Treading a New Path

Tempting though it may be to sink into the comfortable predictability of late middle age, that is definitely not for me. Life has always seemed too short to satisfy my rather boundless curiosity and now, of course, it is shorter still. So, when reading a fabulous arts magazine I came across the fourth reference to a book I have been meaning to acquire for decades, I took the universe’s hint, logged into eBay and bought it.

Some of you will already be familiar with this seminal work. The Artist’s Way was published in the early 1990s and is a standard text for all those wanting to pursue a creative path. Perhaps the title put me off (I’m certainly no artist) but it is written by a writer for all artists -whether working in the visual or literary spheres. It is equally applicable to anyone wanting to live more creatively whether they produce anything or not. If I had known quite what I was letting myself in for, I may have opted to purchase a novel instead, but now I have begun this new journey, I will have to finish it.

**It started with a book** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

I am reaching the end of the first week and have completed all the assignments to date – yes, this is not a book to read but to work from. The primary assignment that continues throughout (and which most readers continue well after the final page in the book is closed) is a three page freewriting exercise. Sadly, the only empty notebook I had was an A4 Pukka pad.

Facing the blank page

Each morning I must fill these pages with whatever thoughts enter my mind without editing or reviewing. (I’m not allowed to read these pages for a further seven weeks.) It’s not exactly a diary, but more a stream of consciousness. Throughout my teaching career, I have taught students to use free-writing to discover ideas and solve puzzles. It is a technique I often employ myself, but doing it every day and to such a length (about 750 words) is another matter entirely. A full 45 minutes to an hour must be found in addition to that for meditation and yoga. (My early mornings are getting seriously busy!)

**What shall I write today?** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Confronting the blank page is, as always, a challenge. Yet, with the tight time constraints of my morning, I certainly can’t doodle or arrange paper clips as I might if more time were available. And what exactly do I have to say?

The answer is: a surprising amount. No sooner has my pen touched the page than I am off. Sometimes happily rambling, other times problem solving and occasionally coming up with a line or metaphor that I rather like. Since no-one is going to read it but me, I am free to do exactly what I please and this liberation alone is exhilarating. And once the three pages are complete, it’s time for the next exercise. These are all short, witty and often illuminating. I certainly enjoyed writing an imaginary letter to thank my wonderful English teacher who instilled me with a life-long love of literature and language. (I also rather relished the somewhat rude one I wrote to a domineering drama teacher who snuffed the tiny flicker of confidence I had in the performing arts.)

Facing your demons

Writing in this way has often been used for therapy. Expressing our thoughts and emotions freely in this form can be extremely liberating and clarifying. It is also a fabulous way to put events into perspective. When we see it written down, a huge and threatening fear becomes diminished by its representation through small marks on a page.

And fear is the greatest enemy for anyone wishing to be creative. Will it be good enough? Will it be appreciated? Will I be shamed for my efforts? All artists face these fears and having produced a masterpiece does not exempt you from them. I often think the successful artist has the toughest challenge in this regard. They are expected to be brilliant all the time. The rest of us are happy if one or two people say that they like it.

**Taking courage to venture into our own dark woods I**mage: Branimir Balogovic on Unsplash

A habit of writing – regularly and without criticism – is the best antidote to this. Writing becomes natural, subject to errors but also to revelation. So many of us do not write, even to dear friends, because they are frightened their writing will not be good enough. We are not aiming for publication, only communication, and whatever we say from our hearts will be perfect.

Artist date

The second regular exercise is what she terms the artist date. For two hours a week, you set aside time to pursue something that will satisfy your creative cravings. Perhaps you will go to a museum, buy art supplies, or take the time to make something. By setting this time aside in the diary, it elevates a vague desire into a definite commitment. This week, with my two hours on a quiet day ‘booked in’, I finally got around to a simple sewing project that had been rattling about in my head for ages. Amazingly, it was successful and I hope to be able to replicate this success in future projects.

If you were able to allocate two hours in a week (and I would hope everyone has at least that much time) where would your creativity take you?

**Who knows where this journey will lead?** Image: Levi Bare on Unsplash

I have only just begun and though I suspect that this journey in creativity will have its obstacles and frustrations like any other travel adventure, I am curious to see where it will lead. Will I revisit and revise my teen novel? Start writing poetry again? Find an entirely new way of exploring my creative needs? I have no idea. But then, the joy of an adventure is not knowing where it will end.

Morning Meditations

This last weekend, my husband was away at a trade show, so my normal routine of yoga and meditation in the quiet of my bedroom was disrupted. I had to get up early and let Hermione have her run around the garden. It was a beautiful day, so I decided to try it alfresco. Despite being a chilly 10 degrees Celsius, the experience was enhanced by the location. Weather permitting, I’ve decided to continue this way as far into winter as I dare!

It’s taken me a very long time to reach the point where I would not consider starting the day without these physical and mental exercises, but their benefits have been immeasurable. The good news is that one can start small and work up. I vividly remember the agonies of trying to concentrate through a five minute guided meditation every evening. Now my half hour, unguided one, goes in a flash. The key, it seems, is in regular practice (even if that is only ten minutes a day).

**The sunniest spot in the garden early morning**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Finding what is right for you

I have lost count of the number of people I have spoken to who find meditation either impossible or something that they cannot seem to find time for. Perhaps part of the reason for this is that it is, as a product, hugely mis-sold. Meditation does not eliminate stress from your life (but it does help you deal with it); nor does it turn you into a calm, perfect human (though it might help smooth your edges) and most importantly, it does not require you to jettison all thoughts to reach a state of Zenlike bliss. Meditation, like prayer, is all about directing thought rather than obliterating it.

