleep better at night.
Stress and anxiety are probably the greatest enemies of a good night’s rest. Strategies such as meditation, yoga, talking therapies and cold immersion can all help here.

Non-restorative sleep

Unfortunately, despite trying all of the above, the blissful benefits of restorative sleep may not be available to you. Those with neurological conditions often suffer from poor sleep as a result of pain and symptoms that occur at night. My new magic medicine has helped with these, but still I wake feeling that I have barely gone to bed. It is possible, even likely, that neurological damage is causing this. As a result, scheduling activities with gaps between and regular rest periods are still required.

And if your sleep is interrupted for another reason, be gentle on yourself. Sometimes life hands us more than we are able to cope with.

As always, I’m optimistic and before I go to bed each night, I recite my little mantra: I will rest well. I will sleep deeply. I will awaken refreshed. Haven’t quite managed it yet, but I’ll keep trying.

Befriending your Fears

Call it synchronicity or call it fate, but this week my reading, conversations and viewing have all reinforced the idea of embracing fear, or as Susan Jeffers put it, to ‘Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway’. It started with a great book: OK, Let’s Do Your Stupid Idea. Freyne’s memoir contains a great many stupid ideas that he and his companions acted upon, but crazy though most of them were, one could not help but think that they were part of a life that was lived.

Most of us, in pursuing a more sensible and safe path, often wonder if it is living at all. Though I would not recommend some of Freyne’s more reckless adventures, there is a balance to be struck between allowing our fears to narrow our lives and finding the liberation in overcoming them.

The logic of fear

There is a reason that we feel fear. It is one of our best defences against injury and death. Fear may arise from a direct experience or, as explained by Elizabeth Phelps, through ‘social interaction’. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/learning-to-fear Our fear response is likely to be equal regardless of whether it is learned as a result of our own experience or from others.

What is interesting here is that we can acquire fears without questioning whether they are well founded or not. Take snakes, for example. Most snakes in Europe are neither venomous nor dangerous to people, yet I confess to being afraid of all of them. Since I an unable to distinguish between the dangerous and benign ones, this is probably a valid position. (In case you ever need to know, venomous snakes tend to have triangular heads and non-venomous round.)

**Even looking at this makes me queasy!** Image: Alfonso Castro on Unsplash

As an adult, I’m embarrassed to say, I was terrified of talking to official people on the phone. This is something that I learned from my mother. I understand why. While a mother at home with young children, one seldom interacts with anyone more demanding than the postman and it is easy to lose confidence. Unfortunately, official people still need to be spoken to and my husband, never one to shilly-shally, decided that exposure therapy was the way to go.

Facing our fears

So, every time a query needed to be made about the gas bill or the car’s MOT came due, guess who had to make the call? I squirmed and tried to get out of it to no avail. The call was made. No-one died and now, I am happy to talk to anyone.

Certain, deep rooted fears need to be tackled sensitively and slowly. Throwing someone afraid of water into the deep end of a swimming pool is unlikely to work, whereas getting them to join you in a paddling pool on a hot day might start them in the right direction. If it is a true phobia, untangling the source of the fear may also be necessary – sometimes with the help of a good therapist.

Doing it anyway

For most of us though, simply surviving a situation that triggers a fear response can give us the courage to overcome it. Though not claustrophobic, I am not a fan of small, enclosed spaces. When my younger son and husband disappeared down the ‘key hole’ on a caving expedition in Africa, I was given the option of joining them or waiting above with my other son until they returned. The latter seemed much worse and my reluctant older son felt the same way. We went ahead. Let’s say, calling the trip ‘caving’ was a little misleading. This was full-on potholing. There were bats and climbs and commando crawling through the mountain’s granite intestines. At one point, my battery pack caused me to get stuck. The shrill screams of my youngest (who had managed to get dust in his eyes) somehow dislodged me and gave me sufficient adrenaline to finish the course.

**Not me, but you get the picture** Image: Jason Gardner on Unsplash

Upon reaching daylight, I have never felt so exhilarated. My eldest declared he was no longer claustrophobic and I wondered in that moment if I had become more so! Though having had time to recover, few small, enclosed spaces fill me with dread. Which is good, because yesterday, I spent the better part of an hour in an MRI scanner.

In one episode of the wonderful series, Magic for Humans, magician Justin Willman talks of a recurring nightmare of turning up to perform and discovering he is naked. The cure? He takes a show to a nudist camp. There are ways, it seems, of overcoming even the most outlandish fears safely.

Fear of failure

If there was one fear that causes more pain and suffering and diminishment of life, it is surely this one. Over decades of teaching, my goal, above all others, is to give my pupils confidence in themselves and their abilities. Without it, students panic, lose focus and sometimes even fail exams they are more than qualified to succeed in. Fear of failure in life is costly.

There are ways to allay our fears, of course. Preparation is often our best ally -after all, we have practised the task many times. Quieting our minds is another. I was most impressed by my young student whose ‘meditation practice’ before exams is to breathe whilst counting backwards from 1,000 in sevens. (He’s a maths boffin.) He knows from experience that when he is overcome with anxiety, his mind fizzles into confusion – muddling his answers. So now, when he feels that rising dread, he has a system that works for him.