When random thoughts arise, we greet them and let them go, bringing our attention back to our point of focus. This may be our breath, a candle or a prayer. It requires discipline and endless repetition. The Dalai Lama continues to meditate for hours every day. Even he would not suggest that he had no need of further practice. So if you are looking for a quick fix, this isn’t for you. However, if you are looking for a method that has been proven to improve your mental and physical well-being, here are some approaches you might try.

**Thoughts, like clouds, drift across our consciousness**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Ways in

If you look on-line, you will find countless and many very good sources on meditation. I have tried a number of them and have a rather eclectic mix that I call my own. The one that I think of as being the best way to begin though is the listening meditation, as it helps reinforce the idea of focus and requires no more from you than simply to sit quietly.

This is one that I love to do in the garden. Sit on the ground cross legged, or on a chair with your feet on the ground and back straight. (If you lie in a deck chair, you are liable to fall asleep!) Start to listen to all the sounds around you. As your meditation deepens, you will hear ever quieter sounds that you have probably never noticed before. You don’t have to close your eyes, but do if that makes it easier. Set a timer for at least ten minutes. Take a moment to return to the world and say a thank you for what you have heard.

Alternatively, you can keep the same posture and contemplate a specific aspect or even object – like a flower. As your focus deepens, you will uncover richer layers of observance. Again, do this for as long as you can and try to observe mindfully throughout the day.

Breathing meditations are probably the most common form. I use the Wim Hof method, because the breathing structure and breath-holds don’t give you much option to let your mind wander.

You may want to do this one lying down, as it can leave you a little light headed.

If you want to meditate throughout the day, taking a few moments to concentrate on the breath – filling your lungs fully and then feeling the air exit passing gently over your mouth – is a great way to ground yourself.

Devising your own regime

Perhaps I was a magpie in a past life, but I have a terrible habit of acquiring things and forgetting to let them go. My meditation practice is no exception. As a result, all the elements that I have found useful over the past ten years have now found a home in my current routine. I don’t recommend that you necessarily do the same, but I do think that it is helpful to take a flexible approach. One form of meditation may fit perfectly, another may not – or not at the moment. No-one is watching and certainly no-one is judging your performance. Do what works for you.

So what is my daily practice? It begins with a little yoga. The stretching and focus on my body seems to help me get into the right zone for meditation. What follows is a mix of Wim breathing, imaging and loving kindness prayer. The loving kindness meditation is a classic one and helps us find compassion in our attitudes to even those who are our enemies or simply irritate us to death.

The version I use, based on a haunting musical interpretation, goes like this:

May I be filled with loving kindness, may I be well

May I be filled with loving kindness, may I be well.

May I be peaceful and at ease, may I be whole.

And here’s the musical version if, like me, you enjoy singing.

This is performed by my very talented friend Elizabeth Harris with the equally talented Anna Hamilton

I begin my meditation lying down and with the breathing Wim advocates, then during the breath-hold, I do the loving kindness prayer. With each cycle of breathing, I add another loving kindness object. Starting with myself, I move outwards from family to friends to those I do not care for too much. Some like to think of an area they live in and move to the world. I do that sometimes too.

Towards the end, I focus on healing kindness and imagine my body repairing itself. I have exquisite gold tipped butterflies that inhabit my brain and spinal chord and keep it free from lesions. (Don’t laugh, my latest MRI shows it is working!)

During the final stage, I simply reorient myself in the world. (You can feel a bit spacey at this point). I observe all the beauty around me and give thanks for the privilege of inhabiting such a magnificent creation. And now I am ready for the day.

Nothing is perfect

If this is all sounding a little too idyllic, I should perhaps mention that I have a little helper when it comes to my morning rituals! Hermione would never wish to be left out of anything, so yoga is performed with care so as not to squash the dog under my belly and meditation is conducted between throws of her Kong.

Does this bother me? Not particularly. Life is never going to accommodate you perfectly and accepting interruptions, noise and distractions and working through them is very much part of the discipline of these practices. If we are waiting for the ideal situation, we would never start at all. So, let us begin.

**Only trying to help! Hermione with her favourite Kong toy**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Accepting the Challenge

This is the challenge that I have set myself and which I extend to you. What can I do to make every single day matter? How can I – in even the tiniest way – contribute to the general good rather than its opposite? While flooded with news stories of unconscionable evil, it is easy to feel that whatever we do, it will be pointless.

**Putting the pieces together**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Whenever I succumb to this notion, I remind myself that that is exactly what those with nefarious intent want. When we are all bowed down with despair and drained of energy, the less scrupulous flourish. There is a famous quote attributed to Edmund Burke that says, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Ironically, he never said it, but John Stuart Mill – in a slightly longer version – did.

“Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.”
John Stuart Mill

Mill was not one to mince his words. His challenge is clear and a little daunting. Our option is to be part of the problem or part of the solution. Bystanders, in Mill’s view, might as well shuffle over the the bad men’s side.

Unsettling? Yes. Discomfiting? Definitely. But true, nonetheless.

Planting the seed

Before anyone disappears, let me suggest that we do not need to begin with the intention of ‘saving the world’. Folks have tried that in the past and it seldom works out well. The real challenge is to take steps that are in alignment with our lives and abilities. We are all capable of smiling at the delivery man; giving a pedestrian safe passage across the road when driving and in performing small acts of kindness. When we make these our practice, we will find more challenging acts much more manageable.

If we are concerned about the environment, for example, jetting off to an exotic location to talk about it is unlikely to benefit anyone; whereas, planting your own vegetables and trees; car sharing and turning down the thermostat will have measurable, positive results.

**Mighty broccoli plants from tiny seedlings grow** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Personally, I find even the smallest of kindnesses difficult sometimes. When I am tired or in pain, I may even want to provoke misery in others. The trick is to remind ourselves that everyone is trying to keep their heads above water. What we want and they want is the same: a little understanding and compassion.

When we turn our gaze outward, rather than inward, something miraculous happens. Our pain and tiredness become minor inconveniences soothed by our concern for others. We are, I believe, designed for caring. Endless studies have shown that those working for the good of their communities are happier and live longer. In doing ‘the right thing’, we are ultimately doing the right thing for ourselves.

What to do?

Over and above the usual courtesies, it is sometimes difficult to know what is the right thing to do to improve a situation. Rushing in or throwing money at it thoughtlessly is seldom the best approach. I remember my husband telling me about his thesis on Zambia and the horrific waste of aid money there. A beautiful hotel was built in the wilds without access roads or even a tourist industry. Nature soon reclaimed it as her own. No doubt some politicians made a very good income, but those funds were not then available to educate or heal the populace.

In the Quaker tradition, we have something called discernment, which is a sort of questioning process that we go through before taking action. It may mean doing some research, talking to people or simply sitting quietly and considering the subject from all angles. Upon thinking of a way to act, we then ask ourselves if it is spirit/love led.

It is a time consuming process, but it means that we seldom take on things we are not willing to finish or react emotionally only to change our minds. When we decided to host a Ukrainian family, we took a few days to mull over the consequences. To be frank, I am both excited and terrified by the prospect, but I have no doubt that for us, it is the right thing to do.

For more on the subject of discernment, you might like to read: https://transitionquaker.blogspot.com/2021/01/discernment.html

**Giving a warm welcome to everyone in our lives** Image: Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Take courage!

Whatever endeavour we set out upon will take a certain amount of courage. A friend has just been accepted to volunteer with a local charity and starting any new enterprise has its share of trepidation. Will I be able to perform my duties well? Will my efforts be worthwhile?

Naturally, none of us know the outcomes of our decisions, but we still have to act. Not everything will work out. Those we expect to show gratitude may show disdain; those tasks we perform, hoping to make a difference, may go nowhere. And if we are foolish enough to think that working for the general good will make us popular, it won’t. Change is always unsettling and asking others to change can, to some, feel like a threat. Even the most gentle promptings are sometimes take this way. Years of campaigning for Greenpeace showed me that.

Nobody said that doing anything worthwhile was easy. This is why the post is called, ‘Accepting the Challenge.’ Challenges are difficult and risky, with only uncertain outcomes. But they are equally exhilarating, life affirming and life-changing. So, the question is, do we wish to live with certainty and stagnation or uncertainty and growth?

Living adventurously

My favourite passage from the Quaker book of Faith and Practice is this –

Live adventurously. When choices arise, do you take the way that offers the fullest opportunity for the use of your gifts in the service of God and the community? Let your life speak.
(Quaker Faith and Practice, Advice and Queries 1.02 27)

It is a bold and powerful statement. We are all eloquent when it comes to words, now it is time for our lives to express us.

Keeping your Balance

Last week, I was at a meeting in a local church and the lady sitting next to me asked why the building was devoid of any decoration or flowers. Even the statuary was covered in purple cloth. ‘It is because it’s coming up to Easter’, I replied, though I had forgotten the details. Through the period of Lent, the church and its congregation use the time for reflection and so simplify their places of worship and their own lives. Some may practice fasting or ‘give up’ a luxury. Most other religions too have dates set aside for spiritual development allied with physical denial, such as Ramadan.

**Deep in prayer** Image: Isabella and Zsa Fischer on Unsplash

Perhaps you do not have a spiritual practice that requires such abstinence or perhaps you have no spiritual practice at all. Either way, I don’t think that we need one to remind us that it is valuable to set aside time to take stock of our lives and to learn a little resilience and self-discipline by doing without now and again.

Nature knows best

While I was contemplating this world-wide phenomenon of periods of rest followed by bursts of activity, I thought about how this is exactly what happens in the natural world. As winter advances, trees shed their leaves and enter a state of dormancy while storms rage and snow falls. They are not being idle however, but rather gathering their strength for the magnificent display of new growth and flowering that is spring.

**The pear tree bursting into life**
Image: Karen Costello-Mcfeat

Without enduring the harsh winter months, such a brilliant display would not be possible. And we too are creatures of the Earth who need to find a balance between dormancy and regeneration.

Losing balance

Ironically, having finally settled on this subject for my post, I fell foul of the very problem I was going to write about. After several weeks of frantic activity, wonderful socialising and simply doing too much, my body protested and simply shut down. MS is very helpful at reminding you when you need to rest. It doesn’t let you do anything else. So, cancelling some lovely social plans, I took myself to bed and slept and dozed. Reading and even watching the television was beyond me. I required zero stimulation. Luckily, my husband was home early to take care of the dog.

This morning, I awoke super early, refreshed and ready for the day. I was also suitably chastised and know that I must pace myself more carefully from now on. Fortunately, we are on the brink of the bank holiday weekend and I have nothing more planned than gardening, house tidying and eating Easter treats.