A third technique, is to reduce the pressure of expectation. When we write with the goal of being a prize winning author, or paint with the quality of one of the masters as our aim, we are likely to be disappointed. If we do it with the pleasure of the activity in mind and an open view of what might result, we can enjoy the process and perhaps initiate something good.

**Just playing!**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

My friend was given an art journal. She was instructed to play and explore and give no mind to the result. For those of us working in creative realms, the blank page can feel like the enemy. Taking away any sense of expectation allows us to be more creative not less. The giver of the journal refers to this form of art as ‘playing with colour’. I love that.

Fear of failure, fear of shame

The most stifling and life-diminishing fear of all is that of failure resulting in shame. If we are not careful, it can thwart our lives entirely, preventing us from trying again or even trying at all. Brene Brown has researched, written and talked about this subject extensively and it is far too large a subject to discuss in a paragraph. To give you a taster, here is her TED Talk on Vulnerability.

Not such a stupid idea

Without advocating a reckless disregard for your safety, I would certainly encourage you to take some risks. They may work out; they may not. What of it? When we push our boundaries, we grow. And our failures are often our most helpful training tool. Try to take on something you fear this week – you may find that fear is your friend after all.

I Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues

Ceaseless rain, freezing temperatures, days that seem to end before they have begun. Is it any wonder then that January, following so close on the heals of the sparkling festive season, often leaves us feeling down? The third Monday in January (the 17th this year) is often referred to as Blue Monday. We may have passed that date, but I think all of us need a little lift during the final weeks of winter. So I have compiled a list of suggestions to help you feel your best, whatever the weather.

**Look familiar?** Image: Valentin Muller on Unsplash

Brew Monday

I read in the news recently how the Samaritans have come up with an inspired idea for transforming a dull day into a bright, social one. Their Brew Monday campaign hopes to encourage us to use this date to get in touch and have a chat with a cup of tea to hand. Like the Macmillan coffee mornings, it is a good way to support a wonderful charity and if you’d like to take part next year or get suggestions for a meaningful conversation this, here’s the link: https://www.samaritans.org/support-us/campaign/brew-monday/

**A comforting cuppa** Image: Dayne Topkin on Unsplash

In this link, the Samaritans also offer suggestions on how to develop good listening skills. It is a skill that we do not give sufficient attention to. If you are going to talk to someone who is really feeling down, it might be an idea to check here first. If we are not sensitive to the needs of the speaker, we may make the situation worse rather than better.

When to turn to the professionals

We all want to help a friend in need and often we can, but we should also be aware of our limitations. Sometimes friends and loved ones have problems that are far beyond our expertise. When this is the case, the most help we can provide is in guiding them to someone who is trained to deal with these issues: a bereavement counsellor, their GP or even the Samaritans. We can always offer to accompany them on a visit.

Equally, we need to protect and nourish ourselves. Counsellors have their own counsellors to help them deal with the often distressing information that is shared with them. Give as much as you can, but if it is impacting you negatively, it is time to step back. It is too easy with those we love to both spiral into despair.

**Spending time together** Image: Jarritos Mexican soda on Unsplash

Practical solutions

Talking is not the only cure for the winter blues: spending time outside and exercising always enhances mood. If you are able to do that in the company of others, even better. Taking the dog to the puppy park each day has been my salvation. It may be freezing, but wrapped up in several layers, the cold can feel invigorating. There are always dogs who fancy a cuddle (including Hermione, who spends quite a lot of time on my lap) and I’m sure the act of stroking soft fur is itself soothing. Folks come and go. Some are regulars, who are becoming friends. Others may only give a cheery wave. In a time when so many of us feel rather isolated, even this modest connection helps.

Should leaving the warmth of the home not appeal, we can keep our spirits up by taking time to be creative in whatever way suits us best. I find having something to show for my day always makes me happy. Today, I baked bread after a few weeks off and was delighted to have something comforting to eat for my lunch and plenty for days to come. I experience a similar joy when I make a card for a friend or complete a small project. Perhaps the rule is to take time to do those things which make you happy, whether they be martial arts training or flower arranging. If we find ourselves too time poor to engage in anything that we love, we should consider a life audit!

**Few things beat a homemade loaf**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Embrace the season

This morning I was chatting in the puppy park with someone about the length of days. He said that he hated the short days of winter and longed for summer. I get that, but the shorter days can also be a boon. They give us an opportunity to physically and mentally regroup. Like the trees, which seem dormant throughout winter, we are just gathering our energies for the more active seasons to come.

Parts of Scandinavia are dark almost all day throughout winter. There is no point in fighting it, so they work with it instead. They take up winter sports and bake and make their homes more ‘hygge’. This year, I thought I would adopt some of these ideas and filled the house with twinkly lights and candles, blankets for snuggling under when watching TV and investing in quality knitwear. I make gallons of homemade soup and ‘spoil’ myself with good hot chocolate. All of these make me, and the day, seem brighter.

Of course, I still check the garden for the first signs of spring and look forward to the period when I won’t have to wear quite so many layers. That said, winter is proving to be much less of a burden this year than usual, despite the strange times we live in. I may be looking forward to spring, but for now, winter will do nicely.