**Perfect balance** Image: Loic Leray on Unsplash

Bucking the 24/7 culture

Modern living doesn’t promote balance in life. Rather, it promotes the notion that we must have whatever our heart desires in minutes or, at worst, the next day. We have lost the joy of anticipation and of waiting. And with that, we have lost much of what brings true satisfaction. Instant gratification is followed very quickly by its opposite. So, we click and click again in search of that elusive high.

Only when we can step back and draw on the wisdom of nature and ancient spiritual practices can we see that waiting, even doing without, is not a punishment but a preparation. Anyone with even the most basic understanding of economics will tell you that value is set on the basis of supply and demand. When supply is ubiquitous, value tumbles. When supply is limited, it soars.

For most of us, time is our most valuable asset. We bemoan its lack while frantically filling our days with tasks of dubious value. Just as we are told that we should have everything immediately, we are also expected to fill every day with Instagrammable moments. Our fear of missing out propels us to visit one more event, to engage in one more outing even when we know our batteries are low. After all, spending an afternoon sitting quietly in the garden enjoying the birdsong and the touch of sun on your face is unlikely to generate many ‘likes’. And this is precisely where the market wants us to be – endlessly consuming goods and experiences since that is, after all, what generates profits.

But we are not automatons. We have choices and need to have the courage to follow the path that works for us. I am hardly advocating ‘dropping out’ or wearing a hair shirt. What I suggest is that we take this little holiday to re-evaluate what really matters to us.

Like the dormant trees in winter, the period of Lent ends in a riot of celebration: flowers and feasting and colourful spring clothes. Our moments of stillness refresh and nurture us so that the following abundance can be truly enjoyed. If we can keep our balance, we really can have it all.

Happy Easter!

**Wishing you a joyful Easter** Image: Mark Olsen on Unsplash

Reasons to Be Cheerful 1,2,3

One might be forgiven for feeling rather less than cheerful at the moment. The promise of spring weather has been dashed by days of rain, snow and freezing winds. Abroad, the war in Ukraine shows no end in sight – only a troubling increase in casualties and cruel tactics. At home, the economy is staggering under the twin pressures of the continuing pandemic and steeply rising prices. So why, you are no doubt asking, have I entitled this post ‘Reasons to be Cheerful’? The answer is surprisingly simple. In the face of such conditions, we have precisely two options: sink into despair and retreat from the world or make the best of it. In the past, I have opted for the first. I would not recommend it. Depression immobilises us and seeps into the lives of others, draining them of energy too.

**Embracing the world as it is** Image: Davey Nin

The other option, the one I hold to with fierce conviction, is the Pollyannaish one. This term is often misused to suggest a naive and excessive optimism. Which is ironic, because the Pollyanna of the eponymous books searches for good as a way of coping with adversity. She is, after all, an orphan sent to live with a grumpy aunt who doesn’t want her and who is later seriously injured in a car accident. Pollyanna does not avoid difficulty or fail to see it: she simply does everything in her power to transform it. Which is what, if you wish to ‘keep your head when all about you/ Are losing theirs’, I suggest you do.

We need not be quite so saccharine as the hero of this early twentieth century novel, but should we care to look, there are always reasons to be cheerful. Here are mine:

Friends

Where would we be without them? This weekend, I was over-joyed to host my housemates from university. We hadn’t seen each other for over a decade and I was a little worried lest we wouldn’t know what to utter to each other. Suffice to say, these fears were unfounded. The two days passed in a flash of chatter and giggles. It was a wonderful antidote to current events and though the visit left me exhausted in body, it left me elated in spirit.

For those precious days, the sun returned resplendent and we were able to enjoy the garden and the seafront. Our visit to the local art gallery was a great success, with all the exhibitions being first class. Best of all, my friend was able to view the extensive collection of one of her favourite artists in the Ravilious room.

**The glorious exterior of the Towner Art Gallery Eastbourne.**
Image: Wendy Barton

After a giant brunch cooked by my husband, we parted with promises to make our next reunion much sooner than the last.

Their visit was a joyful event and a reminder that friends, old and new, never fail to delight us. I see friends most days and truly value their company. If I am able to make them smile, I will have succeeded in repaying my gratitude for their companionship.

Living here; living now

My great friend in the States is an avid reader of Medieval history and she often shares titbits of her discoveries on our weekly Skypes. There is nothing like being reminded of just how dire life was in previous eras to make you appreciate living in one’s own. The average life expectancy in the Middle Ages was a mere thirty-three years. If you survived infancy, you could look forward to an existence of hard labour and subsistence living. Most likely you would be a serf bound to the land of your lord. Personal freedoms were almost non-existent.

Violence and early death stalked you perpetually in the guise of plague, starvation, injury and war. As a woman, your fate was even worse. A bowl of cherries, life was not. https://www.historyextra.com/period/medieval/why-did-people-die-danger-medieval-period-life-expectancy/

But the Middle Ages was a terrible time, I hear you protest. True. However, I doubt anyone would sign up for a later period. The Tudors were terrible and the Victorians were vile (as the Horrible Histories attest). And the here bit is important. While our distant ancestors struggled, our contemporaries in the developing nations continue to do so. Where we complain about not having access to a good wifi connection, they are still travelling miles in order to get water.

Realising how fortunate we are to live in this period in this land, should be one of our reasons to be cheerful. Should we wish to bring a little help to those living in less ideal environments, we can spread that cheer a bit further.

You made it against the odds

When all other inducements for appreciating your life fail, there is always one to draw upon that brooks no argument. You are here. You are alive. What occurred to enable that is a series of almost unbelievable good fortune that resulted in your existence. Assuming that the first humans appeared 2,000,000 years ago, it means that if the average life-span was around 20 years, 100,000 generations succeeded in reproducing to allow you to be conceived. When you consider how difficult mere survival was until fairly recently, that is certainly miraculous.

Then, your conception involved the race of several hundred million sperm to the egg to be fertilized. The odds of being you were definitely against you, and yet, here you are, reading this.

Since I think it fair to say that the worst thing we can imagine (apart from public speaking) is not existing, we should rise each morning with a song of gratitude on our lips. Another day is ours for the taking. Reasons to be cheerful number 3.

Of course, I cannot leave this post without giving you an opportunity to hear the inimitable Ian Dury with his ‘Reasons to be Cheerful’. I’d love to add brilliant music to my list, but it would ruin its symmetry.

One Day

Last week a student voiced his concerns over the potential of a nuclear attack from Russia. It felt like a strange deja vu. When I was barely older than he, such thoughts frequently crossed my mind. I joined CND marches; read up on the literature; watched the soul chilling movie, ‘The Day After’. Of course, disaster did not strike, Greenham Common was dismantled and we moved into a time of relative peace. So, I reassured him. Mutually assured destruction served no-one and, I hope, never will.

**Living in the shadow of the bomb** Image: By George R. Caron – Nagasakibomb.jpgAtomic_cloud_over_Hiroshima.jpg, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=12204929

Yet, his fears nagged at me – perhaps reigniting my own sense of the fragility of peace. I thought of the Ukrainians (and so many others in conflict situations) who found themselves in the space of a day scrapping their plans and focussing on survival.

What if that was me? Such situations force us to concentrate on the essentials in our lives. We are made to consider what really holds value and it is unlikely to be the things that advertisers are promoting. What follows are thought experiments to help us clarify what matters and what does not. Such exercises may simply reinforce what we already know or perhaps, they may guides us to new and more fulfilling lives. At the very least, I hope they will evoke an appreciation of the very blessed ones we have.

Pack your suitcase

Your train to safety leaves tomorrow. What would you take?

**What is irreplaceable?** Image: Emanuela Picone on Unsplash

Most of us spend far too much time packing and unpacking our suitcases before a trip, agonising on whether we have the right shoes; the right amount of warm or cool weather clothing; sufficient clean underwear. More often than not, we return home with items folded and unused. But what if that suitcase had to contain everything that you hold dear? Would the designer sandals make the cut? I doubt it.

To be honest, very practical and durable clothing aside, my own case would be bursting with photos, my children’s pictures and jewellery of sentimental value. It would contain documentation to ease my passage through my new world. All I need, after all, are those things which cannot be replaced by Amazon. And all the stuff that fills my home may not be so valuable after all. Perhaps a declutter is in order.

Your last day

Sadly, all too many of us spend our days as if in penance. I over-heard an elderly chap in the park yesterday bemoaning that his life was effectively over. ‘My world is past,’ he said sadly, to which his companion rather wittily replied, ‘No, it’s not. You’re still living in it.’ I hope that he took that reply to heart.

When life is hard, as it is for so many, simply making it to bedtime can feel like an achievement. Yet, if we only had one day to say our good-byes, most of us would be galvanised into a flurry of action. We’d visit our friends and family; we’d take one final look at the places we loved and try to sear them into memory. Lassitude would be replaced with dynamism: indifference with appreciation. Since no-one can be certain how many days remain to us, surely we should never take any day for granted.

Memento mori

Throughout history, religions and philosophers have reminded us that it is in the nature of things that we must die. The expression memento mori – meaning remember you must die – is a Roman one, though the idea itself goes much further back.

**Gravestone found in an Edinburgh graveyard**. Image: *Daniel Naczk*

On the surface, such an idea can seem depressing and so too do the images that usually symbolise it. Skulls and hour glasses and dead flowers are hardly likely to lift the spirits. However, the point of the memento mori is quite the opposite. It is a reminder to live life to the full.

The Greek Stoic philosopher, Seneca, wrote: Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day…The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” Counter-intuitive though it seems, filling life with essentials gives us more time not less. If our tasks are completed each day, time becomes our friend and not our enemy. And if it is not possible to complete our tasks each day, perhaps it is time to assess how much must be done. Should you still feel that 24 hours is not enough, perhaps it is time to delegate.

Do what you love and love what you do

When we view each day with the urgency of one for whom it may be their last, we are likely to find that any time we waste or fret through, will quickly be jettisoned. We will focus only on what we love (hence the concept of the bucket list). No-one has complete the ironing or sort the downstairs cupboard on their agenda – at least, I hope not.

That said, many of us (especially our young selves) are not sure what we want to do/should do. I read a very brilliant thing recently where the author said, ‘Do not ask, what should I do? Look at what you are doing.’ Similarly, the lettering artist, Jessica Hische came up with the idea of procrastiworking – where you discover where your real interests lay when you observe what you do when procrastinating. (Though I doubt I can earn a living from doodling in the margins!)

Feel the fear and do it anyway

What prevents most of us doing what we love is, almost always, fear. Perhaps I won’t be successful; perhaps I won’t be able to make the rent or afford a holiday. Perhaps it will look foolish to others. Don’t get me wrong: I am not a great advocate of the ‘follow your dream’ advice, which in popular culture seems to omit the hard slog required to succeed in any sphere and rests solely on wishful thinking. We all have limitations and responsibilities. However, if we take the brief span we have to enjoy this planet seriously, we need spend no more than the absolute minimum on the essentials. And for those willing to make the necessary sacrifices for their passions, they are likely to be rewarded – if only in being able to live the life that they desire.

So here’s the challenge. Today you have been given the greatest gift – a voucher for 24 hours’ existence. How will you spend it?

Flower Friday

As someone who frequently suffers, like Winnie the Pooh, from having ‘Very Little Brain’, I have to create mnemonics to help me remember all the tasks that running a household involves. Since I have A LOT of houseplants, I decided to nominate Fridays for watering them. So far this seems to be working. When I exclaimed that my plants needed attention because is was Flower Friday, my husband assumed that it was thing: a day to give and receive flowers. What a lovely idea, I thought. And nothing is a ‘thing’ until we make it one. So here’s my suggestion, that on Fridays, we give our attention to flowers. Perhaps we remember to water them, or to make an arrangement or give a bouquet, large or small, to someone we care about. And of course, we are not restricted to Fridays. Every day gives an opportunity to celebrate flowers.

**A host of golden daffodils** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

The power of potted plants

Much has been written about the benefits of filling your home with plants, so I thought I would check what the medical website, WebMD, had to say about it. Plants, it seems, are mini medics acting as air filters purifying the air of dust and pollutants whilst simultaneously increasing humidity and oxygen levels. Most of us know that plants improve mood and help us relax, but I was astonished to discover how they also improve our concentration levels and academic performance. ‘Students in classrooms with three potted plants performed better on math, spelling, reading, and science tests than kids in classrooms without any greens.’ (WebMD) Perhaps, rather than filling our schools with smart boards, we should be filling them with plants!

**Spider plants are back!** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

In addition, they have important healing powers: improving both our mental and physical wellbeing. Bringing flowers to someone in a hospital bed does more than add a little colour to the ward. ‘Researchers found that people who had surgery got better faster if they had plants in their room or even a view of the nature from their window. They also tolerated pain better and needed fewer medications when surrounded by greenery.’ (https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/ss/slideshow-health-benefits-houseplants) With so much to offer for so little effort and cost, I now feel justified in getting some more.

Garden flowers

The last week or so the weather has been exceptionally fine and almost warm, so I take my breakfast out to the garden each morning. With the arrival of spring, my garden has erupted into a blaze of yellows, purples and whites and it would be churlish not to enjoy every minute of this magnificent display.

**Breakfast on the bench. An ideal way to start the day!**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

And for me, gardens are the first point of welcome to my home. By planting lots of flowers on the path to our doors, we are making a celebration of each visitor. Though we are seldom able to spend a lot of time in our front gardens, we can still provide some colour to passers-by. I know that I enjoy the gardens of others and hope that they enjoy mine.

**Friendly flower greetings** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Flowers and friendship

Flowers have always been tied to friendship and love. They are readily portable beauties that are meant to be shared. Though relatively inexpensive, they are much more certain to induce joy than even more expensive gifts. Simply put, flowers make us happy and the science backs this up. Giving flowers doesn’t have to be tied to a special occasion. In fact, the unexpected bouquet is often the most precious.

We don’t even need to buy them. If you are blessed with an abundance in the garden, take some each time you visit a friend. Tied with a simple ribbon, they look complete. Even if you don’t have a garden or florist shop nearby, tiny flowers from the verges are beautiful too. Daisies, buttercups, wild violas, pink campions and grasses have a delicate allure. Size does not matter. Some of my favourite arrangements are of tiny flowers set in little glass containers. A group of three makes a pleasing tableau.

**Tiny flowers; big impact**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Pass it on

Another wonderful way to share is to give seedlings or cuttings of flowers. Friends often give me such things and more often than not they grow into majestic plants lasting several seasons. One friend gave me a tiny rose pelargonium, which now fills two large garden pots. Since these delightfully scented geraniums are hard to find, I’ve taken cuttings too and passed them on. There is something especially delightful in conjuring plants from nothing and in enjoying the fruits of someone’s nurturing.

This cutting of an angel winged begonia was a surprise gift.

My spider plant’s ‘babies’ have colonised many parts of my home and those of friends. And I have become less shy in asking for a cutting of a particularly pretty shrub. After all, we can all spare a little twig!

Fridays are for flowers

Tomorrow I shall need to do my watering and compost the old arrangements and make some new ones. It is a weekly ritual that never fails to raise my spirits. I hope that you will find time for flowers this Friday too. Whether you give them or receive them, may they bring you joy.

Far from the Madding Crowd

Holidays are always an excellent time to reflect on how we live. When else do we have the time to muse on such matters? Every time I get away, even for a short visit, I try to think of how the new location can give me inspiration on how to live my life when I return. My recent trip to the Highlands is no exception. It has highlighted how important it is to step out of the manmade into the natural world; how a cheery greeting can raise our spirits; that we are only a tiny part of the great and ancient world we inhabit and how the magical surrounds us.

**Moors and mountains** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Strangers welcome

The Highlands are unusual in this populated isle in that they offer one of the few truly wild landscapes. Moorland and mountains stretch as far as the eye can see and often, a tumbled-down croft is the sole indication that people once resided here. Yet it is simultaneously a sociable and welcoming place. Weave along the excellent roads for a while and you will arrive in a pretty little village where folks are exceptionally sociable. Here, you can expect a friendly wave and greeting; in cities, you can barely expect eye contact. Perhaps the reason for this is that in such a harsh environment, you have to depend on, and be nice to your neighbours. Or perhaps the lack of people makes company a welcome thing. Or perhaps the Highland Scots, bathed in daily beauty, are an unusually friendly bunch.

A natural retreat

Few things soothe the body and mind better than time spent outside. Despite the rather chilly temperatures, we spent as much time outdoors as possible. The result? An excellent night’s sleep and a mind filled with nothing but fresh air. For me, woodland is my happy place. I suspect that all the months my mum parked my pram under a tree in the garden while she got on with the housework started this. And a fractious baby is unlikely to stay that way long with the scent of leaves, the soothing effect of green and the pleasing symmetry of the fractals of leaves. As for adults, the positive health benefits of forest bathing have been well documented. In the forest, our inner child becomes ascendant.

**Into the woods** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Eye spy

Of course, part of the delight of exploring the natural world is in discovering its denizens. On the walk above, I spotted an osprey resting high above in the limbs of a dead tree. Later I discovered clumps of giant snowdrops and daffodils still encased in spears of green. A little frog was making its way across a tiny bridge and the forest floor was littered with every type of pine cone and the trees festooned with gorgeous, cobwebby Scottish beard moss.

Seeking the sublime

Like the Romantic poets, I’m drawn to what they would consider sublime: landscapes containing a certain frisson of danger, of majesty, of vastness twinned with heart-stopping beauty. The Highlands are replete with such landscapes. So what is the purpose of the sublime? Surely it is to create a heightened sense of emotion; to jolt us out of the everyday and mundane and if we are so inclined, to push us towards creativity. Unfortunately, my days were too filled with adventures to find any time for the art I’d planned, but now that I am home, I have plenty of images to draw upon.

**Forbidding mountains, brooding skies and wind ruffled loch fringed with woodland. A Romantic’s dream.**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Know your place

Such landscapes, naturally, have the effect of making our own lives seem somewhat insignificant. The mountain cares not if you make it home; the loch is indifferent to whether you return ashore. Live or die: it matters not to them. And sometimes such brutal disdain is good for us. Our egos tend to exaggerate our sense of self and our importance. A gentle correction from nature does us no harm.

Similarly, witnessing the many ruins of castles and crafts scattered across the landscape reminds us of how even the most sturdy of constructions will ultimately collapse under the weight of time. Like Ozymandias, those edifices we build to show our power will one day be the ruin that catches a traveller’s eye.

**Castle Roy 12th century fortress to tourist destination**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Magical sites

A similar effect is achieved at the very ancient sites that abound in this region. Staring at a 4,000 year old cairn is likely to make our own life-span seem rather puny. However, that said, the cairns/standing stones also have a telescopic effect. As I ran my hand across the brilliantly built walls, I thought of my ancestors and how harsh life would have been. But I also thought of how I am alive today because of their fortitude. I wanted to reach back to tell them that we made it. That where they trudged the landscape on foot, we had metal steeds to carry us. Where they had to forage, we simply had to shop. The biological imperative to create new generations had been fulfilled over that great bridge of millennia.

**Clava cairns and standing stones in their woodland grove**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Though unlike the ruins, these sites have a spiritual component. It is impossible to explain how deeply moving these places are. They are magical, mystical and take us far away from our everyday cares.

Joy!

And lastly, the magnificence of nature brings us joy. It would be impossible to say how many times my husband and I came across a vista that actually made us gasp at its beauty. We simply could not stop ourselves smiling. ‘Look! Look!’ we would say to each other as yet another amazing scene came into view. Each new day seemed to top the last and it seems fitting that our final destination topped them all. Loch Morlich, outside Aviemore, combined everything we love in one place: snow capped mountains, a clear lake, sandy beaches that were backed by pines. But I am open to our next visit providing us with something even more extraordinary.

**Loch Morlich on a perfect spring day**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Souvenirs

Our souvenirs are not trinkets but memories and reminders that finding places of peace, of sanctuary if you will, are essential to our well-being. Sadly, we won’t be able to return to the Highlands for a weekend, but we can bring the magic of that world to our own. No matter how urban our environment, we can find those still places and, if we adjust our vision, we can see worlds of wonder within them. I took our dog, Hermione, to the local park today and though it was fairly busy, there were little quiet spots to enjoy. Tadpoles wriggled in the fish pond; grey squirrels skittered up trees; dogs loped across the grass. My brief trip there was like a micro vacation from daily life. It replenished me for a very busy afternoon. The word holiday is derived from holy day. Perhaps we should remember that and honour its regenerative qualities.

You Take the High Road and I’ll Take the Snow Road

**Good advice** **wherever you are**
Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Though the Romans may have mastered the art of road building, the Scots have perfected it. All across Scotland you can find tourist routes that take you through the most breath-taking scenery and past any number of historic landmarks and curiosities. Our trip to the Highlands this week has been filled with such road journeys, but the most impressive of which was certainly the Snow Road which winds through the highest elevation of the Cairngorms National Park.

I confess that we didn’t make all of it, just to the picturesque town of Ballater. We will leave the rest for our next visit.

As I am currently on holiday, this post will be a brief photo-journal of our trip along the Snow Road at the beginning of March. I hope that you enjoy travelling with me and perhaps will take a trip of your own some day.

Framing the view

One of the earliest stopping points is for the inspired art installation that literally frames the view. This witty piece, so different from its surroundings somehow makes itself at home in this ancient, slightly forbidding landscape.

**An artwork with a view** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Promised snow

The road builders were aware of the distractions to drivers on these routes and so provided numerous stopping points to admire the scenery. Though it’s been a mild winter and moving into spring, snow still clings to the tops of the highest mountains making a delightful alpine vista.

**Moorland and mountain tops** Image: Jeff Costello-McFeat

There were even intrepid skiers on the slopes at Lecht, but the conditions looked a little less than optimal.

The Watchers

A little further along is another art installation called The Watchers. Placed high above the valley, it is the ideal place to bird watch as eagles and other birds of prey swim through the sky. The sculptures contain benches, giving a welcome shelter from the biting winds.

**Art and comfort** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

A royal town

Our destination was the picture perfect town of Ballater where Queen Victoria used and improved the local station to satisfy her comfort and convenience when travelling to the nearby Balmoral. Set in a sheltered spot, the town clearly was the ideal stopping point for wealthy tourists visiting the wild landscapes of the Highlands.

**Ballater Station in a town of equal prettiness** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

The Return

Our return journey, in shifting our perspective, made it seem like an entirely new one. There were bridges and burns; chimneys built and abandoned by the road builders; quarries and bike tracks winding across the landscape. For a few hours we were immersed in the ever shifting landscape of snow capped mountains and heather clad hills and ancient woodland that is the Highlands. I suspect it won’t be long before we are back to explore some more.

All I am Saying, is Give Peace a Chance

Last week, as restrictions were being lifted, I looked forward to our conversations revolving around something other than the pandemic. Perhaps we could resume our British preoccupations with the weather; the emergence of spring blooms and planned days out. Unfortunately, this was not to be. I returned home from the puppy park to discover that Russia had invaded the Ukraine.

My buoyant mood was deflated in an instant. The long peace we have enjoyed in the West for over 70 years has been shattered and the cold war, dormant for so long, is back.

Under such circumstances, it is only natural to feel a sense of helplessness. We can take the practical step of supporting those agencies who are doing their best to support those caught up in the conflict. (And I would urge you to do so.) But no matter how generous our donation, we know that it is merely a sticking plaster over a great wound. What we can do to have more lasting effects is to cultivate peace within ourselves. When we hold peace within us, conflict cannot take hold.

**A gentle reminder on my book case** Image: Karen Costello-McFeat

Peace! I hate the word

Like Tybalt in Romeo and Juliet, peace is an anathema to many. One only has to witness the excitement of journalists reporting the conflict, our own raised voices and the buzz of speculation. Because conflict is exciting. It is drama. It has high stakes and terrible, tragic stories. Anger enlivens us; peace requires no voice.

**Romeo meets the fiery Tybalt** Image: painting by Prince Albert

Putin is almost a caricature of a James Bond villain. He’s Russian for a start, ex head of the infamous Federal Security Service (previously the KGB) and a dubiously elected president. The mere mention of his name is likely to raise our blood pressure. But bear with me here, this is where we must start. When Jesus counselled us to love our enemies, he meant all of them- even those like Putin. Because when we fall for the temptation to vilify and turn men into monsters, we lose the calm bearing and centeredness that is essential to finding avenues for resolution.

Acknowledge your anger, of course, but let it go. When we carry anger within us – even of a news story of a country far away whose ongoing conflicts have hardly penetrated our radar before now – it curdles relationships and our own equilibrium.

Making space for peace

When we are at peace, we do not experience stress or anxiety and the techniques we use to achieve peace are similar to those for stress reduction. We might search for it through religious observance or meditation, while walking in nature or going for a swim. We can find it in practising gratitude. We can find it in moments of stillness and quiet. In our busy world, we may need to look hard to find such sanctuary : but look we must.

We do not find it in the Siren call of the media. As I have written before, the media thrives on conflict and provocation. It is important to be informed, but we need not glue ourselves to the screen or the papers to keep up-to-the minute on news coverage.

Putin puts Russia’s nuclear force on high alert

Ukraine’s president agrees to peace talks as battles rage in Kyiv and Kharkiv

Inflammatory language. One of this week’s headlines in The Times

We can make a space for peace with our friends and in conversation. The subject of the Ukraine, with all its terrifying possible ramifications, is almost certain to come up, but we need not catastrophise. If we make our goal to soothe and reassure, we will have helped restore some balance and equanimity.

Unity over Division

For peace to occur in ourselves and our communities, we need to learn to face outwards and not inwards. I read an excellent quote in The Times recently by David Isaac, Chair of the Equality and Human Rights Commission. He said, ‘The key issue is how do we move beyond the ‘I’ to the ‘we’, how do we think of ourselves as citizens in a country or in the world who are not just focused on what works for me and my narrow group. How do we ensure that we think about people who are different to us?’ He was not referring to war, but the principle is the same. We cannot kill those whose innate humanity we see is shared with us. We cannot wreck havoc on a country whose essentials: countryside, buildings, industry are only marginally different from our own.

**Soldiers or young men?** Image: Tapio Haaja on Unsplash

I read a rather disturbing email forwarded from someone in the Ukraine. Reports of their suffering were upsetting, but for me, just as disturbing was the line: ‘Yesterday the Ukraine army had a huge success with the fighting and many Russian soldiers were killed.’ I certainly don’t want Russia to succeed, but nor do I want the world to forget that those Russian soldiers are sons and brothers. Many (perhaps even the majority) are conscripts drawn from the poorest and most disadvantaged sections of society. As in the US during the Vietnam conflict, wealth and education can help you dodge the draft. It is unlikely these young men have any particular feelings about annexing the Ukraine, yet their lives are expended to this end.

So if we hold the Ukraine in our prayers and thoughts, let us hold everyone – even those whose actions we abhor. If we would like there to be peace, we must first cultivate love.

Peace be with you.